


The Things We Learn

by SilverBlue



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst and Humor, Bodyswap, F/M, Festival of Bonds Spoilers, Fire Emblem Fates: Revelation Spoilers, Pre-Localised Names, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-08-23 14:12:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8330839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverBlue/pseuds/SilverBlue
Summary: Awaking to a nasty surprise after an evening of drinks, Saizou and Suzukaze search for a way to lift their 'curse' while discovering new meanings to the relationships they have with their friends – and with each other.





	1. Chapter 1

Saizou woke with a start.  
  
The dark-wooden ceiling wasn't his but it was still recognisable, which meant he had probably drunk one too many last night and Suzukaze (being the more responsible one) had taken him home. The fact that he wasn’t in his own room suggested Suzukaze had also exceeded his usual intake and hadn't been feeling generous enough to take Saizou back to his place first before returning.  
  
Saizou pushed himself off the futon with a groan to rest on his side. His brother's room was almost as bare as his own, but it contained a few personal possessions on display: books in a neat pile by the pillow, a decorative scarf on top of the chest, a hand-knitted doll resembling a certain green-haired shinobi at the corner of the low desk. Saizou picked up the topmost book and flipped through its curled pages until a passage caught his eye.  
  
_“It saddens me to see you sitting here, day after day, wrapped in solitude. I always think to myself ‘if only there was a way for me to reach out, if only there was something I could do’ and today, I have found the courage to speak to you. Nothing would please me more than you sharing even a fraction of your thoughts so that, no matter how small, we may close the distance between us.”_  
  
“Suzukaze, what are you reading?” Saizou muttered out loud and returned the book to its place. He wasn’t going to judge – what his brother spent his free time doing was up to him, although Saizou would rather be doing something more productive than reading fictional romance. Cleaning weapons or taking down notes, for example.  
  
At the thought of his brother, he realised he was alone. _Better find him_ , Saizou decided and forced himself up, not feeling as bad as he expected considering the state he was usually in after such a session. He tugged to straighten his casual wear from last night (did he own a green tunic? Someone obviously had the bright idea of swapping clothes) (seeing as this wasn’t the first time, or even the second, probably him) and stumbled over to the mirror, splashing his face with a bowl of water that was already prepared and running a hand through his hair before he checked the extent of last night’s damage reflected back at him.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
“Suzukaze!”  
  
Suzukaze regained awareness with the familiar voice in the distance. His eyes were too heavy to pry open, his stomach was unstable, and his tongue was like sandpaper with a horrible aftertaste. The odour of last night’s alcohol wafting around him added to the nausea building up inside.  
  
“Leave me ... please,” he managed to say before he curled into himself under the covers.  
  
“ _Suzukaze_! Gods damn it.”  
  
The setting reminded him of a distant memory ... of days where he would wake his brother, and days his brother would wake him ...  
  
He frowned, like he should remember an important detail to that last thought, but the image was clouded and his mind was drifting once more to the comforting world of sleep …  
  
Cold air rushed to attack his exposed skin when the cover was whipped away and ice water splashed onto his face. He immediately woke up spluttering and shivering, wiping the water to look up at—  
  
Himself.  
  
“… What?” He stared in disbelief. It was himself, but sterner, unsmiling. Almost like—  
  
He realised then he could not see to his right. His breathing became shallower and the quick breaths triggered a surge from his stomach.  
  
“Easy.”  
  
Suzukaze grabbed the bucket that was being held out to him and vomited, throwing up the contents from the previous night. Coughing and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he looked up again and—  
  
He was still looking at himself.  
  
Not seeing the logic to finding himself looking down on … himself, Suzukaze decided instead to examine his body.  
  
His body which was clothed only in burgundy trousers, but that wasn’t the issue. More worrying were the unrecognisable marks engraved all over his mostly pale skin (the only feature he could identify with) and muscles that had mysteriously become more defined. He felt weightier, and doubted this body would be able to handle the speeds at which he often ran.  
  
He raised his hand to his face where his fingers found and traced the indent in his skin, a swift line across his right eye in the same shape of the scar that was familiar on his brother.  
  
“Am I—?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Is this—?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Suzukaze closed his eyes to fight down another wave of nausea and wished he were still asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Suzukaze watched himself thrust a cup into his hands.  
  
“Drink. It’ll help.”  
  
Suzukaze held the clay cup with hands stockier than his own but still covered in faint nicks he recognised. He sipped the murky green liquid, bitter on his tongue and settling heavily in his stomach. After a minute of wondering if his stomach would reject the drink, he concluded that it acted as a stopper than a catalyst and drained the rest.  
  
He placed the cup down between them.  
  
They sat facing each other – or more precisely, themselves. Suzukaze’s body, currently occupied by his brother, was sitting cross-legged with a slight slouch and both arms hanging loosely over his knees. Suzukaze, currently occupying his brother’s body, sat as he was usually comfortable, politely in _seiza_ , with his hands placed lightly on his thighs.  
  
“What happened, brother?”  
  
His voice was gravelly, and deeper, but his throat protested to any sound higher. The lack of sight was still unnerving; while he had always wondered how his brother coped, he never imagined it would be this disorientating. The admiration he held for his twin grew.  
  
“Must be magic,” his brother said, accidentally (or was it deliberately?) making his voice lower.  
  
“From last night?”  
  
“No doubt.”  
  
Suzukaze tried to remember but alcohol had stolen practically all the memories on previous night’s activities and left him with a headache that threatened to split the inside of his skull.  
  
“Brother, how much did you drink?” Suzukaze’s weary question escaped his lips before he could stop himself.  
  
“Really? You want to criticise me when we’re faced with _this_?”  
  
Suzukaze winced – it was hard to know whether it was at the volume or because he was unused to hearing himself sound so accusing.  
  
“... Sorry. I should be the one bearing the consequences.”  
  
Silence stretched out, both brothers unable to help glancing at themselves but then averting their gaze quickly when their eye(s) met.  
  
“Who were present?” Suzukaze asked. It was a question (the only question) he already knew the answer to, but he wanted to fill the silence.  
  
“Tsubaki, Rinkah ... and several from Nohr. Charlotte. Belka. Zero.”  
  
They had run into the unusual mix heading towards the sake house, a new establishment in the astral realm and one met with fair welcome from many of the current residents who were there for training or respite. The brothers had been goaded into joining (or forever be known as a ‘gutless chicken’, which was not taken too well to by his brother) and they agreed.  
  
“No one knows magic,” Suzukaze managed to deduce.  
  
“No.” His brother exhaled heavily. “Did more people arrive?”  
  
“I am unable to remember any details. Does this often happen when you drink?”  
  
His brother looked away, a red tint appearing on his cheeks. “I get carried away. And usually it’s you who does the remembering.”  
  
Suzukaze smiled weakly. “So it is.”  
  
They were both incredibly calm considering their circumstance. Suzukaze had to be, unless he wanted to risk upsetting his fragile stomach, and his brother he imagined because, as the older, he refused to appear uncollected.  
  
“Brother, what do you suggest we do?”  
  
“… We do as we’re trained.”  


* * *

  
  
There had been no training in ‘what to do when finding your spirit swapped with your sibling’s after a night of excessive drinking’. The next best advice was the basic ‘all unpredicted events should be approached and assessed with a steady mind’ and ‘assume everything is as normal’.   
  
Saizou wanted to be angrier than this. It was as though Suzukaze’s body didn’t know the meaning of the word, feeling more a resigned irritation than a rising fire and that only added to his mind’s frustration. Even then, it wasn’t enough for this temporary body of his to become riled.  
  
They agreed to going about their day as normal, exchanging schedules and a few pointed reminders; causing their lord and lady distress was the last thing they needed.  
  
_“You must be polite, brother, or Lady Kamui will see through our deception. She is extremely perceptive.”  
  
“And Kagerou isn’t? If anyone will see through the deception it’ll be her. Watch yourself.”  
_  
Saizou approached the door leading to Kamui’s room. He had spent many an hour outside, surveying her for suspicious activities until he grudgingly concluded there were none. He had also spent time inside when Kamui called him to do that strange petting habit of hers. This time, though, was different; he had to walk into the room with the same mind to protect her as he does his lord – easier to do when he no longer suspected her of treachery, but as her ‘friend’ this somewhat bothered his conscious.  
  
He knocked on the door.  
  
“Lady Kamui,” he spoke, trying to keep his voice soft and level.   
  
The door opened and Kamui brightened at the sight of her retainer which, Saizou had to admit, took him slightly aback. “Suzukaze, you’re right on time.”  
  
She stepped aside so he could enter. The table was already laid out with plates of bread and a Nohrian-style tea set.   
  
_“I am often invited to breakfast on Sundays. Lady Kamui considers this a way to deepen our understanding of each other and help fill the years we have been apart. Question her on the customs of Nohr and it will save you from speaking.  
  
“And do not forget, brother – smile.”  
_  
Saizou managed to turn the corners of his mouth slightly upwards.  
  
“Suzukaze, are you feeling all right?”  
  
Nothing was lost on the princess – she noticed the delayed timing and was already looking at him with that wide-eyed concern, listing possibilities in her head. Saizou imagined the same question coming from his lord before forming his answer.  
  
“Yes, milady. I apologise for not being myself, last night was … quite the occasion. I am ashamed to admit I went overboard with the drinks.”  
  
Kamui seated herself at the table. “Oh, I heard! I ran into Tsubaki earlier – he was doing his best to look perfect as always, but I’m sure he was suffering quite badly.” Kamui laughed quietly. “Sakura said she’ll be easy on him today. Oh, and of course I reminded Ryouma to do the same—”  
  
Saizou became alert at the sound of his lord’s name. She was watching out for his welfare as well? _It’s not her business_ , he mentally noted but made no comment.  
  
“—Although he said I needn’t be worried, he forced Saizou to take the day off. You and your brother always work so hard, and I’m sure – _Suzukaze_.”  
  
Saizou straightened at the sharp tone used to address him.  
  
“Milady?”  
  
“You’re not waiting for me to invite you to the table again are you? I thought we agreed you would make yourself comfortable – if not normally then at least during our breakfasts!”  
  
He quickly took his seat. “I apologise. My mind has not fully awoken.”  
  
Saizou glanced at the selection bread. Some he would be able to eat, others powdered with sugar or lined with chocolate he would have to avoid, unless he wanted to make himself as ill as his brother.  
  
He felt a pang of guilt and mentally apologised.  
  
“I did wonder about postponing our morning today … would you prefer it that we did?”  
  
Saizou wanted nothing more than to say yes, but he could tell from the way her voice deflated slightly that she had been excited for their meeting.  
  
“No, milady. I have been looking forward to our breakfast and your talk. I believe this breakfast will greatly aid my recovery.”  
  
Kamui started to talk happily about Nohrian cures for hangovers and Saizou did his best to listen while reminding himself to keep his spirits high. He wasn’t used to idle talk but he would have to bear the time. He did pride himself on his smooth responses so far and it all seemed to be going well.  
  
At least, until that butler of hers showed his face to clear the table. _  
_  
_“Remove yourself from Joker if possible, you will be easily affected. If you must talk, remind yourself that he has cared for Lady Kamui for many years and is extremely wary of newcomers in case they cause her harm – you and he are very similar in that respect. Do not take anything he says to heart.”_  
  
“Lady Kamui,” Joker said and bowed. His eyes then fell onto Saizou. “Suzukaze.”  
  
The gaze and tone of voice immediately sparked a dislike. Saizou avoided the butler often and when they spoke, they exchanged only a few stiff words of greeting. Now that he was with Kamui, they would be in close proximity.  
  
_Stay calm, don’t take anything to heart,_ he reminded himself.  
  
“Joker.” Saizou tried to smile back.  
  
He received a suspicious frown in response.  
  
Luckily their interaction ended there, and he and Kamui were left to their tea.   
  
The door closed with a click but Kamui’s extended glance towards the door appeared as though she was confirming it would stay closed. She set the teacup down.  
  
“Suzukaze, I wanted to continue our conversation from yesterday.”  
  
Conversation? His brother didn't mention an abandoned conversation. He remained silent and waited – at least in that sense he and his twin were similar, even if the reasons for the silence were not.  
  
“I’d still like to hear your thoughts on the matter.”  
  
Various topics rushed through his head. It was something very few people would know, and Suzukaze was one entrusted with the secret. Not only that, she was specifically asking him for advice. What could his brother give advice on? Something related to battle? Possible, but the air was too heavy for strategies or techniques. Cultural problems? Family matters?  
  
“... Would it be too much to ask for more time? I do not wish to give a half-hearted answer.”  
  
“Take as much time as you need, please. I know it’s not an issue we can take lightly and it affects you the most.”  
  
His position as retainer then? Saizou shelved the question. For now, he bowed his head and smiled. “Thank you, Lady Kamui.”  
  
Kamui returned to their previous topic on the two cultures and Saizou accustomed himself to Nohrian tea.  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze frequently wished to bridge the gap between him and his brother.  
  
As a child, Suzukaze trailed behind his brother who would always lead, and they would go on adventures deep into the forest and far along the river. In a way this never really changed; he carried out instructions his brother would order, and they would go on missions deep into the forest and far along the river – even into plains beyond their imagination.  
  
He blamed himself. He never fully recovered from the shock of losing Lady Kamui on his watch and filled his time with long periods of training. Meanwhile his brother trained to become a man worthy of shouldering five generations of loyalty, and there they were drawn apart. Never did he doubt his brother cared, but between them came a barrier and they had not been as open as they used to be since.  
  
Having watched other siblings from Nohr and Hoshido interact, Suzukaze finally gathered the courage to confront his brother about the one question that truly bothered him – his eye. The outcome left him disappointed. It ended with him pledging an oath to Saizou the fifth and the knowledge only added to the guilt of not being there when his brother needed him the most. They may have become closer as ninjas, but not so as brothers.  
  
_Though this was not quite the solution I was expecting,_ Suzukaze thought as he looked down at his red and blue outfit.  
  
“Saizou.”  
  
Suzukaze turned at the sound of his brother’s name.  
  
_“Meet with Kagerou first, she will talk about the training schedule for the week. Agree with her, she organises well. Make your way to Lord Ryouma afterwards and remember – he is always your priority.  
_  
_“Keep your responses to a minimum and do whatever is the opposite of what you usually do.”  
_  
“Kagerou,” he acknowledged with a nod.  
  
Suzukaze was not familiar with Kagerou. When he and his brother visited the palace growing up, they sometimes met and trained or talked, but he knew hardly anything of her personality or interests except that she was quiet and liked art. He supposed with the switch it would be a good opportunity to discover something about his brother’s partner, and maybe also learn a thing or two about his brother in the process.  
  
“I heard you were drinking last night.”  
  
Her tone lacked emotion, her face neutral.  
  
“Is that a problem?” Suzukaze said defensively, the effects of alcohol giving his words a rough edge.  
  
Kagerou raised an eyebrow. “What you do in your spare time is of no concern.”  
  
Unsure how their talk could continue, Suzukaze turned to head in the direction of where Lord Ryouma was residing – until Kagerou appeared before him and made him stop.  
  
“Lord Ryouma specifically excused you from your duties. I have orders to make sure you follow through.”  
  
“Excused?” His brother failed to mention this fact.  
  
“Was that not why you went out last night?”  
  
What Kagerou said solved at least one question that had been on his mind. Suzukaze had thought it strange that his brother readily agreed to join the group (even with the threat to give him a new title.)  
  
“Then I’ll just speak with him to—”  
  
“I have already spoken with him, he will spend the day with Princess Camilla. I will also make my way there now. He will be inside and with people he can trust, not to mention we are in the astral realm – there will be no threat.”  
  
“Then our week’s schedule—” Suzukaze pressed on, covering all the points his brother mentioned.  
  
“It can wait till tomorrow. I agree with our lord, you have been overworking yourself lately, Saizou.” Kagerou turned to leave.  
  
“I will know if you are nearby,” she added at the end – a warning.  
  
“Thank you, Kagerou,” Suzukaze called after her.  
  
She stopped and looked over her shoulder. Suzukaze noticed a flash of emotion disappearing before he could register its meaning.  
  
His parting words were a mistake.  
  
“You should drink more of that cure,” she advised and was then gone.  


* * *

  
  
There was one tree among many lined along the border of the forest and town, which Saizou had found not long after arriving at the astral plane. Its higher branches were strong enough to hold his weight with just the right thickness to make sitting comfortable, and the dense foliage provided cover. He could lean back on the trunk and view the town while he meditated or fell into thought.  
  
Before parting for the day, Saizou led Suzukaze to this secret location to use as a meeting spot, and they sat there now in the solid darkness and the faint sound of crickets, watching the half-sleeping town spread out ahead.  
  
“How was your day?” Saizou asked.  
  
“Much quieter than anticipated. I am almost certain Kagerou did not suspect anything was out of place.”  
  
Saizou shot him a glare. “Almost?”  
  
“Kagerou is trained as one of us, not to mention a woman and an artist – she is sensitive. I did my best, brother, but I cannot say with confidence she was completely fooled. The situation was also not as we predicted – Lord Ryouma granted you the day off.”  
  
Saizou knew he forgot to mention something. If Suzukaze wasn’t able to convince Kagerou when faced with a small hitch maybe had placed too much expectation on his brother’s abilities to pretend.  
  
“I should have told you. It would have saved you from interacting.”  
  
Suzukaze shook his head. “Other matters demanded your attention. Kagerou would have been more suspicious had you made no attempt to see your lord.”  
  
He was observant enough; there was still hope they would manage to get through this.  
  
“You may be pleased to hear I have details regarding our drinking companions,” Suzukaze continued, followed by a polite pause Saizou rejected to comment in.  
  
“Tsubaki has fallen ill from drinking and will be out of commission for a few days. Zero has been sent on a mission issued by his lord and left in the early hours of this morning with his partner. Their whereabouts and expected return date are unknown. Rinkah is also absent as she has returned to her tribe for a few days, amounting to several weeks here. Belka and Charlotte, while they are still in town, had been summoned by Princess Camilla to be included in the meeting. I was unable to gather any information concerning our transformation.”  
  
Listening to himself speak at length and with this level of respect to someone other than his lord was new to Saizou’s ears. He took a moment to digest the information.  
  
“No matter. We’ll try again tomorrow.”  
  
“Do you not think the effects will fade?”  
  
“My instincts say no.”  
  
“… Mine, too, say the same. Was everything well with Lady Kamui?”  
  
“She seemed to enjoy breakfast and your company.”  
  
There was more – after breakfast, Saizou had ended up following Kamui on errands and on his return, he was caught by Silas who proceeded to talk to him about tactics they could use against the Faceless (to which he could offer a proposal) and to help Felicia accomplish her chores without failing (to which he could not, but tried to anyway because it was what Suzukaze would have done.) Relaying all this seemed pointless.  
  
“There was one thing I needed to ask.”  
  
Saizou repeated the conversation between him and Kamui regarding the mysterious advice.  
  
“What was she talking about?”  
  
“She wanted to ask my opinion on certain relations,” Suzukaze said without missing a beat. “I will think of a reply for you to relay. It should be enough to conclude the issue.”  
  
Saizou stared at his brother, a smudge of black on the night sky, wondering what it was he was hiding. Then again, it wasn’t his business – it was between him and Kamui.  
  
“Fine. We’ll meet again at dawn.”  
  
Saizou dropped down from the tree, landing with a soft thump.  
  
“Good night, brother.”  
  
He paused at hearing his own voice sounding unnaturally soft, then left himself behind.


	3. Chapter 3

Suzukaze had knelt before Lord Ryouma on many occasions, though not with the same level of comfort he was experiencing kneeling as his brother, with his right knee raised and balls of his feet bearing his weight, a position moulded through years of daily reports. He hardly ever knelt before Lady Kamui; not out of choice – Lady Kamui insisted he stop and when he politely declined, threatened to remove his title as retainer (this was a tactic she used often to get him to do what she asked.)  
  
To his left was Kagerou, kneeling in the same manner, head lowered before the crown prince of Hoshido who was standing tall dressed in his full armour.  
  
_“I suppose you already know how to act, but as a reminder – Lord Ryouma is the only person you should talk to as you normally do. Refrain from talking too much, he doesn’t need to waste his time listening to people ramble.”_  
  
Here he was, guised as his brother, deceiving the future King. Even with his training, Suzukaze could not help his heart from pounding a nervous beat. What should happen if their deceit was disclosed? Lord Ryouma was a reasonable man, but had their actions exceeded that line of reason?  
  
“I know it’s useless for me to tell you to refrain from your duties,” Lord Ryouma spoke, “so I will say this – do the minimum of what is required. We’re among friends here and in no danger. Should there be an invasion, your priority is to defend the town. I’m hoping I won’t have to issue an order for you to understand.”  
  
Suzukaze’s sharp ‘hup’ of affirmation overlapped with Kagerou’s.  
  
“Good. I will spend the day in Princess Camilla’s company again. She continues to insist she knows more about—” The lord coughed. “Anyway.”  
  
Clanks of metal came closer until Lord Ryouma’s boots came into his line of vision.  
  
“Saizou.”  
  
“My lord.”  
  
“You don’t have to continue to do this while we’re in this realm … if you don’t want to that is.”  
  
Suzukaze carefully raised his head to find Lord Ryouma presenting him with a folded kimono and reed sandals placed on top.  
  
Why was the lord presenting him with his casual wear? Lord Ryouma suggested discontinuing whatever it was his brother did with these clothes. Knowing his brother, he would decline that offer.  
  
“With your permission, my lord, I will gladly accept.” He bowed his head and held out his arms.  
  
“Yes, I thought you might say that …” Lord Ryouma laughed with a hint of uneasiness and handed over the clothes. “You may request to stop at any time during our stay here.”  
  
Lord Ryouma walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.  
  
“We will continue as usual,” Kagerou said, disappearing before he could reply.  
  
During the morning meeting with his brother, he had been given a brief outline on his duties, which were roughly separated into protecting Lord Ryouma, observing the town and training the younger ninjas. In the meeting with Kagerou, she suggested to take over the training for the next few days, allocating the other two tasks to him. Suzukaze was thankful for this windfall; it was dubious he would be able to fight in his brother’s style.  
  
_But what am I to do with the clothes?_ Considering Kagerou’s lack of reaction, it was something she was also used to seeing.  
  
He was still asking himself the same question after storing the clothes temporarily in his (brother’s) room. He made a quick stop to confirm Lord Ryouma was safe, and indeed he was, alongside Princess Camilla, having a passionate discussion. Uneasy with eavesdropping on the lord, Suzukaze decided on scouring the streets, taking position on a rooftop.  
  
_I will have to ask brother,_ Suzukaze resigned. He was reluctant to meet with his brother out in the open, but he supposed it was inevitable that they would have to speak. People would be more suspicious if they avoided each other and rumours surrounding them were the last thing they needed.  
  
Somewhere in the street a woman laughing unnaturally loud made him turn his head.  
  
There was a man, a Hoshidan swordsman from his clothing, talking to the Nohrian axe fighter, Charlotte. She had been the one to make the noise. After a few minutes the man departed, leaving her available for conversation.  
  
_“Charlotte. I like her, she amuses me. She’s a master at switching from one persona to another – oh, you don’t know? Maybe you should leave Charlotte to me. If you can’t avoid contact … remember that girl back at the village, the one who sold us tea? Now remember how I used to be towards her …”_  
  
He could pass this by and leave the questioning to his brother … but what if she was to leave the realm? She wasn’t a retainer to anyone, and with this freedom could be sent out on a mission more easily. It was best he approached her now in case the opportunity, and a possible clue to that fateful night, was lost.  
  
“Charlotte,” he said, appearing before her.  
  
Charlotte whipped out her axe and swung; Suzukaze jumped back.  
  
“Argh! Didn’t you hear me when I told you not to do that?!”  
  
Suzukaze blinked. He had seen Charlotte behave this way a few times but each time she claimed it was a figment of his imagination. Not only did her irritated and blunt manner of speaking refute her claim, it jarred his memories of the tea girl his brother mentioned. He had deliberately sealed off those memories – and he now remembered why.  
  
The tea girl had been fifteen or so at the time, and he and his brother were maybe eight or nine, yet to start their real training. The tea girl was practically alike to Charlotte, but that was not the issue – it was his brother’s responses, which he could remember almost word-for-word because they were so crude and shameful they had been burnt into his memory, and the only way to be free of them was to bury it deep in his mind and close it off. He remembered wanting to disappear, but his will to follow his brother everywhere was too strong.  
  
_Oh, brother. Must I really act like you?_ Suzukaze wished he had left this conversation to his brother.  
  
“… I-I’d have thought you’d be used to it by now. Clearly … you’re slow to learn.”  
  
Suzukaze was glad for the mask as he felt his face fire up, and mentally apologised for his attitude.  
  
Charlotte glared at him, waving her axe. “ _I’m_ slow to learn? Clearly _you_ don’t learn that if you'd approach me like a normal person you wouldn’t have to avoid my blade!”  
  
“You can’t be that much of a threat … if you keep missing.”  
  
He apologised for his lack of faith in her fighting skills, and again for the whole conversation they were going to have so as not to apologise after each comment (and he made one final apology for having to group his apologies together.)  
  
“I was having a decent conversation and – ugh, he probably saw you coming and fled,” Charlotte accused, glaring at him.  
  
“If he needs to flee, I see no loss. Unless you want a coward for a partner.”  
  
Suzukaze remembered this line well because he was so shocked at hearing such an outrageous statement it rendered him unable to speak to his brother for the whole day. It was uncanny how this conversation mirrored the ones between his brother and the tea girl.  
  
“He’s better than you!” Charlotte said, sheathing her axe. “Do you actually have a reason to be here or are you stalking again?”  
  
At last, a question he could reply to in a non-offensive manner.  
  
“That night we drank,” he started.  
  
Charlotte crossed her arms and shrugged. “What about it?”  
  
“… I need details.”  
  
Charlotte’s grimace melted into a grin that slowly spread across her delicate face.  
  
“You have no idea what happened, do you?”  
  
Suzukaze stopped himself from agreeing; his brother would never admit the accusation to be right. “I said, I need details.”  
  
“Let’s see, what can you give me in exchange for information? Money, jewellery—”  
  
“ _What. Happened._ ”  
  
Suzukaze surprised himself with the hardness in his voice.  
  
Charlotte rolled her eyes. “Fine, fine, don’t burn the street down. Nothing happened. I drank you under the table – literally, you fell over and hit your head trying to get back up – and then you drank some more, became sick, and _still_ tried to drink more but your brother stopped you. ‘Suzukaze! Suzukaze! Give me more! I can take it!’” She imitated and burst into laughter at the memory.  
  
Putting aside the momentary tenseness in hearing his own name, Suzukaze was all too familiar with the scene Charlotte just described. He weighed possible responses – be defensive or acquire information – and decided on the latter.  
  
“Did anyone else join us?”  
  
“How should I know, I was the first to leave. Unlike _some people_ , I had to get up early to open the armoury but I still managed it without a hangover. Who’d have thought, Saizou the fifth – a lightweight.”  
  
“I’m not a lightweight,” Suzukaze uttered on behalf of his brother. His brother could take a fair amount of alcohol. Only, not as much as Charlotte, it seemed.  
  
“If that’s all, I’m going to try and find that guy again so _don’t_ join in.” Charlotte ran off in the same direction the man had taken.  
  
A part of Suzukaze hoped there would be a rematch once he was back in his own body, and to make sure he was completely sober when it happened.  
  


* * *

  
  
Saizou placed his hand over his eye. Then swung it open. Then closed, and then open again. He had gone so long without his eye he had forgotten what it was like to have perfect vision.  
  
The world was brighter. He could see the actual distance of shops ahead and three women huddled in kimonos over his right shoulder. He didn’t have to balance his senses, which leaned heavily to his right to compensate.  
  
Without being trained a ninja, he didn’t know how he could have continued serving his lord. Ninjas were taught to be aware of their surroundings and to use their intuition; even with his loss, he could go about his daily life without hindrance. He could always sense when something or someone was close to his right side, but that was because he came to have complete faith in himself and his body.  
  
Learning to fight had been harder. He threw his weapons with unnecessary force because he couldn’t afford them to fall short. Unable to perceive depth, he changed his style to drive his whole energy behind each throw from either arm in rapid succession in case he should miss. He also attacked enemies at ranges closer than other ninjas to improve his accuracy. In the beginning, this technique rapidly depleted him of energy but stamina was easy to build through training. Looking back now, the loss of his eye combined with his hunger for revenge was what made him put his soul into training, almost to the point of obsession. He had to, to make up for his weaknesses.  
  
In Suzukaze’s body, it was different – his mind may be the same but the body was foreign and he couldn’t trust it like he could his own. Then again, he didn’t have to, not when he had perfect vision. He knew he shouldn’t doubt, it was like saying he doubted Suzukaze, but he supposed there would always be a part of him that would worry, and have a plan ready should he need to cover for his brother.  
  
“Sorry to keep you waiting.” Saizou instinctively turned his body to the right when he heard Kamui’s voice, even though he knew he could just glance over.  
  
No, that didn’t matter; Suzukaze didn’t do sidelong glances. He gave each person the respect they deserved by making sure he faced them.  
  
Saizou wondered when he noticed this mannerism.  
  
“I thought I would just pick up my scarf but Kazahana was inside so we ended up chatting,” Kamui said apologetically.  
  
“Was the scarf ready?”  
  
“Oh yes, look.” She pulled out the material from the bag.  
  
“Navy?” he asked before he could stop himself, sounding less his brother and more himself. The scarf was almost identical to the one he owned.  
  
She laughed shyly. “I couldn’t help it.”  
  
Her words suggested that if Suzukaze had heard the answer, he would know the reason behind the purchase.  
  
“Right – I mean, I see.” Kamui didn’t notice the blunder, too busy checking off lists on her fingers.  
  
“We’ve seen the new range of weapons, bought supplies for the mess hall … One more stop to make. I’m sorry to drag you around like this.”  
  
“It’s no trouble at all,” Saizou said. “I am glad to be of assistance.”  
  
Kamui set off again and Saizou walked beside her, bags of groceries in one arm. Did she buy it for herself? It wasn’t a style typically preferred by Hoshidans. Kazahana and Oboro liked flamboyant patterns and even Kagerou owned several clothes that, at first glance, looked dark until one noticed the pink, silver, orange, gold threads entwined into intricate flowers.  
  
Then again, Kamui had spent almost her whole life in Nohr. Many of the women there wore solid colours of darker shades – blue, purple, black. It wasn’t surprising for her to choose a navy scarf.  
  
“Here we are! Actually, I was hoping you could help me.”  
  
Saizou looked to the store and blanched.  
  
“A-a confectionary shop.”  
  
Kamui smiled at him and walked inside. He had no excuse not to go in. He was Suzukaze. Suzukaze had a sweet tooth. He must do this, unless he wanted to rouse suspicion. Taking a deep breath, he held it, stepping into the store which was bustling with people of all ages.  
  
Obviously he was going to have to breathe at some point, but he wanted to prolong it for as long as physically possible. So when he slowly released his breath preparing for the worst and inhaled the scent—  
  
_… Huh. It’s not bad._  
  
The displays were filled with all the Hoshidan delicacies – rice cakes and red bean dumplings, almost all the things he couldn’t stand, but there was no wave of nausea, no rising feeling in his stomach. If anything, he felt faintly hungry.  
  
_Must be because of this body,_ Saizou mused.  
  
“These ones, look,” Kamui said and Saizou weaved between people to where she stood, looking at the section where they sold rice crackers. “Do you think Saizou would be able to eat these?”  
  
At his name being raised again, Saizou glanced at Kamui and then looked to the rice crackers.  
  
This store was also relatively new and he hadn’t had reason to visit (why would he when he couldn’t even step foot into the building?) There were usual flavours of salt, soy sauce and sesame seeds but others he had never tasted. Cheese. Garlic. Herbs.  
  
“I’ve already tried the traditional ones but then I saw these. According to the owners, they made flavours that may also appeal to the Nohrians living here. I wasn’t sure if Saizou had tried them – or if he even ate rice crackers. He doesn’t think they’re sweet, does he?”  
  
Even with the tension between the two countrymen, there were those who were willing to trade, make amends and, in this case, merge the cultures together. It was simple deeds like this that made Saizou have hope for the future, once this war was over.  
  
More surprising though, was Kamui’s thoughtfulness.  
  
“I think he would be especially grateful for your gift.”  
  
He didn’t know if the words were said as Suzukaze, or himself.  
  
At the thought of Suzukaze, his heart sank a little; this gift would be given to him. _It doesn’t matter,_ Saizou told himself firmly, it was the thought that counted. If he had received the gift without this awareness of Kamui buying it with him in mind, he would have thought maybe someone had given it to her first and it was too much for her to eat by herself. He may have tried one or two out of interest but he too would have given the rest away, probably to Kagerou or Suzukaze. He didn’t like to think how many times she had given him gifts in the past, and how many times he had accepted without being truly appreciative of the thought behind them.  
  
“Shall we go, Suzukaze?”  
  
Saizou saw her standing in front of him holding the small box in dark red wrapping, and for the first time, didn’t have to remind himself to smile.  
  
Once outside, he glanced back at the store. Maybe he would go and visit the shop again at some point. Maybe even taste one or two of the confectionaries.  
  
“ _Suzukaze_.” Saizou straightened at the sound of his voice, turning to face himself. Was he really that cold when he called to Suzukaze? He was under the impression he didn’t use his training voice to his brother when they spoke.  
  
That wasn’t what was pressing. More important was why Suzukaze was talking to him in the first place.  
  
“Oh, Saizou!”  
  
He watched himself glance to Kamui and give a nod. “Kamui.”  
  
_Is that how I greet her?_  
  
“Suzukaze, a word.”  
  
“Of course, brother,” he replied.  
  
He followed himself into the shadows of an alley, where he stepped close to his brother so they could speak in hushed tones.  
  
“What are you doing?” he hissed.  
  
“I had to see you, it’s a matter of urgency,” Suzukaze’s tone changed immediately to one of desperation. “This morning, I received from Lord Ryouma his kimono and sandals. I have them stored in your room, however I am not sure what it is I am supposed to be doing with them. Are they to be washed? They looked clean …”  
  
Another thing Saizou forgot to mention. Maybe this switch was taking up a lot more of his focus than he realised.  
  
“I guess you’ll have to know.” Saizou struggled to find the right words. “They’re for you to … warm.”  
  
“Warm? Does Lord Ryouma find his quarters cold?”  
  
His brother would think that. _Anyone_ would think that. “No … It’s said that warming another’s clothes will deepen the bond you have with them. I asked Lord Ryouma for that privilege so that the bond we share as retainer and lord could be strengthened.”  
  
Roughly a year must have passed since that exchange, amidst fighting off the faceless at the Nohrian festival of bonds. At first he thought he had overstepped a boundary, what with the way his lord hesitated. He made himself scarce, mortified that he was the cause of his lord’s distress, until he had been called back and Lord Ryouma granted him the request. He had been continuing this practice since, except on days – such as yesterday – he had been granted off.  
  
“In that case I must light a fire right away!”  
  
“Not – no.”  
  
“… No?”  
  
“You … warm them inside your tunic.”  
  
Suzukaze fell quiet, Saizou waited to be ridiculed. Suddenly, Suzukaze looked as though an idea struck him. “So that it’s as close to your heart as possible and that warmth and emotion will be transferred over when they wear the clothes. Brother, what a novel concept. Perhaps when we return to ourselves I can ask Lady Kamui for the same privilege. But she always walks barefooted … and rarely wears a kimono … oh, I could suggest warming her nightclothes!”  
  
Saizou coughed at the purity of his brother spoken in his voice and wondered if he had ever been that innocent. “Suzukaze. Do you not hear yourself.”  
  
He waited, staring at his own face (the crease between his eyebrows really was much more visible than he thought, it was no wonder people constantly mentioned it) until Suzukaze opened his dead eye the moment realisation struck.  
  
“Y-you’re right, brother. That was inappropriate of me.”  
  
Saizou gave a nod. “A-as long as you realise. Anyway, you still have time, I deliver them before his evening meal. If that’s everything—”  
  
“Before you leave, how was my impression of you?”  
  
“… Acceptable.”  
  
“Am I able to improve? How was my choice of words? Was my demand too weak?”  
  
“No, it was – it’s fine,” Saizou reassured, overwhelmed by the questions on something he had never given much thought. “If there is one thing … you don’t need to use my training voice to speak to me. To you … You understand what I mean.”  
  
“Of course, brother. Thank you for assisting Lady Kamui. I will meet with you later at our usual place.” With that Suzukaze disappeared.  
  
When Saizou returned to the street, he saw Kamui waiting for him.  
  
“Is everything okay?” she asked.  
  
“Yes, Lady Kamui,” Saizou lied. “Everything is absolutely fine.”  
  


* * *

  
  
Hours after nightfall and atop their tree, Suzukaze listened in surprise to the chuckles of his own voice – one, because he did not know he could chuckle so heartily and two, because he could still make his brother laugh.  
  
“I would’ve liked to see that,” his brother finally said in response to Suzukaze telling him of his conversation with Charlotte.  
  
“It still makes me cringe when I think of the way you were towards that tea girl,” Suzukaze replied. “All those times she threw things at you, shooing you away and you stood there calmly with those offensive comebacks.”  
  
“You were the only person cringing. She enjoyed it, otherwise she wouldn’t have kept giving us extra tea.”  
  
“She gave us extra tea because I went to see her afterwards and apologised for your behaviour!”  
  
This reply only caused another bout of chuckles, which again sounded odd to his ears. “I know. And I’d go and see her afterwards to demand she tell me what you said. She’d give me extra too, ruffling my hair and calling me a rascal. You think I wasn’t aware of what you were doing when you suddenly had to leave because you ‘forgot something at the shop’?”  
  
This was news to Suzukaze. “Why did you not say anything?” He always assumed his excuses were subtle enough to deceive his brother who never said anything other than ‘hurry up, then’.  
  
“Because it seemed important to you.” Suzukaze felt warmed by those words but that warmth was short lived. “Honestly speaking, part of what I said was to deliberately make you cringe. It was amusing, watching your face burn red while you tugged at my tunic, saying—”  
  
“ _Brother!_ ” Suzukaze said, appalled.  
  
“Exactly like that!” He said, laughing once more.  
  
His brother had the cheek to do anything when he was younger. It was with the training his humour started to fade – _but not lost_ , Suzukaze realised, hearing him talk and laugh in this way.  
  
The wave of good humour subsided. “All right, I apologise. Still, Charlotte doesn’t mind the way I talk, even with all her complaints.”  
  
They settled into a comfortable silence. Fewer chirps could be heard from the crickets tonight, and the drop in temperature coupled with the scales of clouds he saw earlier forecasted rainfall tomorrow. Suzukaze filled the time pondering over how the weather was controlled in this realm.  
  
A soft snort disturbed the quiet.  
  
“Is something else amusing?” Suzukaze said, thinking he was the source of his brother’s entertainment again. The sourness in his voice reminded him of the way his brother usually spoke.  
  
“I was thinking, it’s been a long time since I thought of that tea girl. Maybe we should pay her a visit when we’re next back home.”  
  
This brought a smile to Suzukaze’s face. “I would like that, brother. Though please, do _not_ try to make me cringe this time—”  
  
“ _Yes_ , Suzukaze, I’ll not embarrass you. I think we’ve had enough for tonight. We’ll meet again at the same time tomorrow.”  
  
He could hear the rustle of his brother’s clothes as he prepared to leave.  
  
“Brother, before I forget.”  
  
Suzukaze took out the small box and held it out to his brother. They may have been in darkness but his brother would be able to make out his outstretched arm, and the square angles at the end.  
  
“… What is it?”  
  
“The gift from Lady Kamui.”  
  
Lady Kamui called for him and presented him with the gift. ‘I thought you might enjoy it,’ she had said, placing the box into his hand before hurrying away. This display showed Suzukaze the reason why the relationship between Kamui and his brother hardly moved forward – her words were too vague for his brother to notice.  
  
That thought also reminded him that he would soon need to form a reply to Lady Kamui, one his brother wouldn’t decipher.  
  
“… She gave it to you,” his brother said, voice tense. Suzukaze regretted that he had been the one to rob his brother of his mirth.  
  
He hoped the gift would at least bring back a smile. “She gave it to _you_ , brother. Please take it.”  
  
Suzukaze held out the box as they both sat unmoving, until he heard another rustle. The box slipped out of his hands, then his brother disappeared without a word. He laughed to himself at his brother’s embarrassment. The sound of his brother’s voice chuckling was comforting to his ears, and he decided to stay a while longer in the trees, reminiscing of days gone by.


	4. Chapter 4

The world below was blurred with wet mist, the sky above smudged with grey. Rain also affected Saizou viewing the sight, sitting in the obscurity in between; his good temper of yesterday had been washed away into something that resembled the damp weather of the morn, reality soaking him through and through weighing down his thoughts.  
  
When Saizou awoke to check his reflection and found Suzukaze’s face staring back at him, he grew angry – angry at this curse that wouldn’t fade, and angry with himself. He should have been searching for ways to find out how to switch back, not wasting time digging up the past and laughing at old memories, turning in for the night with the wishful expectation that whatever this was would disappear by dawn.  
  
“Did you sleep well, brother?” Suzukaze asked when he arrived and sat on the next branch over.  
  
Saizou glared at him. If Suzukaze was surprised at the glint in his eyes he didn’t show it, returning a warm smile that made Saizou’s face look younger by several years. Suzukaze had taken to removing his mask and scarf when they spoke in the morning; Saizou didn’t like it but he wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up.  
  
“It’s the third day and we’ve not changed.”  
  
“No, we have not,” Suzukaze sighed. “What should we do?”  
  
“We _should_ be coming up with solutions, not enjoying ourselves. Are you sure you didn’t leave anything out from the conversation with Charlotte?” Saizou accused. As if Suzukaze would deliberately censor information that could be of use.  
  
Suzukaze took the verbal outlash without a word and retold the entire conversation without any of previous night’s embarrassment, all calm and no agitation, finishing with an apology for not being able to provide more and a promise to do better.  
  
Saizou exhaled sharply. He was being irrational; he of all people had no right to blame Suzukaze. His brother had done more to actively seek information, unlike him who had been – doing what exactly? Helping Kamui shop for presents for himself? The words he had spoken were aimed at the wrong person.  
  
“Sorry,” he muttered. “I know you’re trying.”  
  
“You’re not at fault, brother.” Saizou wanted to know how Suzukaze was always so forgiving of other people’s tempers. “Do you think it would be best to consult someone?”  
  
“Consult? Consult _who_ , Suzukaze?” Saizou batted the idea away. “We can’t go to royalty, they won’t forgive us for what we’ve done. We can’t go to anyone associated to royalty, there’s no guarantee they would keep it secret if ordered to reveal information.”  
  
“I was thinking of someone with knowledge of magic.”  
  
“Orochi? She wouldn’t be able to hold her tongue from Kagerou. Tsukuyomi doesn’t look to have enough experience.”  
  
Prince Leon was out of the question and his retainer, Odin, was out on a mission. Not that he trusted the sorcerer with their secret or thought him powerful enough to fix the problem.  
  
“Someone of a more neutral standing maybe.”  
  
Saizou recognised this technique – subtle suggestions and gentle coaxing to lead him to saying the answer even though Suzukaze already knew the answer himself. He was so good at it, Saizou fell for it almost every time.  
  
“Say it, Suzukaze. Who?” Today, Saizou wasn’t in the mood to be played.  
  
He watched himself hesitate. “Someone like … Nyx.”  
  
“Nyx.” Saizou tried to place the unfamiliar name to a face he might recognise. A Nohrian name, but not a retainer to any of the royalties. “Wait, that tiny sorcerer? She looks younger than Tsukuyomi!”  
  
“No, brother, she is under a curse, one that has stopped her from aging physically but mentally she is far older than anyone here. It’s not unlike our situation and she is powerful with many years of practice. I feel she would be the most appropriate person to approach.”  
  
Saizou wasn’t sure if he could trust the girl – woman, if Suzukaze was correct. They had been introduced to each other but besides that, hadn’t spoken. She wasn’t from Hoshido but she didn’t associate herself with Nohr. An outsider. The sole person to wholly vouch for her was the one who recruited her in the first place – Kamui. Saizou knew he should trust her judgement, but he also couldn’t help but think she was naïve in throwing away her trust to every single person she met. Who’s to say that girl ( _woman_ ) wasn’t taking advantage of Kamui’s kindness.  
  
On the other hand, there was no sign of the magic fading.  
  
“We can trust her?” he finally asked.  
  
“If you are talking of her position in the army, she has grown close to many of its members and are relied on in battle. If you are worried about whether she can keep our transformation a secret, she still considers herself to be somewhat separate from the two lands, so will not feel the need to consult either parties of what has happened.”  
  
They could turn to no other practiced in magic and Suzukaze’s reasoning was sound.  
  
“I guess we’ve no choice. The sooner we find answers, the sooner we return to normal. We’ll finish our duties and then go.”  
  
“Thank you, brother.”  
  
There it was again, that warm smile offered completely from the heart. Saizou wondered if he even knew how to smile like that.  
  
“Put your mask back on,” he ordered, and left.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze left the tree shortly after his brother only to come face to face with himself again outside Lady Kamui’s room where Lord Ryouma and Princess Camilla were also gathered. He and his brother were dismissed immediately, being told that it was a family matter, and his brother muttered to him to go and speak to Kagerou instead.  
  
His brother’s mood was understandable – with so much responsibility on his shoulders, he was the more anxious between them to return to normal. Suzukaze hardly knew where to begin with his brother’s duties or how much needed to be done, their work so different from each other, so he could only perform what was advised.  
  
Once outside on the grounds, Suzukaze hid himself in the shadows to watch a ninja receive a battering from two opponents – Kagerou and the weather. His form exposed various openings which Kagerou used to her advantage, swiping at him with her kunai, shredding his clothes with one end and bruising him with the other. The trainee had yet to learn to use all his available skills and looked confused each time he tried to strike and Kageoru had disappeared behind him for an attack.  
  
With a purpose always in his mind, whether training to better himself or battling to keep himself and others alive, Suzukaze had never taken the time to just watch as he was doing now, and to study the smooth transition of Kagerou’s movements. Whereas he used his speed and his brother his strength, her focus was on technique. His initial reasoning was that she was a woman, quickly disproven when watching a prior one-on-one match with a _kunoichi_. The female trainee used a wider range of techniques than the one currently receiving a beating but her style was more aggressive, leaning towards his brother’s than Kagerou’s.  
  
Kagerou’s moves were artistic; Suzukaze imagined the way she fought to reflect the way she painted, each stroke swift and deliberate, an outline already set in her mind with the flexibility to adjust to change but the outcome always the same – to exist.  
  
At this thought, Suzukaze hoped he would one day be able to view her work.  
  
The young ninja slipped to the ground, kunai resting on his neck. Kagerou muttered something then helped him to his feet. She called out another order drowned by the rain, to which the trainees partnered up and started practicing. It was one thing training in the comforts of the sun and another when nature abandoned your side.  
  
“Come to offer your insights?” he heard her speak behind him.  
  
“No, I was—” Suzukaze stopped himself before he could finish that sentence with ‘admiring your technique’. It was too late to retract the first part. “—Observing.”  
  
“They have a lot to learn but there’s potential,” she said, coming to stand by his side. “If they’re not scared away, that is.”  
  
_‘If you’re not prepared to lay down your life, you’re prepared only to leave – immediately.’_ That was one of his brother’s opening speeches to fresh recruits, words varying in degree throughout the years but its meaning never changed. Suzukaze thought to repeat the phrase but decided against it – creating unnecessary tension was not his intent.  
  
“You already know what I think,” he said instead.  
  
“All too well. Those training over there are feisty. Not only do they stay after your warnings, but they train hard for your approval – they must agree with your line of thinking. Try not to drive them away.”  
  
Suzukaze snorted; he found it amusing, and his brother would also.  
  
“How is our lord?”  
  
“He’s in a family meeting with Lady Ka – milla and … Kamui.” Suzukaze quickly saved his slip. Dropping his lady’s title felt strange on his lips, as though he was disrespecting her. It was puzzling why his brother deliberately left out the ‘lady’ when he spoke to or of her; all other nobles retained their titles whether they were Hoshidan or Nohrian, but Lady Kamui was just ‘Kamui’ to him, despite her royal blood. Suzukaze pocketed the thought.  
  
“There are many of those meetings recently. Understandable, when this is the lone sanctuary where Hoshido and Nohr can interact peacefully without disruptions.”  
  
Suzukaze agreed with her words because their way of thinking aligned. However, he was not quite himself and his brother would find a way to counter her comment, overly suspicious and cautious of anything that resembled peace or kindness, as if it were a ruse. It was easy when his brother made the arguments and Suzukaze could turn them around to shed light on a more positive point of view, but coming up with those arguments from scratch was a challenge.  
  
“I feel our lord is much more at peace recently because of them,” Kagerou continued by herself.  
  
“They seem worthy of his trust,” Suzukaze said finally, a sort of middle ground.  
  
Kagerou shifted beside him, but said nothing.  
  
_I wonder …_ Suzukaze had an idea – daring, but one that could help fill spaces where thorny comments should be spoken.  
  
“I spoke to Suzukaze earlier,” he said carefully, feeling bold enough to try. “He said you talked about your interest in painting.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“He wondered if you paint the same way you fight.”  
  
He glanced at Kagerou. Her emotions were concealed but he could maybe sense her ease slightly.  
  
“Hm. It never occurred for me to think about my style that way. Suzukaze is a keen observer, there may be some truth to what he says.”  
  
Suzukaze smiled under his mask at the success in relaying his thoughts as his brother. It may prove useful to bring himself up as a topic in future conversations.  
  
“Tell Suzukaze he’s welcome to visit if he wishes to see my paintings.”  
  
Suzukaze already learnt his lesson about expressing gratitude towards Kagerou, so instead gave a nod. Kagerou seemed satisfied, and in a second, disappeared to give another set of instructions to the trainees.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Without Kamui to look after and no tasks to be accomplished, Saizou realised he was … free. He knew Suzukaze often came to train with him but it was too risky to try that out in the open when they hadn’t crossed blades as each other in private. It wasn’t his turn to tend any of the stores and he had no errands to run.  
  
Saizou didn’t know what to do with himself.  
  
So he took to the trees for the second time that day, to clear his head of the morning’s thoughts. At least he could call it patrolling. The foliage provided good cover from the rain, though occasional drops escaped between the gaps to wet his hair and clothes.  
  
Several minutes in and he stopped in his tracks, using his senses to search the woodland surroundings. Someone was watching.  
  
“… Belka.”  
  
He was met with silence.  
  
She suddenly dropped down in front of him, landing with a crunch.  
  
_“It’s not unusual for Belka to make sudden appearances when I walk alone, and I always ask if she would like to accompany me. She has come to understand joy in the simplicity of being at one with nature and observing its creatures. She may question you, but silence also comes to us naturally.”  
_  
The Nohrian girl stared up at him.  
  
“… Would you like to accompany me?” Saizou asked, directly quoting his brother. Company was the last thing he needed but his brother would never dismiss anyone for his own sake.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Belka decided the direction and Saizou strode to up to her so they could walk side by side. Going for strolls went against their natures as ninja and assassin, as the crunch of leaves and twigs under their feet filled the air and gave away their position. Still, it was relatively safe here; they could half let down their guard.  
  
Saizou’s image of the rumoured assassin had been off the mark. He expected a bloodthirsty girl with an unsound mind (going from the stereotypical image he used to have of Nohrians) but instead he was met with flat expression and monotone – in some ways more intimidating. Their first conversation consisted of her asking his total number of kills, not so that she could boast but a casual enquiry, as though that was an appropriate conversation between two people who had never met.  
  
Then again, he hadn’t flinched at that topic either; answering honestly and returning the question back to her.  
  
“You are not yourself,” Belka commented.  
  
Saizou almost faltered in his step. Could she tell he wasn’t Suzukaze? Before he could make excuses, she looked at him.  
  
“Something is on your mind.”  
  
Relief calmed his nerves and he reminded himself to smile even thought it was the last thing he wanted to be doing.  
  
“I apologise for giving you concern.”  
  
Belka registered his smile and returned to looking ahead.  
  
“You should talk about it.”  
  
He wasn’t sure if that was an invitation for him to share. If it was, it was a surprising one from the assassin. He didn’t think she would care; but this was Suzukaze. He cared enough about other people that they ended up caring for him too. He looked at the ground, concentrating on placing his feet where it was least likely to make noise.  
  
Saizou didn’t want to talk about what happened between him and Suzukaze (during the morning, not the whole switching incident) so he reminded himself that she had been another drinking companion and steered the conversation towards that event.  
  
“The night we went drinking. Would you be able to tell me what happened?”  
  
“You do not remember?” she asked back.  
  
“My memory of that night is ... hazy.” _Non-existant_ , was what he meant but he wasn't going to admit that.  
  
He raised his head at a sound that was probably a snort and saw a ghost of a smile at the corner of her lips. “That is a shame. You and your brother were … amusing. Yes, I think that is the right word.”  
  
“Amusing? What do you mean?” He hoped his tone was softer than how he would normally speak.  
  
“It was Rinkah who made the suggestion. That you act like each other.”  
  
“Suz – _I_ acted like … my brother?” He could imagine him doing impressions of Suzukaze, not the other way around.  
  
“Yes. Both your portrayals were accurate.”  
  
Saizou racked his brain (Suzukaze’s if he wanted to be technical, and he tried not to because it was, in a word, unearthly), searching for even a shadow of that memory, but it seemed Suzukaze had drank past his limit for remembering, even if that limit was far lower than his own. It did explain why, through drunkenness, Suzukaze would agree to acting like him.  
  
But this was a clue. They acted like each other and now they _were_ each other. There had to be a connection somewhere.  
  
“Was there anything else we did? Or anything else that happened?”  
  
“It was unusual,” she started. Saizou’s pulse beat faster at the slight chance of finding a further clue. “That night was the first time I saw the two of you act … brotherly.”  
  
It wasn’t the answer he was hoping for.  
  
_Brotherly_. What did that mean anyway? He looked out for Suzukaze and offered pointers for improvement. Wasn’t that, by definition, brotherly?  
  
Maybe she meant that he usually lacked affection. His lord was stern but knew when to offer a kind word, Prince Marx also. He knew he was hard on Suzukaze, but that was because, in his eyes, Suzukaze was too innocent – not unlike Kamui. Both retainer and lady offered their trust too easily, believed too quickly. Saizou was concerned for the both of them and took it upon himself to make sure they continued to be safe.  
  
“It’s true my brother and I are … not close.” Something stirred inside – or was that Suzukaze’s heart reacting to his words? “But we look out for each other and have each others’ best interests at heart.”  
  
Belka kept her eyes to the front, and he assumed the conversation was closed. _  
_  
“I can only speak through my impressions of watching siblings interact but in that regard … maybe you are right.”  
  
They walked in silence the rest of the way until their feet took them back to the edge of town. Belka stopped suddenly and looked up to the skies.  
  
“It has stopped raining.”  
  
Clouds continued to hang low but streaks were peeling off in the distance to reveal a weak yellow.  
  
“You look … refreshed,” she said, and gave herself a nod for what she presumed was a correct analysis. “I hope on our next walk the animals will not be in hiding.”  
  
Saizou gave a nod in return. “I hope so too. Thank you for your listening, Belka.”  
  
It was interesting how reluctant he was to have company, yet it was company who made him feel better. And it was interesting how much easier it was to give thanks when it was spoken in his brother’s voice.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Nyx was short in comparison to Suzukaze and his brother, barely reaching chest height. Her appearances were young, by what he presumed to be approximately a decade. She was dainty and feminine, surrounded in an air of elegant contempt (not without reason) and Suzukaze – he had to apologise to his brother, but he felt overbearing and uncouth in her presence, standing in a body that felt too bulky, wearing a scarf that was in tatters.  
  
As soon as she had opened the door to them, she held out her hand, uttered ‘not one word’ and ushered them inside.  
  
Five minutes and they were still standing, making neither movement nor sound, pinned under her scrutiny. Suzukaze felt as timid as he did when scolded as a child (often through the work of his brother.)  
  
Suzukaze had been inside Nyx’s room many times, often to borrow her books. Stacks of leather-bound tomes that looked too heavy for her to hold were neatly placed around the bed and on the shelves, jars of suspicious-looking specimens unlabeled but grouped and organised in order of size or type. It was different from Odin’s room – Odin’s room itself was the container to hold all that was strange and fantastical, but he knew exactly where everything was and could instantly pick out the specific item when asked (‘it’s called _organised_ mess’ Suzukaze had been told, though he was uncertain why Odin said it so proudly.)  
  
His eye went to the smaller books that were arranged along the shelves of her bedside table, longing to know its contents. He guessed those to be the romance novels she would occasionally mention but deny owning or reading. He had recently visited a bookstore to buy a few and started to read their stories, though he would much rather be reading those recommended by her. His strategy was to ask her verdict on the titles he had read – she would naturally speak further about why the book was worth her time if she approved of his choices and if she disapproved, she would offer better replacements from her own selection.  
  
“You’ve changed,” she said finally, drawing his attention back to the matter at hand. “No – _switched_. How long has this been going on?”  
  
“This is our third day,” Suzukaze offered.  
  
Nyx’s expression hardened.  
  
“You two switched and you decided to wait this long before asking for help.”  
  
The aura of wrath she had been concealing could be felt seething from her body. Suzukaze tensed; he felt his brother do the same.  
  
“We thought we would return to normal,” he heard his brother mumble beside him. Nyx responded with a glare that could only be given by an older woman who thought the response to be inexcusable and childish.  
  
She also shared that look with Suzukaze (again, through the work of his brother) before shaking her head. “You’re both idiots.”  
  
Suzukaze could sense his brother bristling. “Would you be able to help us?” he asked quickly.  
  
“Do you know the cause?”  
  
“No—”  
  
“—I am afraid not.”  
  
Nyx drew a long breath and exhaled slowly. “I’ll have to consult my books.”  
  
“Suzukaze said you’re powerful. Surely you can just—” he saw his brother wave his hand in a manner he presumed was how sorcerers and mages cast spells – clumsily, without finesse.  
  
“Not when the cause is unknown. It could be that your bodies have switched, or your souls have switched, or—”  
  
“Aren’t they the same thing?” his brother cut in.  
  
Nyx threw him a sharp look and Suzukaze thought if she could cast spells with her eyes, it would be enough to put his brother in a serious amount of pain. “Are you and your replica the same?”  
  
“What? No. The replica is just that – a replica.”  
  
“Then no, switching between bodies and souls are not _‘the same thing’_.”  
  
Suzukaze coughed, grateful for the mask because he was having difficulty controlling his smile.  
  
“I don’t need to see your face to know you’re laughing,” he was told and was thrown a look that was a mixture of threat and defeat. Unfortunately for his brother, his own face wasn’t as menacing as his brother’s, so he looked mostly defeated with the failed attempt of looking threatening. Suzukaze had to turn away in case he started laughing out loud.  
  
“Are you two done?” Nyx put her foot down on their brief interlude.  
  
“I am sorry, Nyx,” Suzukaze said, clearing his throat but still unable to reign his smile. “Please continue.”  
  
Her eyes wandered over their bodies, noting something indiscernible to them even with their heightened senses.  
  
“I detect powerful magic beyond what’s usually necessary for a transformation. Blindly attempting to reverse the process without knowing its root cause could spawn complications – and complications are what we’ll have if we’re lucky.”  
  
“We understand and appreciate all the help you could give us.”  
  
Nyx waved away his gratitude. “You should have gone to someone as soon as you realised. What if the spell concretes over time?”  
  
“What do you mean?” his brother asked. Suzukaze felt a wave of anxiety at the ominous implication.  
  
“What if your states become permanent?”  
  
Suzukaze looked to his brother who turned to face him at the same time. INot once did it occur to them that they could be stuck as each other – for the rest of their lives.  
  
“You don’t need to look so worried. The spell’s powerful but it’s free of malice, meaning it’s not a curse. Switching, shape shifting, they’re normal practice – just look at Kamui. How did she take to your switch?”  
  
“She didn’t,” his brother responded curtly.  
  
“We were hoping you could be … _discreet_ about our situation,” Suzukaze said, his tone pleading.  
  
“No one knows you’ve switched,” she said slowly; anything they said just seemed to add to her displeasure. “I don’t know what you two are thinking, or how long you think you can keep this up without anyone’s knowledge … but how you go about it is your business. I’ll keep this information quiet unless I think it dangerous.”  
  
“We cannot thank you enough.”  
  
Nyx sighed. “You can’t thank me yet, Suzukaze, I haven't done anything. Now both of you – leave.”  
  
They stepped outside and she slammed the door firmly behind them, harder than she would normally.  
  
“It looks like there may be a solution,” Suzukaze offered with hope. Never had he seen uncertainty so plainly visible on his brother, but that may be because he was looking at his own face. It only increased his own growing apprehension.  
  
“But can she find it quickly?” his brother asked.  
  
‘Before it’s too late’ hung unspoken between them, and it continued to linger in Suzukaze’s thoughts long after they parted.  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Although Suzukaze was not one to leave matters to chance, he had been relying more on its capricious nature these past few days. Thankfully, it turned a sympathetic eye towards his plight as he pretended successfully to be his twin to conceal their switch, or used himself as a tool to speak to Kagerou without mishaps.  
  
Suzukaze was about to test its benignity once more by forming a reply to Lady Kamui to be relayed by his brother – without his brother realising that he was the subject of their conversation.  
  
Swept up in the whirlwind that was their sudden transformation, the conversation between Suzukaze and Lady Kamui had been left abandoned, waiting to be steered in a direction that boded well or ill. He should have been the one to control the rudder, but fate had offered that role (purposefully, he suspected) to his brother. Still, divination was unnecessary to know the outcome; he was _adamant_ that whatever happened, his brother and Lady Kamui would end up together. _  
_  
During the day of their switch, Lady Kamui confided in Suzukaze of her growing feelings for his brother. She wanted his opinion, his blessing, and his reassurance that she would not be interfering in the duties of Saizou the fifth. For Suzukaze who already had more than an inkling of their mutual feelings, he could not be any happier.  
  
There were obstacles; instinct told him (kicked and screamed at him really) that his brother fostered similar interest, however there was no indication of this on the surface. Suzukaze wanted to be absolutely certain of his brother’s feelings towards Lady Kamui before confronting him – and then nudging him into confessing.  
  
With their switch, he had to do all this without being caught.  
  
“—Suzukaze, are you listening?”  
  
Hearing his name brought him back to the present. His brother had been reporting on the conversation with Belka and filling in another missing piece.  
  
“I apologise, my mind was elsewhere. Could you repeat what you were saying?”  
  
“It’s not like you to lose focus.” It came out as a neutral comment than an accusation, which meant his brother was showing concern.  
  
Suzukaze looked to the town and made his decision; the reply could no longer be postponed and he could not subject Lady Kamui to greater concern. “I was thinking on the reply I have prepared.”  
  
“For Kamui?”  
  
“Yes, brother. That reminds me, may I first ask a personal question?”  
  
His brother snorted. “You’re going to anyway.”  
  
His brother’s responses no longer had the sullenness of the previous day, but neither did it have the humour of the day before that. If Suzukaze concentrated especially hard, he could almost hear his brother’s voice concealed under his own.  
  
“I suppose you’re right. Here it is then – why do you remove Lady Kamui’s title?”  
  
“What?”  
  
Suzukaze looked to find a frown appearing on his own face. By the time they returned to normal, would he have a permanent crease between his brows to match his brother, he wondered.  
  
“You do not hesitate to put some manner of title before any other royalty’s name, yet to you, Lady Kamui is … Kamui.”  
  
“There’s no reason,” his brother said with a shrug. “Probably because I thought her a traitor in the beginning.”  
  
“But she has earned your trust …”  
  
“It’s too late to start calling her ‘lady’ now, we’re supposed to be ‘friends’. And after experiencing first hand the way she tries to get you to drop the politeness, it’d be a step backwards. I’d never hear the end of it.”  
  
Suzukaze noted the way his brother met his eye and turned away too soon, a blush barely colouring his cheeks.  
  
_Ah, so he does not wish to widen the distance_. It was weak, but still one piece of evidence he could add to his collection.  
  
“Thank you for answering my trivial curiosity. As for the reply, I must stress that it is imperative you speak with her in a public location.”  
  
That turned his brother’s attention back to him. “In public? What for?”  
  
“So she does not disclose more than necessary and you do not to delve too deeply. She is more likely to keep the conversation short if in public, and it will save you from any unwanted turns to the subject. The situation is also rather delicate – Lady Kamui has only informed one or two people so far, fearing it will have negative impact if too many people knew before she was able to express herself.”  
  
“If it’s inviting ‘negative impact’, why say it at all? Wait – shouldn’t I know about it? What if she’s plotting against Lord Ryouma?”  
  
His brother was being deliberately difficult. “She is _afraid_ of it happening. In actuality, it will not cause anyone harm, least of all Lord Ryouma. Please trust me on this.”  
  
This he could swear on his life, as Lady Kamui had already spoken to Lord Ryouma. She said that his reaction had been extremely positive and she made him promise several times over not to mention it to a single soul. Lord Ryouma was a man of his word but most likely was keeping an eye on the situation.  
  
“Basically you want to say it’s not my business.”  
  
“That’s not what I—”  
  
“I guess if she can confide in you, it won’t be detrimental to the lord.”  
  
His brother’s response was a far cry from the response he gave when Suzukaze sided with Lady Kamui who, at the time, was considered a traitor. His brother’s growing trust in him warmed him.  
  
Yet, he could not help hear whispers tell him he was betraying that trust.  
  
_What I am doing is for your own good, brother._ Suzukaze quelled his conscience – for now.  
  
“You have nothing to worry about,” Suzukaze said. Spoken in his brother’s voice, he felt his brother also affirmed that he was making the correct decision.  
  
“What is it I have to say then?”  
  
“Brother, you must say this exactly as I tell you—”  
  
“So I keep hearing.”  
  
“If you make even the slightest mistake—”  
  
“Spit it out, Suzukaze!”  
  
Now he would find out whether chance really was on his side, or whether it had only been teasing him to make him falsely believe so.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Saizou stood behind a flower stand, hiding his face behind thick leaves and large flowers, watching Kamui and Silas immersed in conversation, waiting for their talk to come to a close.  
  
Silas was a positive man and his demeanour and features projected this optimism. Right now though, Saizou could see it was concealed under serious determination and he wondered what they could be talking about. He couldn’t see Kamui’s expression with her back turned to him.  
  
Saizou shifted his head a degree to an angle that would help him see out of the corner of his eye; he wasn’t the only one doing some watching. Sure enough, he could see a woman stood still and facing towards his direction. If she was an assassin, she was a poor one. He turned his back to her, running his fingers over petals while pretending to be interested, and waited for her to approach.  
  
Footsteps came scurrying up to him and stopped immediately behind.  
  
“S-Suzukaze! P-please take this as a token of my a-affection!”  
  
_What?!_ Saizou slowly turned only to have that woman shove a basket into his arms before running off. It was covered in a cloth, which he pinched the corner of and peeled back carefully as though he expected whatever was inside to explode. He found only a selection of fruits and a note written with ‘To Suzukaze’ … and a heart.  
  
He had completely forgotten about his brother’s ‘luck’ with the ladies.  
  
“What am I supposed to do with this?” he muttered to himself. He turned his attention back to his original targets and found them unmoved.  
  
“Suzukaze!”  
  
Saizou winced at his brother’s name being called out and saw two more women running up to him, only slowing down after invading too much of his personal space. He took a step back; his foot knocked against the stall.  
  
“Suzukaze! I’m so glad to see you, I wanted you to have this—”  
  
“I thought you might want to try what I made, Suzukaze—”  
  
“I handmade these chocolates just for you—”  
  
“I baked you cakes, I know how much you love them—”  
  
They dropped their large packages (how much did they think he was going to eat?!) on top of the basket that was already in his arms and started bickering between themselves. Saizou couldn’t understand Suzukaze’s celebrity status – what did women see in him and how did he get any work done?  
  
Saizou couldn’t brush these women off and express his disinterest. Not when he was meant to be Suzukaze.  
  
“You both show too much kindness to someone so lowly,” Saizou said, feeling uncomfortable speaking kind words to random strangers showering him with unwanted gifts. “I could not possibly accept your gifts when others are much more deserving.”  
  
They both turned to face him and stepped forward – with the stall right behind him, Saizou could only lean back with flowers as his cushion.  
  
“That’s not true—”  
  
“—I couldn’t think of anyone more deserving than you!”  
  
“Suzukaze.” With another call of his brother’s name, Saizou feared he had attracted the attention of more women and turned wearily towards his next speaker.  
  
“K – L-Lady Kamui,” he stuttered. He also gave a nod to the grinning cavalier standing behind her. “Silas.”  
  
At the sight of Kamui, the two women uttered their goodbyes and scampered away, allowing Saizou room to stand – and breathe.  
  
“Ever the ladies’ man. I’m jealous you get so much attention,” Silas said, his eyes flickering to the gifts enviously.  
  
“Take them,” Saizou said, almost pushing them onto him. “Please.”  
  
Silas looked tempted for a moment, then laughed and shook his head. “No, it wouldn’t feel right, they’re meant for you,” he said and turned to Kamui. “I’d better go and prepare. I’ll speak to you later.”  
  
Silas left, leaving him alone with Kamui.  
  
“Actually, I’m glad to find you here, Suzukaze. Wait, let me just—” Kamui took the two of the parcels off him.  
  
“Lady Kamui—”  
  
“It’s _fine_ , Suzukaze. What kind of lady would I be if I didn’t help my retainer when he was in trouble?” She grinned mischievously at the small jab.  
  
Saizou liked that look. She never showed him a playful smile or spoke teasing words, probably because she treaded carefully around him, unsure as to how much he would allow.  
  
“Thank you, milady.” If it was Kamui, he was sure she could get away with practically anything.  
  
“So I was just telling Silas I’m heading out of the astral plane tomorrow.”  
  
“ _Tomorrow?_ ” Kamui startled at his loud exclamation and Saizou quickly recovered from his mistake. “I am sorry, milady, it – took me by surprise. Is there a reason?”  
  
“Yes,” Kamui said, examining him for a moment before continuing. “I received a message from Hinoka about sightings of Vallites nearing one of the villages by the Canyon. She’s sent word out to Rinkah but wants reinforcements. There’s apparently a fair number of people with her so I’ll only take a small group. It shouldn't take longer than a day or two for us to fight and return.”  
  
“Will any of your siblings be joining you?” Saizou was quick to ask.  
  
“Camilla said she’s returning to Nohr to see how the others are doing. Leon’s staying – I think he can’t drag himself out of the records hall, there’s so much to research. I know Ryouma plans on leaving in a few days and he’d cut his stay short if I asked, but I rather he rest and spend time with Sakura – who knows when he’ll next take time off like this. I plan on leaving at dawn, if you could be ready.”  
  
Saizou knew it was expecting too much for them to return to normal before they were separated for some reason or another.  
  
“Yes, Lady Kamui. I will make sure to be prepared.”  
  
One or two days for him could be two or three weeks for Suzukaze, going by the rough calculation of two hours in real time equalling one day in the astral plane. Plus, if Lord Ryouma was also planning to leave … he would have to form a plan with Suzukaze.  
  
“Oh, milady,” he said, suddenly remembering his real purpose for being there. “Could I trouble you for another moment of your time?”  
  
“Is something on your mind?”  
  
“I have a matter I want to discuss,” he made himself start speaking, feeling oddly nervous. “It is regarding our unfinished conversation.”  
  
Kamui straightened herself and her face showed … a cross between anticipation and resolution, like she was about to face battle.  
  
“Of course, Suzukaze. Shall we go somewhere more private—?”  
  
“It will not take a moment, I do not wish to keep you from your schedule,” Saizou said and pushed on before she could protest. “First, I would like to apologise for the delay in my reply, I wanted to give the matter serious thought. Please do not think it was because I objected to the notion – quite the opposite.”  
  
Not one to add variety to the way he spoke, Saizou had practiced aloud to use tone behind the right words. Kamui’s look was intense, eagerly watching his face. Saizou felt his face begin to heat under her gaze but he couldn’t look away – he didn’t _want_ to look away.  
  
“It brings me much joy to have heard your intentions. I am confident the outcome will be in your favour … but timing is crucial. If I may, I would like to be the one to advise you of the perfect opportunity for the most optimal result.”  
  
“Yes, Suzukaze, of course! I’m—” she took both hands and gripped them tightly, then just as quickly released them, casting glances around her. She turned back to him, her smile radiant. “I’m so happy to hear you say those words! I wasn’t sure I had a chance but with your support I can – no, I can’t get ahead of myself. I must remain calm until the time comes.”  
  
_Relations_ – that’s what his brother said. Could it be she found …? No, he would have noticed if she was fawning over someone, even more so if someone had their eyes on her. A way to improve her relationship with someone then. Maybe her Hoshidan siblings – his lord, perhaps? Saizou inwardly gave himself a nod. It would make sense as to why Suzukaze emphasised his lord’s safety.  
  
“I look forward to that day.” Saizou could tell she was trying to be calm but she emitted enthusiasm.  
  
“I also ask that we refrain from talking on the subject as much as possible. As a precaution.”  
  
Kamui nodded. “Yes, of course, I completely understand. Suzukaze, I can’t thank you enough.”  
  
Saizou was juggling various emotions but he eventually managed a smile. “Please, Lady Kamui. It’s truly my pleasure.”  
  
“Okay, I think I’d better go and find Joker. Oh—” She looked at the parcels she was holding. “I’ll leave these in my room for you to collect later.”  
  
Kamui waved and ran off before Saizou could say anything. Her steps were incredibly light.  
  
“Roses are all very well,” he heard a voice say and turned to its speaker, “but you don’t seem like a man who expresses his feelings directly.”  
  
“Sorry?” he asked the old woman tending the stall.  
  
“You’ll be wanting carnations and chrysanthemums – red, naturally – a sprinkling of baby’s breath,” she said matter-of-factly, “and … _yes—_ ” Her eyes lit up. “A layer of yellow iris hidden underneath.”  
  
“What are you on about?” Saizou had forgotten he was his brother.  
  
The old woman’s excitement disappeared with the look of scorn she threw him, same to the one he received yesterday. “Not ready to admit it I see – well, I’ll make sure to set them aside for when you are.”  
  
The old lady busied herself with the boxes stacked behind the stall, muttering to herself about ‘stunted passions of youth these days’ and left Saizou frowning until he remembered the urgent message that needed delivering.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze could see his brother whip ahead, dodging from tree to tree – fast, but nowhere near as fast as he could be. His brother was being too cautious, too unused to controlling his new body, and Suzukaze could catch up to him without strain. If he was in his own body now, the average person would not even register him sweep past their eyes, and his brother would be pushed to keep him in his sights.  
  
But then, his brother was not the only one having difficulties; each shuriken Suzukaze sent flying sliced leaves and hit barks but fell too short of his real target in green and aubergine.  
  
“More strength, Suzukaze!” his brother called.  
  
Earlier, the first test shuriken left his hand so quickly, Suzukaze failed to notice that he had released it until his target spat splinters; he really had to wrestle with the embedded metal to set it loose. He was awed at the excessive power his brother’s body contained and how little was needed to cause real damage. This only made him all the more wary, afraid to throw hard in case his weapons dug too deeply – and fatally – into his own skin currently worn by his brother.  
  
Not to mention the psychological obstacle of actually assaulting his own body. He was unwilling to hurt his brother and he hesitated to attack himself. It was no wonder he kept missing.  
  
Suzukaze's reflexes were not fast enough as his brother kicked off a tree and twisted mid-air, filling the forest air with his roar as he put his whole energy into throwing his shuriken.  
  
A cry pierced the air.  
  
It came from his brother – no, _him_ , he realised – pain bursting through skin and flooding his arm. He stumbled back, staring at the weapon standing firm, buried deep in his muscles. With forced even breaths, he yanked the metal out in one swift and clean motion, biting down another cry.  
  
Blood leaked onto his sleeve, invisible against black.  
  
“Brother, you’re using too much strength,” he said through his teeth, holding out the weapon to his approaching brother. “You’re going to hurt yourself this way.”  
  
His brother came forward pulling out a healing potion from his clothes. “ _I_ am? _You’re_ the one weeping blood.”  
  
Suzukaze untied the knot hidden under his scarf to loosen his sleeves and carefully stripped out of it to let his brother apply the ointment; the pain started to ease almost immediately with the cool salve.  
  
“What if you need to fight while I’m gone?” his brother continued. “What if Lord Ryouma’s life depends on your blade – and you miss? Trust my body more, Suzukaze.”  
  
Suzukaze knew his brother’s body retained memories of all the fights accumulated throughout his life. They were so used to each other’s moves they could fight blindfolded but when it came down to fighting as each other – and in each other’s bodies at that – the mind issued orders refusing to acknowledge the body’s unfamiliar moves, and the body rejected to move as commanded when the orders were so foreign.  
  
“Let’s take a break,” his brother suggested, resting his hand on Suzukaze’s shoulder (of the arm free of the wound) and squeezing gently – an apology and praise for effort. It felt familiar yet not, when his grip lacked its usual firmness.  
  
“I never realised how much power you hold,” Suzukaze started to say when they sat down, flexing his fingers. “It’s incredible, brother, I’ve never felt so … dangerous.”  
  
“That’s what comes of losing an eye,” his brother muttered, untying the bottle gourd strapped to his waist and taking a swig before offering. “You’re dangerous in your own way. The ability to approach an enemy at your speed – they wouldn’t know what hit them until a second before death.”  
  
“Speed and agility can only go so far,” Suzukaze said and took the container from his brother.  
  
“We all have our shortcomings. You’ll need to close the distance to really hone your accuracy, otherwise throw with everything you’ve got. You won’t hurt yourself, my body can take it. And stop hesitating, it’s not like you’ll do me lasting damage.”  
  
“I do not want to kill you, brother,” Suzukaze said his concern out loud.  
  
“It won’t matter, I’ll be too fast for you to hit,” his brother said, face blank, but Suzukaze knew a challenge when he heard one.  
  
“That is bold of you to say, brother. From your moves just now I am not convinced you can currently outrun me.” Suzukaze smiled into the bottle as he took a sip.  
  
“Tsk. Doubting your speed _and_ your brother, you’ll get twice the beating for that.”  
  
Banter was a pleasant relief but it did little to calm his nerves. Suzukaze turned the gourd round in his hands, its polished wood smooth and cooling to touch.  
  
“Would it be best to come and search for you once I return to Hoshido with Lord Ryouma?”  
  
“No, remain with him.” His brother’s steady voice helped steady Suzukaze’s mind. “I’ll think of an excuse to go to you once I return.”  
  
If anything happened within the few days his brother was gone, Suzukaze would be alone and without guidance. He had not felt so discomposed over a mission since he was a teen.  
  
“… I understand.”  
  
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen myself look so worried, Suzukaze. You’ll do fine.” Suzukaze looked up and wished the softened look of support was on his brother’s face rather than his own.  
  
“… Do you think I look more worried than that time you hid yourself in the closet?” Suzukaze asked, trying to keep their conversation light.  
  
“I was _seven_ ,” his brother said, narrowing his eyes.  
  
Suzukaze remembered searching all over the palace until he heard soft sobs coming from inside a closet of one of the guest rooms. When he slid the door open, he found his brother curled up in the darkness with tears streaming down his face. He later heard the reason to be Orochi’s divination that had forced his brother into hiding.  
  
He managed a shaky laugh at the memory.  
  
“Obviously I didn’t throw that shuriken hard enough if you can laugh,” his brother growled, but it lacked real emotion.  
  
Suzukaze looked at the wound, still fresh but healing, gradually becoming less painful when he moved his arm. “I think I am able to throw. Another round, brother?”  
  
His brother pushed himself up and held out his hand for Suzukaze to take.  
  
“Come then.”  



	6. Chapter 6

The path that snaked from the bottomless canyon towards Hoshido was paved with jagged rocks and sandwiched between towering walls, the tops of which blurred with the blackened clouds growling overhead. They were taking a longer route to their destination, after Kamui decided to play it safe rather than appear in the midst of their enemies.  
  
It was probably a figment of imagination, the real world feeling different from the astral realm, but Saizou always felt the degree of warmth or cold to be that much sharper, the air that much heavier when he returned to (what he firmly maintained as) reality. It was similar to the sensation of breathing in the scent of the village he grew up in or the palace he never failed to return to (so far) after an extended period of time.  
  
They had walked for half an hour since leaving but several hours would have already passed for Suzukaze. Always prepared for the worst, Saizou’s mind continued to draw up scenarios that would be waiting to greet him upon his return. Suzukaze being found out by his lord. Nyx telling him that there was no cure. Some sort of life-threatening side effect that specifically appeared after several weeks.  
  
Saizou shook himself out of those thoughts. The only thing he and Suzukaze could do was continue to pass off as each other and hope for the best.  
  
Kamui walked several metres ahead, talking in quiet murmurs to Joker who seemed to be glancing back occasionally to check up on him. Saizou tried not to glower. His hostility towards the butler over the days heightened than lessened, the two-faced domestic always hovering over Kamui like he was haunting her than acting as her guard. It grated him. Immensely.  
  
“Suzukaze!”  
  
Saizou turned his head, slowing his steps to allow Silas to catch up on his horse; the man had stopped a couple of hundred meters back when his horse took interest in feeding on a patch of feeble-looking grass. Not wanting to slow the band down, Silas told him to continue on ahead without telling Kamui.  
  
_“The friendship Silas and I share have strengthened due to the fact we are so often by Lady Kamui’s side. We work well in battle and he is extremely reliable, with an acute sense for spotting surprise attacks and calculating enemy strategies. He also enjoys making conversation on matters that may be more personal than you are used to – please do not think he is prying, he genuinely takes an interest in the lives of other people and wishes to deepen his relationships.”  
_  
“You look like you’ve got something on your mind,” Silas said, jumping off his mare and leading her instead of burdening her with his weight.  
  
Saizou was aware of Silas’ itch to solve people’s problems (just like Suzukaze, which is probably why they got on so well.) He came to interact more with the cavalier after the festival of bonds, though he was still prickly about being compared to the Faceless (something about the Faceless being scary on the outside but decent on the inside – “looks-wise you’re pretty scary, but really, you care a lot about others, don’t you?” Silas had commented casually, _as though people mistook Saizou the fifth to be one of them_.) After that, Silas didn’t hesitate to ask him to train or eat or go on watch together, and ignored all his quick-spoken rejections. By some mysterious force, Saizou always took the man up on his offers ( _in_ _exactly the same way as with Kamui_ , he concluded, which explained why the two were best friends.)  
  
Silas’ personality resembled Suzukaze’s and Kamui’s enough for Saizou to permit his company.  
  
“I was thinking of home,” Saizou concealed his earlier thoughts with an answer that came out more sentimental than he intended.  
  
Silas smiled knowingly. “Ah, I know what you mean. Something about the astral realm doesn’t seem quite right, does it? I could do with making a trip back to Nohr. I like Hoshido for its lush plains but somehow it just doesn't sit right. How about you, won’t you return to your village anytime soon?”  
  
“Perhaps.” His reply was too short. “Maybe Lady Kamui will allow a day or two of leave one of these days,” he added. It was difficult for him to leave for long periods for personal use when he could be contributing to the war effort, but his conversation with Suzukaze the other day had left nostalgia hanging. He knew his lord would answer an instant yes to his request, almost urge him to go right away, but his sense of obligation for his services to always be available held him back.  
  
“I’m sure she would, it’s your home after all.”  
  
Saizou looked ahead at Kamui who was nodding and listening to Joker speak. There wasn’t a strong yearning to up and leave for his village any time soon, not when he was surrounded by people close to him – his leaders and friends, and his brother – those he already called home. This detail, no matter how much he sounded like Suzukaze, he kept from revealing.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze, on the eve of the first day apart from his twin, headed towards the mess hall. He carried out his day watching over Lord Ryouma, who spent the morning with Lady Sakura and afternoon training with Kazahana, followed by a brief respite at the small lake, relieving the villager on guard to watch over the fish so he could worry over his brother. He thought of all the scenarios that his brother would bring back with him upon his return. Joker taunting his brother enough to make him snap and seriously cripple the butler. Lady Kamui uncovering their guise. Being informed that they were both dismissed as retainer for their impudence.  
  
His stomach then interrupted his gloomy thoughts; he had forgotten to eat all day and scolded himself for not attending to the needs of his body more carefully, particularly as his body was not his.  
  
He entered the mess hall and saw before him the epitome of perfection – appearance impeccable, food layout immaculate, table manners exemplary.  
  
_“I acknowledge Tsubaki’s strength and respect him for his attitude towards the tasks he undertakes, regardless how small. It’s beyond me though why he doesn’t see his overly casual way of speaking as a flaw. We match each other well in training – I suppose you’re aware of the ‘no training without strict supervision when using real weapons’ rule set in place, not that I understand it when the training I do with you is worse. We’re on good terms, but don’t go revealing facts about me.”  
  
_ Suzukaze decided on a plain meal, rice and miso, before heading towards the space opposite the sky knight.  
  
“Ah, Saizou, I haven’t seen you in a while,” Tsubaki said airily as Suzukaze slipped into his seat. He was amused at how perfectly Tsubaki ignored the fact that they hadn’t met due to his bedridden state.  
  
“I think it’s me who hasn’t seen you,” Suzukaze said, smiling into his mask; he ironed it out into a neutral line before taking off his mask and starting to eat.  
  
Tsubaki laughed uneasily. “Were you concerned over my welfare?”  
  
His brother was not one to admit his feelings to anyone so Suzukaze concentrated on his food, deciding to use a phrase his brother so often used. “I’m concerned about the effect you might have on others by not being able to properly fight.” Suzukaze glanced up but Tsubaki was not offended, more mildly amused.  
  
“It’s pointless trying to hide it, Saizou, I know you were concerned. Don’t worry, I won’t ruin your image by telling anyone.”  
  
Tsubaki was far closer to his brother than Suzukaze originally thought if he could guess his brother’s thoughts and not be put off by the cold remarks.  
  
“Anyway, how is it you were the one worse off that evening, yet I was the one who suffered from the cold?” Tsubaki continued.  
  
The remedy his brother had offered was one useful not only for hangovers but also for other simple ailments such as colds and fevers, so whatever after-effect he should have had would have been erased. The medicine took long to prepare with some hard to find ingredients but his brother always had a batch for emergencies.  
  
“We have our own cure. Next time I’ll give you the recipe,” Suzukaze said, knowing Tsubaki was quite skilled at recognising herbs and making simple remedies of his own.  
  
“I’d like that, though I’m inclined not to go drinking for a while, even though it was a … _unique_ experience in getting to know everyone. Your brother also. He’s an interesting man.”  
  
“Because of his imitations of me?”  
  
“Now that you mention it, that _was_ entertaining to watch, but no. Actually, we were chatting together after everyone disappeared – I think you and Rinkah had gone outside and Zero went to convince the owner to share some of his most prized sake. Suzukaze started talking about you.”  
  
“About my – about me?”  
  
Tsubaki hummed in agreement, chewing his food. Should Suzukaze count the number of times he chewed, he was certain it would always be exactly the same. He waited by eating his own rice.  
  
“I automatically assumed that with you being twins you were close, but he said you were often so far out of reach it felt like you were ahead of him by years than minutes.”  
  
Suzukaze looked up to Tsubaki’s eyes searching his face, then the man gave himself a nod. “I suppose those lines of yours do make you look older.”  
  
“I don’t think that’s what he meant,” Suzukaze was quick to reply.  
  
Tsubaki gave him a sharp look. “I know exactly what he meant, Saizou. You pile on so much work, it’s no wonder your brother feels he’s left behind.”  
  
Suzukaze picked up the other bowl, swirling the soup with his chopsticks and moving the seaweed around without lifting it to his lips. What Tsubaki said was nothing new. Perhaps not information he readily revealed to others, but it was a topic he thought upon often.  
  
There were certain occasions where Suzukaze felt their ages reversed because of the way his brother was quick to emotion and Suzukaze was the one to soothe him back to calm, but this was generally for personal matters, such as times his brother became bashful when people figured out his kind deeds. All other times, his brother was the leader of the ninjas, a retainer to the most important figure of Hoshido, and for every responsibility he had been given, he had grown into his role much faster; faster than him, the second born who, no matter how much he tried, would never be able to match his skills and spent so much of his early years wandering instead of assigning himself someone to serve. The growing gap seemed impossible to fill the more he thought on it.  
  
“Although I don’t know how he thinks he’d relieve you of your title,” Tsubaki said with a laugh. “It’s not like you can play catch with it.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Oh, something about wanting to shoulder more of your burdens. I don’t think he means to take over your role, just … maybe give you a break every now and then. I can understand where he’s coming from, _everyone_ knows you overwork yourself.”  
  
Suzukaze looked back down at the soup, pondering over the exact phrasing he might have used.  
  
“Don’t frown so hard, Saizou. He didn’t mean anything by it,” Tsubaki tried to assure him, presuming that the frown was for the possibility of Suzukaze trying to steal his title.  
  
Suzukaze hummed in reply, which came out as a deep grunt. “I suppose you’re right,” he said and finally drank his soup.  
  
“It wouldn’t hurt to think on it. Who knows, even you might learn a thing or two without the constant pressure.” Tsubaki stacked his plates in order of size and stood. “We should have another duel soon, I feel my muscles stiffened after spending days cooped up inside. I need the weight of real weapons and an opponent who won’t hold back.”  
  
“If Lord Ryouma or Lady Sakura permits,” Suzukaze reminded him. Tsubaki laughed and bid him goodbye, leaving him to his meal.  
  
Suzukaze continued to eat, obtaining another detail of that night. Whether it was one he wanted to share was a different matter entirely.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Saizou took a conscious bite out of his ball of rice (careful not to wolf down the food as was his habit on the road) watching Kamui sitting next to him trace her fingers along the map. They were out of the rocks, and the spindly sticks of charcoal that passed off as trees in the area were beginning to grow more alive the more they neared the plains.  
  
“It should be around here somewhere,” Kamui said, leaning back to get a better overview of the map.  
  
“Allow me to scout ahead. Silas’ horse would not be able to travel fast on this surface and I believe I am more familiar with the area than Joker.”  
  
_Because he spends so much time indoors making_ tea _._  
  
It was a petty dig, but it lifted his spirits a little.  
  
“I can secure a safe route for us to pass,” Saizou continued when he saw the expression on her face disagree with his idea.  
  
“I’d be much less anxious if we were all together. We’re not sure of enemy numbers and if we’re all heading in the same direction, there’s a chance we could run into them along the way.”  
  
“Do you not trust me to return?”  
  
Kamui looked up. “Of course I do! But I’d prefer it if you didn’t disappear out of my sight.”  
  
Saizou was aware of Kamui’s reluctance to let Suzukaze disappear from her, which stemmed from hearing Suzukaze’s account of his failure during her capture and also from noticing the reckless way Suzukaze put himself in danger for her sake. His scouting missions became almost nonexistent and he was always placed in formations close enough for her to keep an eye on him. It took several talks and some monitoring on Saizou’s part to reform their unhealthy relationship; for Kamui to release her iron hold over her retainer and allow him to do his work than feel responsible for being the cause of his shame, and for Suzukaze to acknowledge the weight of his own life and recognise the difference between tossing it away as penance for a mistake long past and offering it as trade to protect the endangered life of his lady. Small steps and a generous helping of time were necessary but Saizou noticed improvement, their relationship now based less on guilt and more on respect for each other and themselves.  
  
Here, it didn’t sound like she was clinging onto him, merely being overly cautious.  
  
“If I were to scout ahead within your sight?”  
  
He could see her think on that suggestion and grinned into the rice as he took another bite when she gave a slow nod. “That I can accept.”  
  
They set off after the small break and continued on down their path, Saizou keeping his senses alert for the smallest of sounds as he skittered ahead. He could perceive movement, though not large enough to raise warning signals in him. He made his way back.  
  
“It’s safe for us to continue on ahead.”  
  
Kamui led, Saizou kept close to her side, and Joker and Silas trailed behind while in some kind of hissing match. He was certain his brother’s name cropped up in their conversation (and more worryingly, his own) but they kept enough of a distance to be out of earshot. It was likely Joker who was instigator, Silas not one to initiate confrontations, and he could sense Joker’s words had Silas unusually riled.  
  
He heard scraping up ahead and brought his arm before Kamui to force her to a stop, the others took his cue and fell silent. His slipped his hand between his clothes, lightly fingering the flat metal of his shuriken.  
  
“Is someone there …?”  
  
Saizou frowned at the faint call and shared a look with Kamui who was also looking alerted, and slightly suspicious of the familiar voice and choice of words.  
  
“Down here …”  
  
Saizou took the first steps, creeping forward without a sound and just stopped short of falling into the sudden drop in the ground which had been invisible against the trick of the shadows on the floor. He peered over the edge.  
  
“Ah, Suzukaze … you’ve come to my rescue …”  
  
“… I am not sure what is more surprising, finding you when we need you most or someone thinking it necessary to dig a hole in a ground this hard.”  
  
“Thank you for the compliment …”  
  
Had he been himself he would have barked that it wasn’t one, but he wasn’t himself, so he kept his mouth shut. He heard the others approach and also look into the hole to visually confirm that it was indeed Setsuna in her standard position of sitting at the bottom of a trap.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze peered cautiously into the room; the door creaked open by itself when he had spent several minutes standing before it debating with himself. He came by to help Nyx but was reluctant to knock because of his ulterior motive for paying her a visit.  
  
“I know you’re out there,” Nyx called from inside. “You may be a ninja but even their silence can trigger the magic I’ve weaved outside this door.”  
  
Suzukaze let himself in, finding Nyx sitting on the comfortable armchair and turned to find the door already closing behind him.  
  
“I haven’t found anything useful, if that’s what you’ve come to ask,” she told him flatly, her eyes not leaving the large book opened in her lap.  
  
“I wondered if I could help you search through your books,” Suzukaze said. It was nice to have someone to talk to without having to act. Nyx’s attention latched onto him as she scanned him several times over before lifting the book off her lap.  
  
He wondered if she sensed he wanted company.  
  
Suzukaze took his usual seat on the wooden chair in the corner while Nyx ran her finger across the spines of her books until she stopped at one and tugged.  
  
“You can start with this.”  
  
Suzukaze reached out to take the book from her, a medium sized leather book that was an inch thick, and opened the cover, seeing the page decorated with an elaborate border of black and gold, which continued on the following pages as he skimmed through the table of contents. It was a whole book dedicated to various transformations.  
  
“It’s the second day, isn’t it?”  
  
Suzukaze lifted his head to find Nyx watching him.  
  
“Since your brother left,” she clarified. “I hear you’ll also be leaving in a few days.”  
  
“Yes … with all of us separated this may cause some inconvenience …”  
  
“Distance won’t affect the magic,” she said curtly.  
  
He turned his attention to the book, turning the page over onto a map of Hoshido and Nohr, tiny inscriptions of cities scattered all over. Nyx’ room was always a comfort to be in and he would ask to come in to read, sometimes letting his mind wander away from the pages. Today, his mind revisited the conversation with Tsubaki from the previous night.  
  
It never occurred for Suzukaze to take the title from his brother, or if it had, it was in his subconscious. As Tsubaki said, it would be impossible, as the title of Saizou belonged to the firstborn, and the firstborn alone. It wasn't that he was envious and he most definitely did not despise their order of birth; he was simply concerned that his brother was taking too much on when the pressure could be alleviated – if his brother stopped being so hard on himself. Suzukaze lacked persuasion to demand his brother share, always treading carefully lest he overstepped. Still, it frustrated him that he lacked the power, and even confidence, to do anything.  
  
His thumb suddenly slipped from gripping the book too tightly, relocating the Hoshidan capital to be adjacent to the bottomless canyon, the pages creating pop-up mountains that would be impossible to cross had they actually existed.  
  
Suzukaze was horrified at the surge of power unleashed to ruin her book.  
  
“Nyx, I am so sorry—”  
  
“You seem irritated,” she said, her tone slicing his sentence cleanly off. “Almost like your brother.”  
  
Suzukaze stared at his brother’s hand. His own emotions had triggered the reaction in his brother’s body.  
  
“This body retains memories that are not my own. It was the same when we trained – it would not move as I willed it to move.”  
  
A large thump brought his attention onto Nyx, who had closed the book and placed it onto her bed; she was up and searching her shelf again.  
  
“If you retain physical memories, it could suggest a swap between souls or spirits. Had it been a change in appearance, your current body would obey your order.” Nyx brought down a much smaller book and started to flip its pages. “It narrows down our search at least, though we shouldn’t be hasty.”  
  
“Could there be something by the time both of us return to you?” Suzukaze expressed his hope aloud.  
  
Nyx’ response was less confident but not unkind. “There could be something, yes,” she assured softly, like a mother would out of pity so as not to shatter the dreams of her child. “I’ll continue working from here until I find something.”  
  
Suzukaze opened his mouth to be awarded a glare. “If you thank me or say sorry one more time I’m going to take away your ability to speak.”  
  
He raised his eyebrows in surprise; he heard the rumours of Nyx casting a similar spell onto Zero and swallowed all words resembling gratitude and apology down.  
  
“I understand very clearly.”  
  
“However, if you do feel like you need to talk, you know where I am,” Nyx said as an aside.  
  
Suzukaze automatically opened his mouth only to force it closed, returning to the book and straightening out the map as best he could before turning the page and continuing on in search of a passage he could use.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Saizou sipped water as his eyes darted over the circles drawn to resemble camp and estimate positions of their enemies. They would have to move quickly if they were to close in on the enemy.  
  
With Setsuna leading them back to the location of camp, their journey was cut shorter than predicted, arriving to Lady Hinoka greeting and ushering them inside one of the tents for a break.  
  
“You’re late,” he heard a voice he recognised say from behind. “Have your senses dulled from relaxing too long in the astral realms?”  
  
_“I am sure you are aware of the incident in Nohr where Rinkah and I first worked together. Perhaps it was our lack of trust that drew us to that fate, however we have no problems working together now, especially as she has warmed to my presence. It is possible Lady Kamui will pair us together, and if so, you may be relieved to know she is one of the few people I battle with in a similar manner as I do you. This should help you somewhat to concentrate on the fight rather than my reaction.”  
  
_ “Rinkah, it’s good to see you,” he greeted. She clapped him on the back which jostled some of the liquid out of his cup. Saizou’s relationship with Rinkah was as strong as her arm – though more to do with their passion for fighting than Suzukaze’s reason of throwing sweets for her to constantly chomp on.  
  
“Now that everyone’s here,” Lady Hinoka said, walking into the tent, “we can discuss this battle. I don’t want to rush but one of our scouts returned saying that the village is within sight of the enemy.”  
  
Lady Hinoka smoothed out the map onto the small table and they all crowded round. “We’re here” – she pointed to a small circle to the south west of the village. “Their forces have split into what looks like two groups around the west and two or three rounding south, separating further the nearer they get. Taking them down while their grouping’s slack but before rogues can break free might be our best option.”  
  
Kamui nodded, pointing to the map. “Hinoka, Setsuna and Asama can lead two troops this way,” Kamui said, pointing to the south of the village. “Joker can go with them. I’ll lead these two here with Suzukaze, Rinkah and Silas.”  
  
“Lady Kamui, are you sure you will be fine by yourself?” Joker stepped forward, always one to ask questions whenever he was to be parted from his Lady. It irked Saizou how the butler made it sound like they were incapable of protecting her.  
  
Saizou stepped forward also, and when Joker’s eyes met his, he grit his teeth to block the ‘she won’t _be_ by herself’ that was ready on his tongue.  
  
He momentarily wrestled with his temper. “We will be sure to protect her,” he finally said, keeping his comments neutral.  
  
“I appreciate your concern,” Kamui spoke to Joker, “but I wanted to pair you with Setsuna. You’re exceptionally good at leading her away from traps and the most capable out of all of us.”  
  
“Paired with Joker, yay … I look forward to you saving me …” Setsuna said from behind Lady Hinoka.  
  
“I-I suppose I can lead you,” Joker sighed, torn between looking pleased with his praise and annoyed at having to babysit Setsuna.  
  
“I agree with Kamui, you two would be best paired together and it would bring me some peace of mind,” Lady Hinoka said. “Okay, prepare yourselves, we’ll move out in ten.”  
  
Compared to when Saizou first met Kamui, who had basic training and no strategy whatsoever, she had come a long way, commanding troops with ease and making quick decisions. Her ideals were similar to Kagerou’s – unwilling to make sacrifices for the greater good and stubborn about keeping it that way. While he would always fight against Kagerou’s decisions, he could somehow see reason behind Kamui’s. If she were to lose that aspect of herself … he didn’t want the war to harden her spirit, as it did his.  
  
_Maybe I should make a note later,_ he thought. It had been a while since he had last written an account, what with all the hassle of their switch and—  
  
“Gods damn it!” he muttered under his breath as realisation struck, and quickly looked aside when Rinkah turned her head.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
It was on night three that Suzukaze stood unmoving in the changing rooms, staring down at the small book in his hand.  
  
He was undressing to enter the hot springs, Nishiki scrambling for his clothes beside him after remembering he was in charge of the armoury, when a bushy tail whacked him in the side, dislodging the tunic he had finished folding out of his hands.  
  
“I’m sorry! I’ll make it up to you!” the fox cried as he rushed out.  
  
As Suzukaze was picking up his clothing, he found the book. He checked the inner pockets of his tunic and found one that would house the book snugly without it coming loose. Not once had he noticed it was there (because his brother’s body was so used to the feel of its constant presence …?)  
  
_Surveillance Notes – Kamui.  
_  
It pained Suzukaze to think his brother was still keeping tabs on Lady Kamui even though he expressly said he would cease. He flicked through the pages, the book almost completely filled with characters joined and scrawled in sharp flicks and rigid angles, vertical lines filling each page from top to bottom, side to side.  
  
He returned to the cover to stare some more.  
  
Suzukaze knew this book was personal to his brother. At the same time – as Lady Kamui’s retainer – it was in his right to know the contents stored inside.  
  
He slipped the book underneath his clothes, telling himself he would think over what to do in the hot water even though he had already made up his mind.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
“ _Where did this rain come from?_ ” Rinkah shouted to Saizou, slamming the butt of her handle into a swordsman and attempting to finish him off with a large swing. The swordsman jumped back; one, two shurikens suddenly adorned his neck, jutting from his jugular, sending him stumbling further backwards down to the ground.  
  
“Stealing my prey?” Rinkah called as she came up to Saizou, hair flattened, skin soaked, clothes drenched from the sudden squall no one noticed coming until the overhead clouds spilled over them a downpour. If she was cold, she wasn’t showing it.  
  
“What do you mean,” Saizou said loudly with a small grin, feeling – and probably looking – equally sodden. “You looked in need of assistance … one might assume the rain is dampening your fire.”  
  
At least here, within the confines of battle, he and his brother’s reactions were similar. He had probably been the one to influence Suzukaze, who wasn’t completely free of cockiness when they trained or battled together. Impossible to remain wholly polite when impaling enemies, Suzukaze’s nature became more parallel to Saizou’s, particularly around those he trusted. It went without saying Rinkah fell under that grouping.  
  
“Oh, I see how it is, insulting the future chief of the Flame Tribe because of a little rain.” She pointed her axe at him. “I’m onto you, ninja.”  
  
An arrow struck her axe, dislodging it out of her hand; the archer was already loading his second arrow when Saizou turned. He darted ahead, kunai in hand, approaching head on and dodging an arrow that narrowly missed his side. With his acquired speed, he reached the attacker while he was fumbling with his third arrow and lunged at him to thrust the blade into his gut.  
  
The mud embraced another dead.  
  
“Thanks,” he heard Rinkah say as she ran up to him. “Have you been taking pointers from your brother?”  
  
“You noticed?” Saizou asked, trying to sound casual. He pulled the weapon out of the body and wiped it onto his tunic, inwardly groaning at forgetting he was his brother as he watched red stain green. He hated having people see blood on his clothes. Why Suzukaze couldn’t have a purple tunic and a green scarf … the sheer number of clothes he must go through, either to clean or replace.  
  
“Saizou’s the only ninja I’ve seen who charges headfirst into enemy range.” Rinkah continued. “I don’t know if he’s gutsy or stupid.”  
  
“That’s what you think of me, huh,” Saizou murmured in quiet amusement, the falling rain soaking up his answer. “We should find Silas,” he said a little more audibly.  
  
“I think he headed closer to the village with Kamui.”  
  
Saizou eyed the houses in the distance maybe ten minutes away, then at the skies; the rain would soon pass but they were already nearing half-light. He hoped their fight would end before night surrounded them completely.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze looked up, the page he was on suddenly succumbed into semidarkness; his light had flickered out. It was still dim outside but he could hear birds waking each other with sleepy chirps, during the time between dark and dawn.  
  
He had spent the whole night reading.  
  
It was nothing to do with him being a slow reader; after passing the one-third mark, he found himself stopping after each recorded event to contemplate on the meaning of what he had read and to recall the event if he had been there in person.  
  
All starting records were as he predicted – his brother reading every minute behaviour and action of Lady Kamui’s as suspicious with countless possibilities on how she could harm Lord Ryouma (they were so imaginative, Suzukaze felt like he should be the one taking down notes.)  
  
At some point, the writings began to shape into harshly worded concerns – her lack of sleep the probable cause of her fatigue, straining herself to practice even with unhealed injuries, how she was expecting to lead others when she could hardly look after herself (most would have been valid points had his brother himself not been the cause.)  
  
These records merged into detailed descriptions of Lady Kamui herself – subtle differences in her laughs and smiles, and the warmth of her hands; her compassionate and generous personality, and her willingness to put others before self; all manner of communications and gestures that had been directed solely to him (all refuting one of Suzukaze’s beliefs that his brother was ignorant of his own feelings towards Lady Kamui.)  
  
Eventually these writing revealed his brother’s own thoughts – how he wished to spend more than a few minutes of conversation with her and the way he was drawn into the depth of her eyes. The warmth he felt in receiving her thanks and the pride in watching her skills improve. His last entry was dated a few weeks ago, where he described the emptiness inside when they had to part for their respective missions.  
  
Suzukaze read the final passage again and closed the book. He drew in a deep breath, released it slowly, as he usually did through the satisfaction of devouring the contents of books, but the details of the sacred book his brother continued to carry around weighted his heart heavily, as he had begun unprepared to read the feelings his brother had been concealing – and still continued to conceal.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Cleared of rain, Silas’ lance cut easily through the air and struck the sorcerer’s tome – and into the sorcerer herself. Saizou lowered his unused weapon, rolling his right shoulder a few times to try and rid the growing ache that was spreading. Maybe he should have heeded Suzukaze’s warning instead of thinking he was immune to pain.  
  
“That’s the last of them here,” Rinkah said, putting down her axe. “We should rejoin with the others.”  
  
Saizou picked up and cleaned his own weapons, slipping them back into his outfit. Everything below his knees was caked in mud, his tunic in rain-soaked blood. At least the clouds had moved on so someone else could enjoy its lavish attention, but with its departure came a cold breeze that slipped through every gap in his clothes to chill his body. _Must be careful tonight_ , Saizou warned himself.  
  
“Where’s Kamui gone?” Silas asked, circling on his horse and splattering mud around him. “She was here a moment ago.”  
  
Kamui wandering off by herself was exactly what they needed. Saizou guessed she most likely went to check for Vallites inside the village and to warn villagers to stay indoors as a precaution.  
  
“Silas, will you lead the others back to camp and inform Lady Hinoka that we will rejoin shortly – Rinkah and I will go in search for her.” Saizou said.  
  
“You’re heading into the village aren’t you?” Silas said, coming to the same conclusion. “Trust her to go off without a word.”  
  
“If Hinoka and her team fought just as well, then it shouldn’t be a problem. One or two stragglers at most,” Rinkah said, lifting her axe to rest it onto her shoulder. “Hopefully we won’t be back too long after nightfall.”  
  
“Hopefully you’ll all be back in one piece,” Silas muttered, then called at his horse to run.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Night between the fourth day and fifth witnessed an invasion attempt in the astral realm.  
  
With his shift ending, Suzukaze returned to his room but hesitated to enter, sensing something astir. The land was cloaked in a translucent sheet of white, where each step he took saw light flicker and play with shade. Restless, Suzukaze slunk along shadows to attempt catching those making the silent steps; visibly there was no one. After spending half an hour convincing himself of his paranoid state of mind, an alarm sounded.  
  
His first priority – Lord Ryouma. He dashed towards the lord’s quarters, rushing among slamming doors and fighters running and calling to rouse each other as they tried to form some sort of order in the sleep-addled chaos, all while the ringing resounded loudly throughout the town.  
  
“Lord Ryouma,” he called once outside of the lord’s room. The door slid open with a slam and Lord Ryouma stood with Raijintou in hand, dressed only in a kimono.  
  
“Saizou, head south.”  
  
“My lord, you are not appropriately dressed for battle—”  
  
“I can fight without armour but there are civilians who can’t and need your protection. _Go_ , Saizou. That’s an order.”  
  
Suzukaze hesitantly bowed and disappeared, making his way south. The light before him flickered and he looked above to find purple flames blotting the moon – knights in flight. They would have to be left for someone with a bow or flying steed. He focused to looking ahead, striking at the dotted purple flames from what he hoped was behind, as invisible to the enemy as they were to him.  
  
It was easy to follow his brother’s advice of advancing as close to the target as possible when shrouded in darkness. Suzukaze was beginning to understand the logic behind his brother’s strategies towards battle, largely due to the world made dimmer through his one eye.  
  
Or maybe, he was handing more control over to his brother’s body than to his own mind, adrenaline pumping and making him act on instinct than rational thought, without questioning his actions. He picked off the invaders, one by one, all the while shielding those needing protection and assisting struggling fighters. Not one thought passed through his mind while he was in motion.  
  
By daybreak, all flames were extinguished. The only alarm sounding was of that lingering as echoes inside Suzukaze’s ears, ringing in time to his pulsating veins. Suzukaze slumped against the nearest wall, catching his breath and forcing his body to steady as his mind regained its function. He had done it – the people he was ordered to guard were safe with little harm and he had succeeded in fighting as his brother.  
  
“ _Saizou._ ”  
  
Suzukaze straightened to Kagerou’s call. She ran to meet him but said nothing when she stood in front, almost looking hesitant to speak. His apprehension spiked.  
  
“What is it?”  
  
She finally spoke the dreaded words he had so desperately wanted to avoid hearing.  
  
“Saizou. Our lord has been injured.”


	7. Chapter 7

Light had almost been extinguished when Saizou and Rinkah stepped foot into the village, only a strip of rusting orange parting sky from ground. The air was saturated in fear as he walked among the buildings, no light escaping from the windows as villagers waited for the danger to pass. Kamui had done her work of making rounds to the houses.  
  
“You head that way,” Rinkah murmured, pointing her axe ahead. “I’ll take the right.”  
  
Saizou dashed to the nearest house and clambered up, legs heavier from carrying excess weight of water and hardening mud. Each step he made on the ground was a squelching sign to his position even he couldn’t mask – at least by taking the higher route he could remain silent and had a better view to spot the telltale purple. For several houses, he continued the cycle of creeping along the edge and jumping to the next, always scouring the ground.  
  
He picked up whispers. Crouching low he scanned the darkness, barely able to see outlines until his attention at what looked like someone standing outside of a door and he breathed easy.  
  
Kamui, speaking to one of the villagers.  
  
A flicker of purple flashed into view from the corner of his eye.  
  
_Kamui! “Watch out!”  
_  
A slam of the door, a clank and scrape of metal, a large splash.  
  
Saizou roared at the mercenary to draw its attention, tiles rattling dangerously as he bounded nearer, hurling one shuriken after another, all clinking off the shield. He pulled out a kunai and kicked himself into the air with another cry. The Vallite was prepared for an attack but not for him zigzagging off invisible footholds in the air – Saizou grinned at the upper hand, catching an opening and impaling the kunai into his neck, cleaving down a line as he landed on his feet, the Vallite landing on its back. Saizou glared, daring it to move.  
  
The flame flickered before engulfed in night.  
  
Content with the enemy’s death, he turned to Kamui sitting frozen on the floor.  
  
“Are you all right?” he asked, coming to kneel in front of her. When she made no sound or movement, he took her by the shoulder. _“Are you hurt?”_  
  
Kamui shook her head. “No … no, I’m fine. Thank you.”  
  
With one hand still resting protective on her shoulder, Saizou took her by the hand to assist her up. He immediately let go with a cry, her weight sending pain tearing through his nerves.  
  
“Suzukaze!”  
  
His shoulder was throbbing; he tried to shift it slightly and hissed at the second rush of fire. He must have torn a ligament or muscle, though adrenaline had been acting as a block until now.  
  
Saizou broke out into laughter, Kamui watching him as though he’d gone mad.  
  
Suzukaze had indeed been right about hurting himself.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
No words passed between Suzukaze and Kagerou in the several hours they waited outside Lord Ryouma’s room, while Lady Sakura had left and entered a number of times with different staffs and bandages. Though Suzukaze was desperate to know the condition of the lord, he refused to disturb the healer at work. The last time she entered the room was an hour ago and Suzukaze took this as an optimistic sign that the lord’s condition had stabilised.  
  
Suzukaze straightened at the low murmurs heard behind the paper doors, Kagerou also shifted beside him, and they were finally called inside. The lord was pushing himself up to sit as Suzukaze went to kneel by his futon. A quick scan was made but Lord Ryouma’s kimono hid the extent of damage.  
  
“P-please lie down!” Lady Sakura said, gripping her staff tightly, looking more ready to physically push him back down than cast another spell. “Y-you must rest!”  
  
“Sakura, I understand your concerns but I feel fine,” Lord Ryouma said. His voice was quiet but still maintained authority. “You have already healed most of the damage and – see, I’m able to move.”  
  
Lord Ryouma demonstrated his mobility by swinging his arm slowly, then winced, sucking in a sharp breath. Lady Sakura rushed to his side and gently brought his arm down, examining it in concern.  
  
“Y-your arm was broken and you sustained several d-deep wounds across your body. I-I have never seen you so injured.”  
  
Her voice shook. Suzukaze could see she was trying to bite back the tears that were beginning to well in her eyes. Lord Ryouma remained upright but made no more attempts to move.  
  
“All right, Sakura,” he said softly. “I’ll postpone the trip for a couple of days.”  
  
“ _A-a week_ ,” Lady Sakura said firmly, “at the very least. I-I will send Tsubaki to deliver the news to Takumi right away.”  
  
Lord Ryouma sighed with a smile. “Whatever my healer says.” He turned to Suzukaze and Kagerou. “Thank you for lending your strength. I think it’s best we keep an eye on the exits in case of a secondary attack.”  
  
“Lord Ryouma, as a precaution I would like to suggest one of us remain close by at all times,” Kagerou said.  
  
“B-but Kagerou, your injuries …”  
  
Suzukaze looked to Kagerou. “You were injured?”  
  
“A scratch,” Kagerou said, her hair hiding her face but he saw her body tense, on guard for a remark that would have come from his brother. Unknowing what his brother would say in this situation except perhaps a word on her carelessness, Suzukaze kept quiet.  
  
“Sakura?” Lord Ryouma asked for confirmation. Suzukaze also directed his attention to Lady Sakura, who looked visibly torn between giving practical advice as a healer and not wanting to prevent Kagerou from her duties. She refused to meet their eyes or offer her opinion.  
  
“I see. In that case, I cannot ask you to guard me, Kagerou, with the knowledge it may cause Sakura unease.” Kagerou bowed her head and Lord Ryouma turned to Suzukaze. “Additionally, it would unfair for you to take on the whole weight. I believe I heard the two of you discussing the new recruits requiring first-hand experience in guarding their high prince. This would be the perfect time to ease them into their rotation. Guard duty for a handful around the quarters and the rest around the borders should suffice.”  
  
“Lord Ryouma, are you certain that’s—” Suzukaze started to speak but Lord Ryouma raised his hand.  
  
“Please, Saizou. There’s not much trouble I can get into, not with Sakura here keeping close watch and I don’t doubt that the recruits are capable – they were trained by the best after all.”  
  
Suzukaze looked from Lord Ryouma to Lady Sakura, wanting to press his point but knowing it may cause them distress.  
  
Suzukaze bowed his head and meekly obeyed. “Yes, my lord.”  
  
The lord gave satisfied nod. “I’m glad that's sorted. If you don’t mind, I think I would like to rest a while.”  
  
Suzukaze and Kagerou bowed once as they stood and once more as they left the room, walking down the corridor.  
  
It brought Suzukaze small relief to know Lord Ryouma was awake and healing, but had he been faster he could have returned to the lord’s side. No, he should never have left in the first place. How would his brother react upon discovering what he had done? He had promised the lord’s safety and urged his brother to put his faith in him, and as a result he allowed those injuries.  
  
Was he destined to always repeat the same mistakes, unable to prevent his loved ones from harm?  
  
“Saizou.”  
  
He slowed his feet to a reluctant stop.  
  
Kagerou walked round to stand in his line of vision. “Saizou, I know the meaning of that look, you wore the same face when you discovered our lord’s injuries after the incident in Hoshido.”  
  
Suzukaze remembered; he was there as Lord Ryouma took the blows from the mysterious attacker, too preoccupied with guarding the dragon-turned princess to protect the prince. He felt the weight caused by his actions then as he did now, and twice fold for causing the same torment on his brother.  
  
“I told you then, and I will remind you now – you were following orders given by the prince. You are not at fault.”  
  
Words did little to comfort him. Her hand then rested on his shoulder; it was a small gesture, but appreciated, even as Suzukaze disappeared to leave her standing.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Saizou sat in seiza with his eyes closed in an act of meditation.  
  
He clenched his jaw for the second time as the rounded end of the staff prodded at his shoulder and refused to open his eyes or make a sound.  
  
“Dear me, tearing a ligament just by throwing a small piece of metal? You really are careless.”  
  
It was easier to handle this conversation when he didn’t have to see that smile. The monk’s words always fuelled his will to fight but today it did nothing except cause mild annoyance, curbing his desire enough not to take down the first person he saw, which would have been the so-called healer.  
  
“I’m not sure the injury’s serious enough to be deserving of a staff … perhaps having it heal naturally will make you attentive in future battles and appreciate the delicate nature of the human body.”  
  
Saizou forced his breathing into a slow, even pattern to minimise the effect of the poisonous words seeping into his system.  
  
“Asama, stop wasting time and heal Suzukaze,” Lady Hinoka entered the conversation. “Kamui’s looking pale and you’re not helping by detaining him.”  
  
Saizou opened his eyes at the mention of Kamui. “Is Lady Kamui unharmed?”  
  
Lady Hinoka walked up to him and gave him a nod.  
  
“She’ll be fine, it’s most likely shock. She said her guard was down – I know I experience the same when I spend too long in the astral realms.” She turned to her retainer. “ _Asama!_ ”  
  
“I suppose that’s an order?” Asama reconfirmed.  
  
“Yes! Why I have to keep ordering you to heal people …”  
  
Asama sighed. “Very well.” He waved his staff nonchalantly in Saizou’s general direction and suspiciously in one that missed his arm. There was a moment where nothing happened and Saizou really was ready to pounce on him when he felt the pain begin to dissolve.  
  
“Thank you,” Saizou managed to squeeze out as he stood.  
  
“You can thank Lady Hinoka’s kindness,” Asama said lightly, and pattered over to another victim of his barbed tongue and blithe therapy.  
  
“I don’t know what made me think to have him as my retainer,” Lady Hinoka muttered before following her retainer to make sure he continued to do his job.  
  
Saizou rolled his shoulder a few times. A twinge of pain remained, revealing that Asama healed him a few bars below full recovery. As long as he eased up on its movement it would heal soon enough. He was too spent – physically and mentally – to waste his time chasing down the monk and instead removed himself from the tent to go and fill up on food and rest.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze felt sluggish with accumulating fatigue; he had closed his eyes barely one out of the fifty-plus hours he had been awake. Holing himself inside his brother’s room amounted to nothing except self-reproach so he took to keeping an eye on the younger recruits during the day and conducting occasional checks on Lord Ryouma throughout the night. The lord had been restless but otherwise undisturbed by unwanted visitors, real or imagined.  
  
His mind was kept busy but not distracted enough to free him from the tightening grips of accusations which claimed his incapability. What if it had been Lady Kamui giving the orders to protect the town? Would he have willingly left her side or stubbornly refused and made sure she was out of harm’s way? Questions upon unanswered questions continued, one after another after another.  
  
_“What’s done is done,”_ the words spilt from his lips.  
  
His brother’s voice once again did the dirty trick to temporarily settle his mind’s turmoil, though it roused his disapproving conscience. He thought to accept Nyx’s offer of her lending an ear and headed in the direction of her room. Being in the presence of her company and wisdom was enough to have him gain perspective.  
  
Along the way, he saw Kagerou before the flower stand.  
  
She had shown him – his brother – support yesterday. It brought him comfort to know his brother was in good hands, and just how much of a pillar she was in his work life, offering her observations and advice.  
  
Regardless of whether or not his brother would thank her, he could not pass her by without saying something.  
  
“Kagerou,” he called.  
  
She disregarded him, deliberately or no.  
  
“What are you doing?” he asked as he came to stand next to her.  
  
Again nothing as she reached for stalks with leaves that twisted and twined unpredictably until she at last replied, “Selecting.”  
  
Suzukaze was unsure if that was her usual way of speaking to his brother or if she was too engrossed. He scanned his eyes over the variety of flowers.  
  
“What for?”  
  
“Our lord. I plan to arrange flowers for his viewing while he is restricted to the confines of his room.”  
  
Her artistic sense extended to flower arrangement. Suzukaze was determined to seek out the finished work at some point so he could see her style first hand.  
  
“Kagerou, about yesterday—”  
  
“Have you ceased blaming yourself?” Kagerou interrupted. “I will only remind you once. Seeking to repent for your own fulfilment invites only danger and sorrow. You still have the ability to see – don’t be blind to your surroundings.”  
  
Suzukaze blinked at the words he had heard before. They almost matched those spoken by his brother during one of his ending lectures on the apparent ‘destructive’ behaviour Suzukaze was displaying.  
  
The odds of those words returning to him again now …  
  
“You lifted the guilt that would have otherwise weighed on Lord Ryouma’s conscious had you not protected the lives of those people. He would have carried that throughout the remainder of his life.” Kagerou picked several of the budded sticks, examining their shape. “What you did was right by our lord.”  
  
Suzukaze did not know Kagerou to offer such sage advice, one that affected his brother to the point of borrowing and sharing with others. He felt fortunate to be strengthened by her words when they were most needed, and to know his brother retained those words himself.  
  
She reached for the dark purple orchids.  
  
“Thank you, Kagerou.”  
  
Her hand hovered over the flowers. She shifted her head slightly to his direction, as though eyeing him behind her fringe.  
  
“I think you are in need of rest. How long has it been since you slept?”  
  
It was the second time she refused his gratitude. What was it about his brother voicing his thanks that put Kagerou on high alert?  
  
“Too long, I suspect,” she answered herself. “I will not hesitate to inform our lord that you are neglecting your health.”  
  
“That won’t be necessary,” Suzukaze said and quickly parted. With his original plan no longer fitting his current state of mind, he decided to follow Kagerou’s advice of resting his eyes.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Being one of the last to enter camp, most of the fires had already been set up with food cooking, for which Saizou was grateful. He went to his tent first to rid himself of the dirtied clothes and wipe his body down quickly, ignoring the nipping cold; he had endured far worse in the winters when he had been left to fend for himself as part of training. Saizou slipped into clothes that were loose and simple (still of the colour green) and wrapped a scarf before stepping back outside.  
  
Camp was filled with murmurs of inexperienced soldiers who were cold and tired and louder boasts from others relaying the successes of their attacks. Saizou made his way to a free seat and helped himself to a heap of softened rice.  
  
It was odd to find himself among company. The arrival of his presence was usually enough for those who had been sitting to leave one by one until he was left to monopolise the fire and pot of food. Not that it bothered him; if people were too cowardly to stay then it was their problem (and a bonus for him not to be seen unmasked), though he would have respected them more if they upped and left without a word instead of trying not to ‘hurt’ his feelings with feeble excuses.  
  
No one batted an eyelid to Suzukaze sitting in proximity and chewing slowly as he listened to the low buzz of chatter.  
  
“Want some company?”  
  
Silas was already making himself comfortable in the space next to him when Saizou looked up.  
  
“Not the best of conditions today,” Silas said, helping himself to some rice. “Then again, could’ve been worse. What happened back at the village?”  
  
“A Vallite attempted a stealth attack on Lady Kamui. Rinkah said she also found two but made fast work of clearing them from the village. We scoured the village once more before returning.”  
  
“No wonder Kamui looked a little pale when I spoke to her earlier.”  
  
“Lady Hinoka said the same thing,” Saizou confirmed. “The Vallite would have struck her down had I not intervened.”  
  
“A little too close to death then …?” Silas didn’t sound convinced.  
  
“Why, did Lady Kamui mention something?” He hadn’t seen Kamui since they returned and she hadn’t come to speak to him so he had no idea how she was faring. It wasn’t the first time she had come face to face with death and she wasn’t one to fear it, so it was a surprise to him to hear her so affected.  
  
“She asked if you were okay, which by the looks of things you are, so I said as much.”  
  
Saizou noted Silas jigging his right leg as he ate.  
  
“You look like you have something on your mind,” Saizou returned the words spoken to him earlier that day.  
  
“What? No, I’m just—” Silas sighed and stopped moving his leg. “I guess a lot’s happening at once, that’s all.”  
  
“Does it have to do with your conversation with Joker earlier?”  
  
The jigging resumed.  
  
_Yes then._ “I could sense something was disturbing you both while we were walking,” he added. No point lying about it.  
  
“You know how he is sometimes, he gets the wrong end of the stick and it’s hard to convince him otherwise.”  
  
Saizou hummed in response. He felt like Silas was waiting for something further and wracking his brains, realised it was Suzukaze’s usual trait of meddling.  
  
He said slowly, “Would you … like to talk about it?”  
  
Silas almost looked like he would take him up on the offer but then shook his head at the last second. “No, it’s fine. Whatever idea he’s got in his head I’m sure is a misunderstanding.”  
  
Saizou muttered into his rice a thanks to the gods before pushing the spoon into his mouth.  
  
A strange dynamic was building around Joker, Silas and Suzukaze recently, and Saizou had to consider the notion that, as the anomaly, he was the one responsible. He made a note to be extra cautious around these two for the time being.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Come the following day, Suzukaze – better rested and less bitter about himself – noticed Kagerou on one of the outside benches, reading.  
  
“Has something happened?” Kagerou asked as he approached.  
  
“No, I—” Suzukaze caught the title of the book and startled. “That book …”  
  
Kagerou looked up. “What about it?”  
  
“I … saw Suzukaze reading it the other day.” He saved himself from saying he owned it – the reaction on Kagerou’s face would be humorous but not worth the price of having his throat cut after she believed him an imposter.  
  
She looked surprised enough at his answer. “Suzukaze … reads romance novels?”  
  
“He’s started to,” he said carefully, still not used to talking about himself in the third person. “It was Nyx’s influence. You should ask her for recommendations, she owns all kinds of books.”  
  
Kagerou slipped a finger between the pages and closed the book. “I was not aware you were close to the sorcerer.”  
  
“I’m not,” Suzukaze answered quickly. “Again, Suzukaze. He spends enough time reading in her room. He likes harassing me with the details.”  
  
He was conflicted between being proud at refining his brother’s character and annoyed at his brother for thinking of him that way.  
  
Either way, another pitfall evaded as she looked convinced enough by the reply. “I didn’t know he was versed in Nohrian scripture.”  
  
“Oh, that’s a problem easily solved. Nyx knows a spell that enables fluency in various languages and dialects.”  
  
He realised too late his manner of speech was nothing like his brother, and her level of suspicion raised to its maximum as a questioning look bored into him. He was almost afraid she would read his mind.  
  
“—Was Suzukaze’s reply. When I asked him the same thing.”  
  
A feeble attempt to save himself but he sensed her suspicion lowering. It was dangerous talking to her of his interests and becoming immersed in the conversation. It could not be helped, his brother’s work partner was so enriched with Hoshidan culture and traditions and these circumstances allowed his curiosity in her artistic endeavours to be voiced freely.  
  
“I didn’t realise you and Suzukaze talked idly on interests, considering your opinion on activities you deem non-conducive,” she resumed their talk.  
  
Suzukaze imagined his brother spent all his spare moments, should he have any, doing whatever he could to cultivating his skills, and the idea his brother had interests sounded absurd even to him. Maybe it was that he had yet to find anything of interest.  
  
Or he was a true master at concealing, even from his own twin brother.  
  
“You know how he is,” Suzukaze imagined his brother to reply. He was aware of his own character and the way he informed his brother of an interesting idea or activity he had heard or seen. While his brother’s response was always brusque, he never cut him off as he talked.  
  
“It’s good he leaves some kind of impression on you,” Kagerou said, reopening her book. “I would be interested to hear his opinion on this novel.”  
  
Suzukaze felt something flip in his stomach and watched Kagerou pointedly ignore him as she returned to reading. He put the feeling down to being glad to find a common interest that would give him an excuse to talk once he was back in his own body, and continued on down the road.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Silas left and Saizou was thinking to do the same when he noticed another he recognised heading towards him.  
  
“Rinkah,” Saizou greeted as she sat in the open seat, pushing a cup into his hands.  
  
“This’ll warm you up.”  
  
Saizou peered into what looked like mead. Low on his list of preference and too sweet for his liking, but he wouldn’t let it go to waste. Rinkah clanked their cups together and took a swig – Saizou did the same.  
  
The warmth spreading from its sweetness was more to Suzukaze’s liking than his own preference of sharp drinks with a kick, but it didn’t stop him from continuing to drain the cup.  
  
“How’s your brother feeling? He must have a pretty bad hangover, huh?”  
  
“Yes he did … but we have our own recipe for dealing with the after-effects. He was better by the afternoon.” Or so Saizou imagined from his own experience of hangovers and bitter cures.  
  
“Ah, time difference. How long has it been now, a few days?”  
  
“Closer to two weeks,” he corrected. “The evening must still be quite clear in your mind if it was only yesterday.”  
  
Rinkah snorted into her drink. “I don’t think I could forget even if I wanted to. As soon as I get the chance I’m inviting your brother to one of our tribe’s celebrations – the outcome will be priceless. You’re welcome to come and witness the humiliation too, as long as you don’t try and stop him.”  
  
Was he really that much of an entertainer when he drank?  
  
“You must have been thoroughly amused if he left such an impression on you.”  
  
Rinkah hummed in agreement. “He has his funny side when he drinks. He has his serious side too.” She paused. “Your brother mentioned something to me.”  
  
Saizou looked to Rinkah who watched the flames, shadows licking at her skin. He hadn’t even started to pry information out of her and here she was giving it away freely. It must have been serious to have her animated temperament enveloped in the sombre aura she cloaked herself in now.  
  
“I don’t know if I should be telling you this,” she started. “You remember how, sometime during the night, he went to get fresh air and I wound up taking him to make sure he didn’t kill himself falling?”  
  
Saizou didn’t (and he wasn’t sure he liked the additional remark) but he was more interested in hearing what his drunken self had to say than the details of his state.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“We were outside – he was sitting on a pile of sake barrels and I was standing next to him when he started talking. It started off as drunken ramblings, complaining about losing to Charlotte, how you don’t let him do what he wants. All of a sudden he became quiet. I thought he’d fallen asleep so was about to wake him when I saw he was just staring ahead, lost in his thoughts. I decided to let him have his quiet, at least until it started to get cold.  
  
“That was when he started talking. About how he wanted to do these things with you more often – drinking and the like – but wasn’t sure how to go about it.”  
  
Rinkah refused to look at him as she swallowed a mouthful of drink, eyes on the fire, like it fuelled her to keep going.  
  
“I’m not sure, but …” She shook her head. “It was probably nothing.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Rinkah tapped her fingers on the cup. “Maybe – _maybe_ – I heard him say it was him and his title at fault.”  
  
She looked to him. “I don’t know if that’s what he thinks when he’s sober, but you know what they say about loose inhibitions, loose tongues. He … looked like he didn’t know what to do, like he _wanted_ to do something but didn’t know how to go about it. I know he’s stubborn enough not to say anything to you, so I thought maybe if I told you, you’d – I don’t know. Take the first step maybe.”  
  
Rinkah hid her face behind the cup with a long drink until she dropped her arm with a frustrated sigh and ruffled her half-damp hair with her free hand. “Argh, you’re a bad influence. I’m starting to sound like you, forcing myself into other people’s business, trying to solve their problems. Don’t mention anything to him, all right? He probably doesn’t remember but I don’t want him classing me as another meddler.”  
  
“I understand,” Saizou said, though there was no anger at her sharing his words.  
  
“Enough of this,” Rinkah snatched the cup out of his hands. “I’m going to refill our drinks and when I return you can tell me what food I missed from your admirers while I was gone.”  
  
It was his turn to stare into the fire as he replayed her words. He had no recollection of what he had said but he had no reason to distrust Rinkah. He would be lying if he said he never thought himself responsible, but his _title_? What did his title have to do with anything?  
  
Before he could think further, Rinkah returned and demanded him to share the details of his gifts.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze sipped on tea offered as a sample as he considered buying its leaves. It was strong, astringent, and sadly to the liking of his brother.  
  
He automatically hovered over the richer, darker leaves with his newly acquired taste for bitterness while he browsed the assortment of teas. It was a shame because he missed the taste of something sweet, but he found even the walls of the confectionary store could not barricade the saccharine aroma that induced nausea. He always assumed his brother’s aversion was an exaggeration – now he regretted the gentle gibes given in his ignorance.  
  
“This is unexpected.”  
  
Unexpected indeed, as he turned to face his speaker.  
  
“I ran out.” Suzukaze felt the need to explain his presence, in case Kagerou would think he was here purposefully seeking her out.  
  
“As have I.”  
  
Kagerou walked past to the matcha. Suzukaze remembered she was also knowledgeable in the way of tea.  
  
“For Lord Ryouma?” he asked, pointedly keeping his eye to the sencha.  
  
“No. I’m trying to find a taste suitable for Pieri for when we next meet.”  
  
“I didn’t realise you were close.”  
  
“I could say the same of you and Lazward.”  
  
Ah, yes. Suzukaze discovered his brother’s competitions with Lazward while out shopping one day, thinking he would have to make a diversion as he noticed the large huddle of women only to find his brother at the centre making conversation without a shade of embarrassment. He supposed his brother considered it another mission, but had he been in the same position Suzukaze was unsure he could have dished out the smooth comments to those swooning women. It had been a revelation to say the least.  
  
The shop fell to silence as both continued their own search, though Suzukaze was becoming bothered by the close proximity and the single niggling thought that had been with him since the previous day.  
  
Was he forming some kind of attraction?  
  
Kagerou, his brother’s past (and as far as he was aware, only) love interest. He remembered it to be a short affair – one day they were together, the next day they were not. Orochi had been the one to break the news when he casually commented on his relief that his brother was finally in good hands, and sometime later, his brother muttered quickly that he and Kagerou were no more. Nobody knew the reason.  
  
He felt there existed some unwritten rule about being interested in someone whom your brother used to be with, yet he knew deep down his growing interest extended beyond mere comradeship – why else was there the constant need to get to know her? And Chance was not exactly helping by continually presenting him with opportunities to meet and directing him to his current thoughts. If anything, it was mostly likely enjoying the show of dilemma and discomfort.  
  
He should confirm his feelings by engaging with her more. What could he ask about? Perhaps her progression with her book?  
  
“Kagerou—”  
  
He looked up to find himself alone in the shop.  
  
“She just left,” the owner said with a pitying smile.  
  
_It’s probably for the best_ he reconciled, pointing to the bitterest set of leaves and ordering a small bag, washing his disappointment down with the remainder of his tea.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Two cups finished and Saizou was already tipsy. Suzukaze wasn’t joking about not being able to hold his liquor.  
  
No matter how Saizou tried to steer the conversation back to their drunken evening, Rinkah refused the bait and talked on lighter topics. He was about to make one more attempt when he stood abruptly.  
  
“Lady Kamui,” he said, shaking his head to clear the sudden dizziness.  
  
Kamui wandered over to them. “I’m sorry to interrupt. Do you think I could borrow him for a few minutes?” Kamui asked Rinkah, who said yes and waved him away, saying she needed sleep anyway.  
  
Saizou followed Kamui back to her tent and inside, thinking she was going to inform him of their plans for tomorrow.  
  
Her palms suddenly pressed onto his face and he stood shocked still at the contact.  
  
“… Lady Kamui?”  
  
“Because you must be quite tired,” she said, like what she was doing was normal (though for her, it was.) Her skin was cool on his fire-brew-warmed face. “Especially after fending off that enemy and saving me – thank you again. I don’t know what came over me.”  
  
Saizou tried not to look into her ruby eyes which seemed much more searching than usual, instead looking over her head to the back of the tent while his concentration focused on the sensation of her hands.  
  
_So this is what it feels like_.  
  
When he used to be called to her room, Kamui mainly just patted or stroked his hair, hardly ever touching his face. He had never offered to take off his mask and she had never asked; he knew his face would redden with each second her hands were on him and he was uncomfortable with showing that kind of personal display. She also kept to the left side of his face after quickly learning he disliked being touched in his blind spot. Being in Suzukaze’s body meant he was able to feel her whole hands on his cheeks, her thumb brushing his skin to trace the area around his lips, her fingers tickling his jaw line and the back of his neck; he felt shivers shooting through his nerves at being touched somewhere more sensitive.  
  
Saizou hadn’t realised how much he missed those hands, or how much they soothed. Lately she hadn’t called him to her room, he assumed because he complained so openly about her strange habit that she respected his wishes. He thought his words had softened so they didn’t sound as begrudging, but maybe he had failed to express this in a way that came across well.  
  
Suzukaze received so much of her attention, being always by her side.  
  
Saizou inhaled sharply.  
  
Gods, how could he have been such a _fool_. He thought of the conversation, the one Suzukaze had tried so hard to hide – it was her relationship with _Suzukaze_ that she wanted to improve. It made sense, why neither wanted to be apart from each other, and her words on that first day, _‘it affects you the most’,_ held meaning because Suzukaze’s position would no longer be one of a retainer, he would be—  
  
_A husband_.  
  
“Is something wrong?”  
  
His eyes refocused onto hers. She was peering up at him curiously, her eyes darting about his face; he wasn’t sure what was reflected on Suzukaze’s face right now.  
  
“I apologise, I was thinking of my brother,” he unthinkingly let out with this shock discovery and took a step back.  
  
“Oh … oh! Of course this was—” she dropped her hands. “I should know better, shouldn’t I? Thank you for reminding me.”  
  
Something about her comment snagged him but other matters demanded his attention.  
  
“It’s getting rather late – I think it’s time we retired so we can be ready for tomorrow.”  
  
Saizou bowed his head and left her tent without a word, not trusting himself to talk. Once outside, the cold cleared his head and snapped him out of the dream he had been allowing himself to live all this time.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze shivered; his room was starting to chill from the open window. He pushed himself up to go and shut out breeze when three soft knocks stopped him.  
  
Abandoning the window, he walked over to open the door, finding Kagerou standing.  
  
_Am I being taunted?_ He questioned whatever entity was forcing these situations upon him.  
  
“I apologise for the lateness. I wanted to know if you had ink to spare.”  
  
Suzukaze turned to his brother’s room. His brother wrote, which meant he had to have a supply somewhere, and the only place he could have ink stored in the almost-empty room would be the wooden chest in the corner of the room. He walked over, knelt in front, made a quick apology to his brother for the intrusion and opened the lid, finding small boxes and items wrapped in cloth. He went through each likely box – one contained small tools, in another a sewing set – and on the third try found brushes and a few bottles of ink. He breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
Light skimmed across something metallic poking out from a wrapping cloth that was surprisingly effeminate for his brother to own and he thought he recognised it.  
  
“Here,” Suzukaze said, returning to Kagerou and handing the bottle over.  
  
“I appreciate it. Apologies again for disturbing you.”  
  
Suzukaze closed the door, eyeing the chest and approached it cautiously. The cloth was lilac, with petite white flowers sprinkled from corner to corner. Carefully he untied the knot – loose, he noted, in comparison to others – and spread the sheet out on the desk to expose the object.  
  
He knew this accessory. Lady Kamui had been especially pleased to come across it while walking the markets, quickly purchasing it when told it was the last one available. Her usual hair clip was immediately replaced, and she continued to wear it for a number of days. When Suzukaze noted that it was exchanged once more for her old hairclip, he asked its whereabouts, receiving a sad smile in response.  
  
_“It was lost during battle. I should have known better than to wear something so fragile.”  
_  
However, as he brought it closer to the light, the metallic butterfly was not the same as the one he remembered seeing.  
  
It had been broken, a faint line down one side of the body proof of where it cleanly snapped, and the wings themselves had been bent and twisted. Gluing the parts together had not posed a problem; it was the frame that needed most work. His brother had done his best to straighten the metal but alone it would have looked like a butterfly sorely battered and on its last wings.  
  
Instead, the butterfly was decorated. A thin, translucent sheet of the same navy coloured blue as the lady’s cloak covered the wings to mask the frame, but the most astonishing was the countless numbers of transparent water droplets his brother had painstakingly made with glue to give the effect of a butterfly surviving a cold night and waiting for the sun to dry the dews. It was the most ideal method to hold the material in place without making it glaringly obvious that an adhesive was used. His brother’s handiwork made it difficult enough to see up close that the decoration had once been damaged, and from afar it was nigh on impossible.  
  
Suzukaze had no idea his brother could work in such detail; or had he spent countless hours practicing until he could perfect the technique and produce something that would rouse, even in perfectionists, envy?  
  
His brother must have been there when Lady Kamui had lost the object and gone scouring for it afterwards, though it did not explain why he had it in his possession after all this time. Suzukaze knew how much his lady loved this piece of jewellery despite the brief period it was in her possession, and how much happier she would be to have it returned.  
  
_Brother—_  
  
“Why do you not give it to her?”  
  
As soon as he heard the crackle in his brother’s voice, he knew his brother would place the decoration back on the cloth, gently fold the ends over until it was concealed and tie a knot – loosely, so he could ask himself the same question when he next thought to set it free.  
  
Suzukaze placed the wrapped gift back into the chest and slowly closed the lid. He needed no more proof.  
  
But the question begged to be asked – why did his brother keep his feelings to himself?


	8. Chapter 8

In order to forget the uncloaking of Kamui’s relationship with his brother, Saizou turned his eye to Rinkah’s equally disturbing words and revisited a memory that had long since gathered dust.  
  
It was on a morning days after they returned home from Cheve that Saizou stood outside in the shadow of his father. He had developed a crick in his neck from staring up for so long, because his father ceased to crouch when speaking to him, instead choosing to tower over him as master to a pupil. His father’s eyes resembling a flame compared to his own coloured blood reminded him of fire in a hearth, but on that day it burnt with a fierceness of a fire left outside to fend against a gale.  
  
His training as Saizou the fifth was to commence.  
  
Saizou asked after Suzukaze, and received a terse reply that he had been sent to the capital to resume his training there. Years would pass before Suzukaze revealed that this was the late Queen’s suggestion, as she wanted to offer her encouragement to the little boy who felt responsible for the loss of her daughter.  
  
_“Maybe –_ maybe _– I heard him say it was him and his title at fault.”  
  
_ Saizou could pinpoint the single moment in his life where he loathed the bestowed name. Months after the separation, Suzukaze briefly returned. On their first meeting they stood without a word, brother before brother, sensing the change in each other and themselves but neither acknowledging it out loud. They had spent their whole life inseparable, or at the very least within walking range, and without warning had been ripped apart. Saizou knew there would eventually come a day when each would go their own way, but he never thought it would come to them so abruptly.  
  
What could he do now, years after they had grown accustomed to their awkward definition of brotherhood? How could he repair the damage that only widened with each day that passed? Saizou wanted to ask his drunken self what he had been thinking when those words emerged—  
  
He heard a rustle of cloth and leaves and snapped his senses so they redirected outward instead of in. No one would have ventured this far out of camp, which could only mean one thing.  
  
Careful of where he tread, he made his way forward.  
  
“Is someone there …?”  
  
It was the second time that day he heard the phrase. No longer bothering to conceal his footsteps, he approached the voice, his foot catching the edge of the dip where, while blackened by the night, he was certain a person was inside and that person was Setsuna.  
  
“I don’t believe it,” Saizou muttered under his breath. “Setsuna, what are you doing down there?” he asked, not wanting to know the answer.  
  
“Suzukaze? I thought to lay a trap overnight so there would be game for the morning …”  
  
_Of course you did_. Saizou held his breath and counted to ten so as to remind himself of who he currently was, then got to work pulling her out of her own snare.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Returning from a brief check on Lord Ryouma, Suzukaze took a detour to a store selling stationery to restock the ink that had been given away the night before. As money exchanged hands, he attempted in vain to block out the image of the hidden item housed inside the chest. His mind was still fixated on solving the mystery that was his brother’s way of thinking when he stepped out of the door, bumping into a passerby.  
  
“I apologise, I was not looking where I was going—” he stopped at the sight of his brother’s partner, stammering through filler ‘ohs’ and ‘ers’ until he remembered who he was.  
  
“Kagerou,” he finally settled on a fully formed word.  
  
“I was going to purchase replacement ink but I see you are one step ahead,” she said, looking down at the small bag in Suzukaze’s hand. “Let me at least give you the money—”  
  
“There’s no need. Did you manage to finish whatever it was you were working on?”  
  
“It is still a work in process, but I was able to put image to paper before it escaped my memory.”  
  
“That’s … good. Maybe you can show me when you’re done.”  
  
_No, Suzukaze, collect yourself,_ he thought under Kagerou’s questioning stare. His brother mentioned how Kagerou’s art made him physically unwell (though not as badly as the smell of sugar) – he would not want to see her work.  
  
“My style has not changed, I doubt you will find it pleasing to the eye.” A short pause followed. “Have you been overworking yourself?”  
  
She was putting his mistakes down to working in secret behind the lord’s orders. This was a credible excuse that could be used.  
  
“I can’t help it, I’m not used to doing nothing,” he said, overly emphasising the surliness in his voice.  
  
“… To be honest, I did not expect you to hold out long. I, too, have been keeping my eye on our lord,” she confessed.  
  
Suzukaze smiled under the mask. Lord Ryouma’s retainers were as bad as each other.  
  
“We leave soon. It’s only natural we start sharpening our senses in preparation.” His brother’s speech was coming back to him.  
  
“My thoughts exactly. Let us not mention this to our lord.”  
  
“Obviously.”  
  
“Then I will take watch now. As for last night, I will find some other way to repay you.”  
  
“There’s no need. Your thoughts are enough, Kagerou, thank you.”  
  
It was all going so smoothly, until those dreaded words slipped out. Perhaps his show of appreciation really was a habit that needed rectifying.  
  
“Saizou—”  
  
His brother’s name sounded like it was to be proceeded with a sentence that would reveal the mystery of his brother’s gratitude.  
  
“—I will see you when we exchange duties,” Kagerou finished.  
  
She disappeared, leaving Suzukaze with a suspicion that her final word was not the one she planned on saying.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Saizou made certain Setsuna went into her tent and stayed outside for at least ten minutes to make sure she wouldn’t reappear, contemplating over the idea of tying the flaps together so she wouldn’t escape to drop into another trap. He slowly backed away from the tent when he felt comfortable enough that she had settled, turning to—  
  
A light inside the main tent where the war council had been held.  
  
_Strange_. He crept closer, imagining someone in camp sneaking in to read (or steal) papers, until he heard murmurs from inside. A team? He stopped when he reached the side, voices soft but audible.  
  
“—But everyone is all right?” The tone was strained and full of unease but he knew immediately who it was – Kamui.  
  
“Yes, milady.” A man’s voice he didn’t recognise. “Lady Sakura and the other healers spent the day tending to the casualties and everyone is tired, but well.”  
  
“Casualties?” Saizou repeated in a whisper.  
  
“What’s the extent of the damage?” Grounded and commanding, the voice of the first princess never revealed her true state.  
  
“They mainly attacked from the south and east gates. Some residences have been damaged along with a few of the barracks and training grounds, but the enemies were unable to venture far into the centre. It was ill-fated that a few slipped through to the lord’s quarters.”  
  
Saizou straightened at the mention of ‘lord’.  
  
“Lady Sakura’s retainer arrived at the capital shortly after nightfall to deliver the news and Lord Takumi wished for you to know the change in situation, in light of the fact that the lord’s return has been postponed until he has fully recovered.”  
  
_Fully recovered_. His lord had been injured – gravely, if he didn’t push his visit to Hoshido. Saizou had repeatedly urged Suzukaze to do anything to protect Lord Ryouma. What on earth would have made him leave the lord’s side during an invasion?  
  
“Surely Lilith could have delivered the message,” Lady Hinoka said.  
  
“No, Ryouma must have wanted her to save her strength, knowing she would meet with us come morning. I know it’s not easy for her to keep sending people back and forth between realms.”  
  
“Probably with a mind to save you from worrying as well. Well, there’s a chance he’ll wait for you to arrive so you can be updated.” There was a short pause. “Stop looking like you’ve done wrong, Kamui, our brother is tough. It’ll take more than a stab wound or two for him to be defeated—”  
  
“Actually—”  
  
“— _Not to mention_ he’s related to one of the best healers in the army.”  
  
More than a stab wound or two, if messenger’s interruption and Lady Hinoka firmly denying his interruption were an indication.  
  
“You’re right, Hinoka. Thank you for delivering the message to us so late. I’m afraid time won’t allow for you to completely regain your strength, but please rest here until we leave in the morning.”  
  
“Milady.”  
  
Some shuffling and the light went out. Saizou remained motionless as the flap opened and footsteps parted. He followed one set to see they returned safely to their own tent.  
  
Another weight fell onto the silently cumulating load in his mind.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
It was a relief to watch Lord Ryouma take strolls with Lady Sakura and not wince at the slightest movement. His brother will surely find out about the injuries and would undeniably give a lecture, but seeing the lord in perfect health should be enough for his brother to grudgingly excuse his misjudgement.  
  
“How is our lord?”  
  
“All is well,” Suzukaze reported, now used to the short exchanges. He turned to leave.  
  
“Wait, Saizou. I wish to talk with you.”  
  
He abandoned turning and faced Kagerou. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“I am trying to understand your behaviour as of late and my observations have led me to one conclusion.”  
  
_She knows._ The question of how was redundant; there were plenty of occasions he had erred. That time with the novel? The fault in his manner of speech yesterday? There were more cases than he could count on both hands.  
  
“Are you attempting to rekindle the flame we once shared?”  
  
Suzukaze temporarily lost the ability to comprehend.  
  
“That is the only plausible reason for your actions.”  
  
The connection between slips where he was unable to control his own speech and his brother courting Kagerou was invisible to him. He doubted his brother even knew the concept of making advances – his image of his brother asking Kagerou to be an item was a blunt and possibly uncomfortable reveal of his like for her.  
  
“My behaviour as of late,” he repeated carefully. “What behaviour are you talking about?”  
  
“Your gratitude, for one. You acted the same before confessing your attraction. Not once did you express your appreciation until one day you were throwing thanks at every opportunity.”  
  
That certainly explained her rebuffs every time a thank you slipped out.  
  
“And now you are also interested in my pastimes. You abandoned trying to understand my work and now you question me at every meeting.” Kagerou stood before him. “The truth, Saizou. Are you trying to rekindle our relationship?”  
  
What mess had he invited. She did not look to hold any sort of deeper affection than the one their profession required, but what if she secretly had feelings for his brother also? He had to prevent Kagerou from thinking his brother was reforming his attachment, not when that attachment was to someone else.  
  
He would have to rely once more on the excuse he had been frequenting over the week.  
  
“It’s … Suzukaze.”  
  
“Suzukaze?” Even Kagerou was unable to hide her astonishment at the disclosure.  
  
“He’s developed some sort of … attachment to you. He kept asking after your hobbies. I couldn’t give him much in the way of answers so I took an interest in an attempt to satisfy his curiosity. Me offering you my thanks was … him persuading me to be more mindful.”  
  
Not quite a confession, but by no means did it lessen the nerves or stop the pounding in his chest while he bore out his emotions before her.  
  
“Suzukaze … that is a factor I did not foresee.”  
  
Kagerou looked aside, at a loss at the notion and turning the idea over in her mind while Suzukaze watched her expression flatten into the undecipherable slate she often wore.  
  
“You must believe me when I say I no longer think of you that way,” Suzukaze added in desperation to straighten the misunderstanding. “Not that I mean to say I didn’t, only that I don’t any more,” he clarified clumsily, to straighten the misunderstanding _without_ causing offence.  
  
“I suppose you are right,” she said, matching his gaze. “I apologise if my rash accusation caused you discomfort. I should have trusted the evidence instead of over-thinking your actions.”  
  
“What do you mean by that?”  
  
The corner of Kagerou’s mouth twitched. “Nothing, Saizou.”  
  
It was an odd comment but Suzukaze let it pass.  
  
“Don’t mention this to Suzukaze, I don’t want him to know I had a hand in this. He’ll approach you in his own time.” _Once I have returned to my own body_.  
  
“Understood. I have to admit, I did not expect you to act so calmly.”  
  
Her words were a caution on what awaited him. “Why wouldn’t I?”  
  
“Indeed.”  
  
His initial thought was right, his brother may be against the idea of him developing his relationship with Kagerou. Once this incident and the plan between Lady Kamui and his brother were behind him, he would have to devise another plan for himself. Until then, he prayed Kagerou would keep her word and not speak to ‘Suzukaze’.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Once Saizou made sure Kamui was sleeping, he resumed watch. Guards on standby were further reduced to one on each side of camp, though it wouldn’t take long before the numbers increased with the lightening sky.  
  
Someone sneezed, the sound resounding too clearly in the air to be coming from inside. Saizou followed its source and at the sight of two silhouettes, darted behind the nearest tent for cover.  
  
“Joker, why did you wake me up for this?” The speaker, Silas, hissed, crossing his arms and huddling into himself. He did a poor job of speaking in hushed tones; then again, it was a needless concern when some of the snores and restless turning were louder.  
  
Silas shifted from foot to foot in an attempt to stay warm. “I already told you this topic is closed, you’re making us look like we’re conspiring.”  
  
“ _We are._ ”  
  
Saizou edged closer then crouched fixed in position.  
  
“You’ve never been able to let go of your opinion that Suzukaze is dishonest when everyone – _everyone_ except _you_ I’d like to add – agrees that he’s a decent guy. You suggesting this apparent plot of his, it’s downright—” Silas replaced the final word with a small cry of frustration. “Your grudge is making you blind.”  
  
“No, you don’t want to admit the blindfold wrapped around your own eyes. He’s a ninja. They’re as muddied as the drab colours they wear and will do anything for their own advantage.”  
  
Joker’s resentment towards Suzukaze was blatant, stemming from Suzukaze so easily gaining Kamui’s trust and slipping into position of retainer. At first Saizou thought the butler to be doing his job (he imagined someone attempting something similar with Lord Ryouma; he would never let them out of his sight) but his unrelenting stance on Suzukaze’s so-called secret intentions even as time went on steadily ground his initial respect to hostility.  
  
“You’re insane.”  
  
“Haven’t you noticed the change recently? The dark looks? The waver in his smile? The _closeness_ to Lady Kamui?”  
  
That butler – he saw through the pretence. His meticulousness would have been admirable if not for his general behaviour.  
  
“You always say he gives you looks, his smile wavers when he has things on his mind and he’s close to everyone! I’ve seen him and spoken to him several times these past few days, the last time literally a few hours ago, and I’m telling you nothing was different.”  
  
“Not the sharpest knife in the drawer are you?”  
  
“If you have an issue, take it up directly with Suzukaze – or better yet, Kamui.” Silas’ composure didn’t crumble under the insult. “Don’t sneak around behind people’s back, trying to spread poison across camp. And you say ninjas act dirty.”  
  
Joker was equally unrelenting. “I thought you of all people would see sense. He has his own agenda and I’m going to get to the bottom of this. I _will_ reveal his true nature for all to see.”  
  
“If you do, make sure you don’t involve anyone else,” Silas called after Joker who stormed away.  
  
Saizou watched Silas shake his head at the disappearing figure and duck under the flap to his tent. Unbeknownst to them, both men had arrived to the right conclusion. The matter in question was why Joker persistently harassed Silas to the point of needing to convince him in the early hours of the morning.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
The last time Suzukaze knelt before the lord in the customary morning meeting felt distant; it must have been while his brother was still here.  
  
“I will leave for Hoshido tomorrow after Kamui’s return.”  
  
The decision was one Suzukaze predicted, but it was a relief to have it confirmed. At least he would be able to meet with his brother, hopefully in private, to exchange information and then consider their next course of action.  
  
“The trip will be short – in truth, it will be more for reassuring the people of my presence. I received word from Prince Leon that Prince Marx will be making his way to the astral realm. I have thought it best to deliberate on the next course of action with him and Kamui before making our next move. The plan is to spend the day in Hoshido, return here for the meeting, and then to make our way again.”  
  
Finally, a fall of good fortune; the lord would spend one full day in Hoshido before returning here, securing perhaps a day or two at least to give Nyx the opportunity to reverse the spell.  
  
“My lord,” Kagerou spoke. “Which route are you considering for our return?”  
  
“I have asked that we be taken just outside of the Hoshidan capital. I believe we had left the capital before making our way here, it will make sense for us to return from the outside.”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
And with the open plains behind them, there would likely be no threat from a potential attack.  
  
“Sakura will also be returning to Hoshido along with Kazahana. I believe she ordered Tsubaki to remain at the castle once he had relayed his message. Do either of you hold any concerns?”  
  
“No, my lord,” Suzukaze replied with Kagerou.  
  
“In that case, I will go and make preparations.” Lord Ryouma shifted, ready to leave. “Oh, before we conclude our meeting, it's been brought to my attention that a couple of the ‘recruits’ have been interfering with the guarding schedule and forcefully relieving others. I think it best for you to see to it that everyone is receiving an equal share of their duties.”  
  
The lord left the room.  
  
“Has he been questioning the recruits?” Suzukaze asked still kneeling in position, knowing fully well the lord was referring to them.  
  
“Most likely. They still cower before the lord, and do not know how to bend the truth.”  
  
“I think we should trust the recruits to do their duties today. After all, it's only one more day.”  
  
“My thoughts exactly.”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Saizou finished rolling up another of the tents ready to be taken back to Hoshido. He always made it his job to do his share of setting up and clearing, so when he found everything prepared by the time of their arrival the day before, he made up for his ease by working double.  
  
With all the tents down and not much left to do, he sat down, mindlessly tugging open the bag containing his belongings only to close it again. Realising the pointlessness of this action, he switched off his mind to reserve the lowering energy from a busy night.  
  
“You look like you haven’t slept.”  
  
Saizou looked up at Kamui who was already standing before him.  
  
“Good morning, Lady Kamui,” he greeted while he tried to kick-start his brain. “Did you sleep well?”  
  
Kamui’s reply was a sound of indifference. “I’ll sleep better once we’re back in the astral realm.” She said nothing of being woken in the middle of the night by a messenger. He equally said nothing of what he knew.  
  
She sat beside him but spoke no further and Saizou had nothing to comment. He wondered if there was a special greeting Suzukaze had for Kamui, a sign or a codeword that would affirm his feelings to her while in the presence of company. A secret language created between the two of them, at least until they announced their relationship to the world.  
  
He didn’t feel betrayal – couldn’t, because that would mean acknowledging the one emotion he had sworn he would only turn his blind eye to. Besides, betrayal implied having already entrusted his secret, and no one knew as far as he was aware. If Suzukaze had known he would probably have stepped aside and forced Saizou to take action – he would hear no end of it until he did.  
  
It was only a matter of time before Kamui found someone. With Suzukaze as that someone, she was in good hands. And if anyone could take care of his brother, it would be her. In a way they were already fated to be together, torn apart at a young age to be reunited years later through extraordinary circumstances.  
  
Saizou risked a glance at her direction to find her already staring at him.  
  
“I am sorry, milady,” he said quickly, feeling heat creep up from under his scarf to his cheeks.  
  
“Whatever for?”  
  
_I’m sorry I’m not my brother._ “For not being myself. I was restless during the night and, as you may have suspected, slept very little.”  
  
“I’m sure sleep will come naturally once we return.” Her smile was warm and – to his eyes – inviting.  
  
_Had they already—?_  
  
He couldn’t think about that now and pretend to be Suzukaze at the same time.  
  
Regardless of how many times he tried, it ached when he had to force a smile in her direction. “Yes, Lady Kamui. I am sure you are right.”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
With his duties completed for the day, Suzukaze retold Lord Ryouma’s plans to Nyx later that evening.  
  
“That will give us some time to experiment. I compiled a list of potential spells.”  
  
Nyx passed him a parchment with a neatly written list of small joined-up letters in old Nohrian, scattered with miniscule notations between the spaces. Even with his knowledge of Nohrian, he was unable to interpret their meanings.  
  
He passed the list back to her. “Would it be best to perform the spells before or after the lord’s visit to Hoshido?”  
  
“After will give us more time and a buffer in case of any bad reactions,” she said thoughtfully, pattering to the corner of the room saved for mixing potions, turning her back to him as the fire underneath the pot began to burn strongly.  
  
A spell backfiring was a risk he would rather avoid.  
  
“Is there a possibility of side effects?”  
  
“I can’t predict what will happen until I perform a spell.” Nyx came over to him with a cup of whatever it was she was brewing.  
  
“What potion is this?” he asked, taking the cup off her hands.  
  
“Coffee,” she deadpanned. The liquid was black to suit his brother’s tongue but with a faint waft of alcohol. “In answer to your other question – yes, there may be side effects.”  
  
“I understand.”  
  
Nyx returned to her usual seat, where she lifted her own cup to her lips.  
  
He had not yet been given a book to sift through and the book currently occupying the side-table by Nyx’s chair remained untouched; he wondered if that was intentional, leaving them open for conversation.  
  
With the time for their experimentation drawing near, and with the increasing awareness of his brother’s character, Suzukaze’s thoughts had him questioning the timing of their switch.  
  
“Nyx, may I ask for your opinion?”  
  
Nyx lowered her cup, her eyes ever watchful.  
  
“Do you … believe in the concept of being influenced by outside forces?”  
  
“That’s a very vague question, Suzukaze.”  
  
Her dismissive answer was her way of telling him to stop the roundabout questioning and be more specific.  
  
“I apologise. Allow me to rephrase – do you believe what has happened to my brother and I are through the will of outside forces?”  
  
“‘Are the gods testing us’ I think is the wording you seek.”  
  
Suzukaze gave a sheepish smile and a nod.  
  
“What makes you think so?”  
  
“Many matters have come to my attention since the day we switched, matters that were only given fleeting thoughts but easily dismissed. The weight my brother bears to uphold his name has always been on my mind and here I am experiencing the same weight, while my brother is reprieved from his never ending responsibilities. There are things I am learning about my brother that I would not have otherwise known and I have to wonder whether this is a test that has been planned.”  
  
Nyx quietly placed the cup onto the table but looked to her feet when she spoke.  
  
“Speaking as someone who has questioned the gods countless times, I have come to hold the opinion that ultimately you are responsible for the cause, the execution and the outcome of all your actions. It would be more tolerable to think ‘why did this happen to me’ than ‘why did I do this to myself’ because you do not hold yourself accountable. We all have a purpose for being here, with our own lessons to learn, and it is my belief that these were set by yourself to fill what is lacking in your soul, so that you may grow. I could have easily put my crime and curse down to a test designed by the gods, but that would be saying I did not create my path, which I find a foolish notion. The real question you should be asking is what test is it that you have brought upon yourself and what must you take away from it.”  
  
Neither he nor his brother asked for this switch. If there were truth to her words, it would mean that somewhere, at a level beyond the physical, they had agreed for this occurrence or ‘test’ in order to learn not just about each other but about themselves. What could he himself take away from all that was happening? This was a question he had not thought to ask. Admittedly, he thought this was happening so that he could help his brother, but perhaps it was working both ways.  
  
“Now if you were asking whether your switch was performed by the gods,” Nyx began in a tone that began to lift the mood, lifting the cup back into her hands, “there is a solid trace of magic that is the handiwork of someone versed in the art. Whatever has been done by a person can always be undone by a person – it is only a matter of time.”  
  
Sensing finality to her words, Suzukaze shelved her advice to reflect upon another time. “I appreciate your ear and insight, Nyx. Thank you.”  
  
“Have you forgotten what I said about you thanking me?” She asked, eyeing him from behind her cup.  
  
“N-no, Nyx,” he said and swiftly filled his mouth with drink before an apology found its way out.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Half the army had already dispersed to return to the capital. Lady Hinoka remained to see Kamui return, sending Setsuna and Asama to make a head start. Saizou had said his goodbye to Rinkah, who forced a promise out of him into saving some of the gifts for when they next met.  
  
“Suzukaze, I would like a word.”  
  
A smile was set on Joker’s face, as was the case when Kamui was near. Without waiting for an answer the butler walked away from the party into the trees. Perhaps he had taken Silas’ advice on confronting Suzukaze directly. At least now Saizou could find out what the fuss was about.  
  
Catching up eventually, Joker whipped round, knife raised threateningly in one hand. Saizou barely managed to stop the impulse to respond in kind.  
  
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to.”  
  
Saizou was used to the masks Joker kept for Kamui and everyone else, and especially for those he disliked. Unlike the switch in Charlotte’s two sides, Joker’s personality did not amuse him.  
  
Saizou tried not to sound too bored or mocking with his reply.  
  
“I am afraid I do not understand.”  
  
Joker snorted. “Lady Kamui told me of her plans for that boorish brother of yours.”  
  
“Plans?” What plans could she have involving him?  
  
“Please, no need to play innocent. She told me everything, including all the things you said to her. Quite interesting how you will be the one to inform her of the ‘perfect opportunity’ – when exactly might that be? One has to consider if such a timing even exists with the way you gaze at her … as though you’re the one in love.”  
  
Saizou couldn’t let the words sink in fast enough.  
  
“And with the knowledge of her feelings towards him? Tell me Suzukaze, having encouraged all those feelings, how are you planning to steal my lady’s heart – from your own _twin_ of all people? Not that I’m on your brother’s side, I hardly think he’s worthy for my lady and honestly speaking, I don’t know what she sees in him.” Joker stepped forward, face inches away. “I always knew there was a streak you were hiding, that the _niceties_ were just an act. But to think your true nature would be revealed like this.”  
  
“I-I do not know what you are talking about—”  
  
“You don’t sound so convinced.” Joker raised his arm, the tip of his knife piercing the edge of his line of sight. “I’m warning you now, Suzukaze, if you or your brother hurt Lady Kamui in any way, I will destroy you. Don’t believe for one second that us being on the same side will let you get away with what you’re doing.”  
  
Saizou faintly heard Suzukaze and Joker’s names being called and with one last glare, Joker plastered on his smile and swept past.  
  
Kamui had feelings … for _him_?  
  
And Suzukaze _knew_?  
  
The conversation he had relayed, his brother’s words and Kamui’s behaviour started to slot seamlessly into place until the whole of his brother’s actions were laid out before his eyes.  
  
His whole body trembled, the leather of his gloves creaking as his fingers curled tighter into his palms.  
  
The image of Suzukaze diligently working away, without him realising, without his consent, _daring_ to assume that her advances would be welcomed, that she would be answered yes—  
  
His temper cracked.  
  
“Suzukaze. _What have you_ _done_?”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze raised his head, a feeling of disquiet making home his chest but not knowing why. Was Lady Kamui in trouble?  
  
Today his brother would return.  
  
Waiting by the lord’s quarters made him all the more anxious. He decided to take a walk, maybe back to his brother’s room where he could meditate to soothe his mind.  
  
En route while passing the streets, he diverted his steps to the tree he had not visited since the day of his brother’s departure. He had gone there in the evening of the first night but it was oddly lonely watching the view without his brother, and Suzukaze had not set his heart on going there again. It seemed fitting to wait there – his brother would surely know where to find him.  
  
The view of the town from the branches was better than that from the trunk, but Suzukaze stood at the foot of the tree anyway. What topic should he touch upon first? A report on Lord Ryouma and the invasion should take precedence, followed by one on Lady Kamui and the details of battle. All other matters must be placed aside – it was not yet time for their discussion.  
  
Suzukaze’s body tensed at the surprise presence of another at his back, nerves wound tighter when that presence emanated what he could only describe as a firestorm of resentment and fury. Last he felt something similar was in Mokushu as he assisted the long-awaited revenge against its daimyo.  
  
It was not nearly as intense now; it was in the wrong body for that.  
  
Even nature seemed to fall silent at the unnatural force, no rustle of leaves or a chirrup of birds – not even a rush of wind. Just the beating from the sun which fed the blaze.  
  
Lord Ryouma’s injury – news must have reached his brother’s ears before he could explain.  
  
Suzukaze decided to lay down the first move.  
  
“I am glad you have returned safely, brother.”  
  
Despite the tremor of his heart and the promise of wrath pressing from behind, he said his greeting in his brother’s voice with the same light zephyr of his name.  
  
“ _Little brother_. I see you have been busy behind my back.”


	9. Chapter 9

_Little brother_.  
  
A name only called when his brother was displeased with an act he specifically committed. Suzukaze had never heard it injected with so much venom, and the voice was hardly recognisable as his own. He did not dare turn; he was not yet ready to face the expression that was boring into him from the figure – _from himself_ – standing a mere yard away.  
  
The harm inflicted on Lord Ryouma affected his brother much more than he had anticipated, and he was reminded again of the aftermath of the explosion, of his brother’s helplessness and vehement will to protect his liege. It was wrong to dismiss the nightly attack as an incident that would be quickly forgiven.  
  
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”  
  
If Suzukaze was being honest, he thought he would have more time.  
  
“I knew it would reach your ears eventually. I only wish I had been the one to inform you of it first.”  
  
Compared to the tremble of his brother’s words, the texture of Suzukaze’s was smooth.  
  
“Look at me when I’m talking to you.”  
  
Suzukaze closed his eyes with a quiet sigh of resignation then turned, slowly, prolonging each step as much as possible until he faced himself fully. At first attention was to his feet, though he knew his brother would not resume their conversation without complete focus. He darted his eye up quickly as though that would lessen the impact.  
  
The deep scowl he imagined already, but he thought it incapable for the usually soft lilac to glint like pools of poison.  
  
“Explain.”  
  
Suzukaze hung his head. “I am truly sorry for my incompetence. Acting under the orders of Lord Ryouma does not excuse my involvement in the outcome.”  
  
“Orders?”  
  
His brother did not know the details, then.  
  
“I remembered your words, that should battle arise, I was not to let him out of my sight. However, Lord Ryouma insisted that I aid the people of the town and though I knew it would contradict your advice, it was fruitless trying to convince him otherwise—”  
  
“ _I am not talking of Lord Ryouma!_ ”  
  
The outburst shocked Suzukaze, jolting him into temporary panic at the realisation of not knowing the source of his brother’s anger.  
  
“I am talking of you plotting without my knowledge and encouraging Kamui to make her feelings known to me. What was it you had me say to her – ‘the outcome will be in your favour’? That you will inform her of the ‘perfect opportunity’ for the ‘most optimal result’?”  
  
_Oh._  
  
Oh, he was not at all prepared for this conversation.  
  
“Brother, let me explain—”  
  
“Suzukaze, I _demand_ you explain.”  
  
Suzukaze frantically tried to gather reasons that could convince his brother. At least starting from the beginning would help him gain some time before he had to make his case.  
  
“Lady Kamui approached me the day before our switch. She confided in me her growing affections for you and the intention to eventually confess. I was already aware you also held similar feelings for her—”  
  
“ _How?_ ”  
  
‘Instinct’ was his immediate answer, one that would not be acceptable, not when his brother’s temper was unstable. Fortunately for Suzukaze, there were other signs more tangible.  
  
“With the exception of Kagerou, I have never seen you approach any woman as frequently as you do Lady Kamui. She is second only to Lord Ryouma in successfully catching and maintaining your attention for extended periods of time. These hints added to my assumption, which would have remained as such … had it not been fortified when I saw what you keep inside the wooden chest.”  
  
His brother took a step forward. “You went through my things?”  
  
“Not intentionally!” Suzukaze said quickly, which stopped his brother’s motion. “Kagerou asked for ink and it was while I was searching through your supplies that it accidentally caught my attention. I would not have known otherwise.”  
  
The contents of the surveillance notes went unmentioned.  
  
Suzukaze expected some cutting rebuke but his brother was uncharacteristically quiet – a stillness before the roll of a storm or an eruption. Instead of waiting for his brother’s temperament to take a turn, Suzukaze asked a question of his own.  
  
“Why are you not glad?”  
  
His brother whipped his arm forward to grab Suzukaze by the collar, toppling him forward so their faces were inches from each other. Suzukaze instinctively closed his eyes – past experience taught him to bear the first blow when in a heated argument, because having his brother release his anger physically meant that at least he would be prevented from building it up inside to be unleashed as a real blaze.  
  
Nothing came. Slowly he opened his eye to see the visible conflict reflected on his own face. Whether it was because his brother was looking at himself or he had a sudden change of heart, his arm remained raised – shaking, but otherwise unmoving.  
  
With a shove Suzukaze was released, stumbling backwards until he gained balance.  
  
This surprising turn empowered Suzukaze somewhat.  
  
“Lady Kamui is reciprocating your feelings,” he pushed.  
  
“Quiet,” his brother said, but it lacked the earlier strength.  
  
“With the awareness of how she feels, you can—”  
  
“ _I said, stop._ ”  
  
Suzukaze felt a fire rising in himself, licking at his insides. His actions were justified; the two were in love with each other, so why was his brother being so stubborn? Why could he not accept the situation with gratitude?  
  
“Why _are_ you not glad, brother?”  
  
Suzukaze received a glare.  
  
“Why? I found my brother prying. In what world did you think I would be ‘glad’ to find you interfering in my affairs?”  
  
Anger flared through his chest. “In a world where we are brothers! I could not idly stand by knowing what I know without doing _something_. What other route could I have taken?”  
  
“You could have stayed out of it and let me deal with it on my own!”  
  
“And allow you to reject her for no reason? Judging from your reaction, I assume that is the course you would have taken. How does one contain their feelings – or worse, push it away? It is beyond my comprehension how you manage. I could not do what you do – the very idea of restraining myself from ever revealing my own feelings towards Ka—”  
  
Suzukaze stopped himself but the flash of emotion reflected back at him in his own eyes warned him it was too late.  
  
“Finish that sentence, Suzukaze,” his brother ordered, voice so dangerously low it even sounded like him.  
  
Suzukaze almost refused. Their conversation was in unpredicted territory. In an ideal situation, it would be long after they had returned to their own bodies, and his lady and his brother were happily together before he would tentatively hint the idea to his brother. All secrets he had kept were now a tangled mess he could not begin to untwine.  
  
Helped by his newfound emotion, he allowed his feelings to materialise for the first time. “My own feelings towards Kagerou.”  
  
“Have you lost your mind?!” Suzukaze stood his ground without a wince at the outburst. “Not content to meddle in my life, you pursue your own interests? Have you forgotten what’s happened to us – or is that not a concern to you any more—”  
  
“Nyx and I have been working to find a solution—”  
  
“—Gods, is that why you allowed Lord Ryouma to come to harm, because you were too … _preoccupied_?”  
  
“How could you suggest I would not take my role seriously? I was saving those vulnerable to attack, as Lord Ryouma ordered!”  
  
His brother was not taking in his words, instead muttering something to himself. He suddenly looked up. “No, Suzukaze. I won’t stand for this.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Suzukaze asked, narrowing his eyes – it was then he realised his dead eye was open.  
  
“Your … _feelings_. How do you know what you feel for her is your own? Who’s not to say you’re reviving what I once felt? You’re in _my_ body, when we fought each other, we fought as our bodies are used to. How can you tell your emotions are even real?”  
  
Something snapped.  
  
Behind every opposing opinion his brother gave a reason, one based on common sense and experience. His brother never coated words nor was roundabout in his manner of talking, not caring the sting it may cause the listener so long as he believed what he said to be the truth. That was something Suzukaze could always count on.  
  
What his brother said now sounded unreal to his ears, a falsehood spoken to hide his true thoughts.  
  
“That is a low blow, brother. I would have at least expected you to tell me directly you are against us being together.”  
  
“What are you saying?”  
  
“I refuse to believe what I think and feel is a lie!”  
  
“For gods’ sake, Suzukaze, listen to yourself! You’re acting out of character, led on by what my body is telling you and you don’t even realise it!”  
  
“What has you so against the idea of us forming a relationship?”  
  
“I haven’t said anything of—”  
  
“I doubt the reason is you harbouring a hidden flame, I can see it has long been extinguished. What then – because you think I am unworthy of her? Or is it petty jealousy, knowing I will care for her more than you ever did and you cannot watch me succeed where you failed?”  
  
He almost felt proud in out-arguing his brother, driving home his point … until he watched his own face twist in a pained grimace and his conscience alerted him it was one step too far.  
  
Suzukaze took in a breath, then another, each heave of air pushing down his ire until he was calm enough to replay the conversation and realise the full extent of all he had said.  
  
Even so, for once, he could not find it in himself to retract his words.  
  
“You say those things in ignorance.” Spoken mildly in dejection, Suzukaze finally recognised something of himself since his body had been occupied.  
  
“Then please, _tell me_.”  
  
Suzukaze believed he had beaten his brother down enough to be rewarded with whatever it was his brother was clearly holding back. His brother even looked to almost break down under the soft and desperate plea.  
  
“No _._ ”  
  
The fragile moment, gone. Their eyes locked. Suzukaze saw the glaze of an emotionless wall being put up by his brother.  
  
Any means of attempting to draw out information would be ineffective.  
  
“I understand,” Suzukaze said, taking a step back. They had spent long enough talking and Lord Ryouma would be awaiting his return.  
  
“ _Suzukaze—!_ ”  
  
That was all he heard before he disappeared to Lord Ryouma’s side.  



	10. Chapter 10

“Nyx!” Saizou called, not allowing the door respite from the continued banging of his fist. “ _Nyx!_ ”  
  
At last he was granted access with Nyx stood wearing a small frown. He pushed past.  
  
“It’s been three weeks already, you must have found something by now,” he began, not waiting for her to close the door.  
  
“We may have, yes.” His agitation was countered with calm.  
  
“Well? You’re the ‘all-powerful’ sorcerer of the army, why haven’t you done anything?” He paced across the room; Nyx was keeping careful space from him.  
  
“I won’t deny it but there’s nothing for us to do when only one of you is present. Do you have a reason for the urgency?”  
  
“Look at me – I’m stuck in Suzukaze’s body! Lord Ryouma was attacked, and Suzukaze—”  
  
Saizou wasn’t about to let out the real reason for his outburst or that everything he painfully managed to keep together over the past week was crumbling.  
  
“ _Fix this_ ,” he spat, closing the gap between them. “With your so-called ‘greatness’ you should be able to do something without him here!”  
  
Even with him towering over her, she stared up without so much as a flinch or loss of grip on her own temper.  
  
“You seem to have difficulty hearing so I will say it again slowly – regarding the switch there is nothing for us to do when only one of you is present. Unless you are willing to drag your brother back from Hoshido, we can only bide our time.” She paused. “There is, however, something I _am_ able to do.”  
  
Sparks of light hit him squarely in the chest, sending him toppling until the backs of his legs hit the edge of the bed and sent him falling onto the quilt.  
  
“Refreshing as it is to see Suzukaze be so demanding, there’s a distinct line between boldness and impudence and I’m not so fond of the latter.”  
  
Nyx paced up to him with slow, purposeful steps as Saizou tried to push himself up – his body wasn’t responding to his command. His limbs were like dead weights and it took everything for him not to collapse onto his back.  
  
“What did you do to me?” He dropped to the side, propping his body with his elbow. Each second drained him of strength, and soon his arm gave way.  
  
“I find that in many instances the main cause of anger is something quite simple – an empty stomach or, in your case, lack of sleep.”  
  
His breathing was slowing, and his eyelids were steel blinds he couldn’t keep open any longer.  
  
“What you are able to do … is rest.”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
The sight of Hoshido was almost too brilliant for Suzukaze after weeks in the astral realm. Every season held a swash of bright colour, and over the coming weeks the light yellows would lose their pigment to white. He associated his village with earthy greens and browns, Nohr with blues and blacks. The astral realm held a myriad of colours toned down into pastel hues.  
  
Nowhere had the gloom that surrounded his person. Even the uplifting atmosphere that usually made his spirit lighter could barely raise it now.  
  
It had been half an hour since he left – almost six hours for his brother – and his heart was laden with guilt. What possessed him to say those barbs which inflicted blatant pain on his brother.  
  
How he wished he could retrace his steps and apologise – better yet, erase all he had said.  
  
“I will not be too long.” Suzukaze raised his head at Lord Ryouma’s comment. “After Sakura has examined my wounds, hopefully for what will be a final time, I will meet with Takumi and Hinoka to be updated on the affairs during my absence. I hope to depart by evening.”  
  
“Yes, my lord.”  
  
Suzukaze watched the prince disappear into the castle, then prepared himself to follow.  
  
“Saizou,” Kagerou called. “What passed between you and Suzukaze? You have been acting oddly.”  
  
Nothing between the astral realm and the castle was registered in his head so he could not quite place what behaviour had been ‘odd’.  
  
“It was nothing.” Suzukaze was about to leave the conversation there, but the urge to speak was too strong. “I … regret speaking too harshly to him.”  
  
“That is nothing new.”  
  
Suzukaze was slightly taken aback at the response but shook his head. “You don’t understand. My words to him … I overstepped a line. I’m not sure it’s something he could forgive.”  
  
Kagerou seemed unaffected by this explanation. “We cannot to afford our minds to wander in Hoshido, where the dangers are far greater than in the astral realm. I have heard you say those words before but all is normal between you two when you next meet.”  
  
What other times had his brother displayed regret because of something he had said? Suzukaze tried to recall of a time when his brother had been especially harsh; the results showed nothing.  
  
“Your brother understands everything you say is out of concern, this time will be no different. He will bear no grudge. If your mind is so addled, perhaps it is best you see to the recruits.”  
  
Kagerou left before Suzukaze could say anything. She was right – the dangers were greater in this world unprotected from the mysterious protection of the astral realm. Suzukaze was left not exactly better, but curious as to how such a simple exchange with her helped ease his mind.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Saizou dreamt of darkness, hostile at first until in the distance he could hear undecipherable murmurs. Comforting. Familiar.  
  
It took some time for him to pin the owner of the voice down to Kamui – by then the sounds faded into black, pulling along with it his half-awakened consciousness.  
  
When he was next aware, sleep had released its hold. He was still in darkness, but it was not the solid black of his dreams.  
  
His shoulder also ached. Whatever healing done by Asama had been undone by the forceful lift of his arm as he readied to pummel Suzukaze, and though the revelation, betrayal, confession, anger, hurt came back to him in pieces, their initial razor edge was blurred from slumber. All he could feel from the remnants of the overwhelming emotions was the dull throb of defeat.  
  
“Has sleep cleared your head?”  
  
Saizou pushed himself up with a groan, running a hand through his hair to push it out of his face, only for his fringe to fall over his eyes again.  
  
“How long have I been out?”  
  
“Throughout the best part of the day.”  
  
A single lamp by her chair was lit to cover the room in an amber glow and a quick look through the window revealed dusk merging with night.  
  
He turned to find a warm drink held out for him.  
  
“Tea?” he asked, taking the saucer and looking at the unfamiliar milky liquid. He also noticed the biscuit placed there, but made no comment.  
  
“Coffee. It would be black, if you weren’t Suzukaze.”  
  
Saizou took a sip of the drink that had a hint of bitterness. He didn’t dislike the taste.  
  
He swallowed his pride with the mouthful. “… I apologise. I was irrational.”  
  
She hummed in agreement. “What did he do?”  
  
“He … tried to help,” Saizou said, speaking to the cup, “and I never gave him the reason why he shouldn’t.” He then remembered more of the exchange and added, “Among other things.”  
  
Quiet enveloped him. He was beginning to understand why Suzukaze made frequent visits here. Something about the room, or her presence, made him feel at ease. She made judgements to measure outcomes, not to criticise a person’s actions or character. It echoed of Kagerou.  
  
Or it could be to do with her being the sole person here who he could talk to as himself.  
  
“I’m not sure it’s much in the way of consolation but you’re not the only person to be ruffled by his continual urge to help.”  
  
Saizou snorted without humour. “You have boundaries he can’t cross. There are none when you’re family.”  
  
Although much of what happened could have been avoided if they were able to communicate. He could have confided in Suzukaze. Suzukaze could have discussed his observations. They could have deliberated options.  
  
He was reminded of that night by the campfire.  
  
_My title … no,_ I _am at fault. I created this_.  
  
“I wouldn’t say that.”  
  
When he glanced to Nyx her attention was elsewhere to give her a look of nonchalance.  
  
“It’s interesting how people say you two are nothing alike, yet you both share the trait of holding yourself completely responsible and keeping troubles to yourself.”  
  
Saizou grunted his affirmation. “It’s something that needs work,” he said while pushing himself off the bed, draining the cup and placing it on the table.  
  
“I appreciate the …” he gestured to mimic the spell hitting his chest. “I won’t disturb you until he returns.”  
  
“Everything _is_ ready,” Nyx reassured. “All we need is your brother.”  
  
“I know.” He was about to leave when her hardened glare stopped him in his tracks. He glanced back at the saucer and resigned under the pressure and also the secret longing to obey his brother’s body to take the biscuit, then left the sorcerer in peace.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
The angle from the trees allowed Suzukaze to Lord Ryouma having his discussion with Lady Hinoka and Lord Takumi through the open doors. Setsuna was also sitting outside, staring into space and some sort of verbal contest was happening between Hinata and Oboro.  
  
“Everything seems well,” Kagerou appeared to sit beside him. He had heard the shifting branches a few trees away and had been waiting for her to rejoin him. “Including your humour.”  
  
Suzukaze would not go so far as to say it was ‘well’. Certainly improved, however, even if by a degree.  
  
“If Suzukaze is as affected as you think he is, it would do him good to have the few days to cool his head.”  
  
“Or it could affect him worse,” Suzukaze muttered. It all depended on whether his brother would fixate on it or distractions would keep his mind occupied.  
  
“Suzukaze isn’t unreasonable unlike—”  
  
“Saizou!”  
  
Orochi was crossing the small bridge over the pond, nearing the trees in which they perched.  
  
She was the one person he was determined to avoid – her cards and divination could expose all.  
  
Beside him, Kagerou was getting ready to jump.  
  
“Don’t mention I’m here!” Suzukaze hissed.  
  
Kagerou gave him a sharp look. “Why, what have you done?”  
  
Suzukaze went through a list of feeble excuses he could use; Kagerou’s patience did not appear to be generous.  
  
“I will speak no lies to my friend,” she said and dropped down from the branches.  
  
Suzukaze himself dropped into despair as he watched the two women interact below.  
  
“Kagerou! Have you seen Saizou?”  
  
“… Not on ground.”  
  
“But you’ve spoken to him?”  
  
“Earlier, yes.”  
  
“Was there something strange you noticed about him? Did he seem suspicious?”  
  
“I would be lying if I said he wasn’t acting strange, although he explained it was due to an argument with Suzukaze. What has you riled?”  
  
“If you didn’t notice anything …” Orochi sighed, looking down at her cards as she thumbed them one by one. “I fear these may have reached their end.”  
  
“It was only the other day you were saying they have never worked better.”  
  
“I _know_. There was a burst of energy from these after you replaced the missing card … perhaps without its original member an imbalance in power is creating an incorrect reading.”  
  
“Orochi, you have yet to explain what is the matter.”  
  
“You’re aware of how I like to do a quick reading for those in camp. Well, I did a reading earlier after hearing of your arrival and all readings were normal … except for one.”  
  
Suzukaze found himself holding his breath. Readings for the nobles he could understand; he didn’t think she would do a reading for all.  
  
“Saizou?” Kagerou’s voice had an edge that gave him warning.  
  
“I cannot make sense of it. Usually the cards connect with each other and reveal a similar answer if I decide to reconfirm the reading. None of the cards for Saizou’s reading made any sense, and then when I tried a second and third time, different cards show with absolutely no line of thought!”  
  
“But you say it was normal for others. That must mean the cards are not at fault.”  
  
Orochi contemplated the idea. “You’re right, it _must_ be Saizou. What has the cards playing up this way? I must go and find him for a thorough reading – thank you, friend!”  
  
Orochi ran off shouting his brother’s name.  
  
“What, in your opinion, did it mean?” Kagerou asked.  
  
Suzukaze could only think of one thing.  
  
“Cards can’t always be relied upon,” he ended their conversation.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Saizou was beginning to forget what it was like to have someone call him by name.  
  
After leaving Nyx’s room, he retired to Suzukaze’s, unfolding the futon for a naturally induced sleep. The second time he woke was in the early hours of the morning, groggy and over-rested.  
  
He now sat by the pier contemplating his situation alongside a small boat tied nearby bobbing in the quiet morning air.  
  
“Are you all right?”  
  
He looked up to find Kamui leaning over him.  
  
“I apologise, milady. Did you need assistance?”  
  
He prepared to push himself up only to stop when Kamui sat down.  
  
“Though I haven’t known Ryouma for as long as my family in Nohr, I worry about his safety when he’s gone. I worry about all my brothers and sisters when they’re away.”  
  
She spoke out to the rippling water while Saizou watched her.  
  
“You always come here when you’re parted from your brother.”  
  
That he didn’t know. He followed an invisible pull to this place and settled down, letting the water calm his restlessness. Suzukaze must have been reminded of happier days from their childhood when they used to fish together.  
  
“I know he is capable but I cannot help be concerned,” Saizou said as Suzukaze, then began speaking as himself. “I … also hope his work is unaffected from accusations I now regret saying to him before he left.”  
  
“I’m sure he’s aware you say all you say because you care for him.”  
  
“I would be inclined to agree if his current condition was ... not volatile.”  
  
“Volatile?”  
  
He needed to tread carefully. “His emotions are mixed due to … a recent assignment. I fear there is a chance my words wounded him beyond recovery.”  
  
Though Saizou had experience of Suzukaze’s rage, one of a child was lesser compared to that of an adult. He’d like to think Suzukaze would show his usual forgiving nature but with his behaviour during the argument, Saizou had no lead for predicting his brother’s actions; it made him all the more uneasy.  
  
“Well, from what I know of him, I think even if he were to act out of character his conscience wouldn’t let his emotions take full reign. The meaning behinds your would gradually sink in and he would come to his senses regardless of how volatile he may be from … the assignment.”  
  
He viewed her from the corner of his eyes as she stared ahead and oblivious to being the subject of his attention – there it was again, something in her words that snagged him, stronger now that his head was rid of the jealousy from that night in her tent. Was the instinct his or Suzukaze’s? His accusation to Suzukaze about being unable to differentiate between his own thought and the will of his body had him questioning everything he did.  
  
“Perhaps you are right,” he eventually replied. “I should place more faith in him.”  
  
A small smile appeared on her face, a hidden secret he wasn’t privy to. Instead of thinking too deeply, he followed her lead and let his mind drift along with the water.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze stood before his brother’s room.  
  
It was illogical to be hesitant when he was his brother and had been sent here by Oboro to bring her his dress clothes so they could be adjusted while she had time to spare.  
  
He slid the door open into the darkened room, the air stale from being unoccupied. It was less devoid of character than the temporary residence of the astral realm, the room allocated to him even before his permanent move to the capital after their father’s death.  
  
Suzukaze set himself to finding the dress clothes amongst the additional furbishing, ‘the blue one you dislike the least’ being the sole description. The large chest of drawers contained only daily wear and work outfits so Suzukaze eyed the next possible location – the trunk double the size of the wooden chest he became so used to seeing. Setting aside the cases of weapons and polishing gear stacked on top, he opened the trunk to find wrapping cloths and in them, dress clothes.  
  
Next came the predicament.  
  
Two out of the many dress clothes (which was surprising, until Suzukaze remembered the number of times he had seen Oboro successfully capture and drag his brother to be a mannequin for the current trend of clothes) were patterned blue.  
  
Suzukaze sat down before them, eying one to the other. ‘The blue one you dislike the least’ – he felt like he was being tested.  
  
Should he pick the wrong one, he could always say he changed his mind.  
  
“It deserves more thought,” Suzukaze muttered and looked around the room. There was a boxed shelf in the corner covered with a textile – plain navy which told him nothing of the pattern his brother would prefer, but maybe a clue lay hidden.  
  
The bottom shelf contained another bundle wrapped in cloth, but it was the additional trinkets on the top shelf Suzukaze could not help but stare at.  
  
Three books dogged and worn shelved in the corner of stories read to them as children. A decorative scarf folded carefully, same pattern as his own except in colours to match his brother, given by Oboro on their birthday. A hand-knitted doll resembling a certain red-haired shinobi rested carefully on top.  
  
Two spinning tops they had played with when they were children, which Suzukaze automatically reached out to, one green, one red.  
  
These should not be here. These should have been lost in the forest back home after he had thrown them in a fit of rage – one incident out of the scarce few he could count on one hand, including the most recent.  
  
He had forgotten what the argument was about. Most likely something trivial, as were the case with a child’s fight. It was the one time (at that time) his temper had bested his brother’s and he had thrown the toys – the closest thing he could grab at the time – and flung them into the trees. He remembered he also said something upsetting then that drove his brother to silence.  
  
They spent the rest of the day apart where Suzukaze fretted his brother would hate him and never forgive him again. They ate dinner in silence, conversations between their parents spoken in hushed tones as they sensed friction. At dawn, his brother had come up to him and asked if he was interested in seeing a frog that had visited the porch and their argument had been forgotten.  
  
His brother had changed in many ways since then, but just as many traits remained. As Suzukaze replaced the green spinning top, he hoped that maybe his brother would forgive him a second time for his verbal attack.  
  
A quick check inside the wrapping and he found another set of dress clothes which he automatically knew would be to his brother’s preference – blue with patterns so subtle it would only be visible under the right reflection of light.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
The following morning, Saizou was invited to breakfast.  
  
It wasn’t a Sunday. Nonetheless, Kamui called for him and asked he join her, and he had no reason to refuse so he agreed.  
  
Today, she was quiet. Unable to read her, he asked if something was wrong. She shook her head, reassuring him she was fine and not fully recovered from battle. He offered to leave, she asked him to stay, and there they were, food consumed and sipping tea in silence.  
  
“Lady Kamui, may I ask a personal question?” Saizou folded under its pressure.  
  
He waited to be denied – almost prayed for it as soon as the question escaped his lips because there was no turning back once it was out.  
  
“Anything you like.”  
  
He knew she wouldn’t say no.  
  
“I wondered what it was that you saw in … my brother.”  
  
This bothered him. He didn’t show her kindness and brushed away hers without care, so why should she hold any sort of interest?  
  
Kamui put her cup down slowly. Saizou was about to apologise for overstepping his position.  
  
“Everyone knows his reputation as the most fearsome ninja alive. He can be physically and mentally intimidating. He has a keen eye and keeps his face concealed, and his words are – it makes me laugh to say this – blunt and sharp at the same time.  
  
“But I started to notice his actions. Sometimes he tried to distract me from the situation by speaking roughly and sometimes he worked in the shadows to hide what he was doing. I did my fair share of surveying, though probably not a match to his. He puts everything he does down to coincidence so no one would think he went out of his way. He gauges everyone’s strengths and weaknesses, and does everything to convert the weaknesses to strengths.”  
  
She looked up to meet his eyes. “It’s as though he doesn’t want to be appreciated, but I want to thank him every day. He doesn’t want affection, but I want to express my lo—”  
  
Saizou coughed, turning away to clear his throat and drinking down the tea to collect himself while controlling his expression behind the cup. It was too much to listen to her further. “I’m sorry, milady, I … think a loose leaf became stuck in my throat.”  
  
He cleared his throat to make it more convincing. Once he was confident he could keep his face blank, he resumed their conversation.  
  
“I was not aware you were watching so closely. It … warms me to hear you see him in another light.” He paused. “But what if you are told he does not want your affection?”  
  
Kamui’s brows creased in thought, rather than at the dismal prospect.  
  
“I won’t know until I tell him – tell everything to him face to face,” she said determinedly. “That can be when he decides whether to accept my love – or reject it. But even if I am rejected, unless it’s with good reason, I’ll pursue him until he accepts. He’s not the only stubborn one in camp.”  
  
Saizou couldn’t help but smile at her answer.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
The announcement to leave Hoshido came far too soon for Suzukaze. He had forgotten his original purpose for being in his brother’s room, sitting crouched over the old books with thoughts lost in fond memories of old Hoshidan folklores. It was at the call of his name from Oboro that Suzukaze remembered he needed to give the clothes to her, and he quickly hid the books in their original place, waking out to bump into her.  
  
“What took you so long? I was beginning to think you’d run away again.” Oboro asked, taking the bundle off his hands. “Lord Ryouma’s getting ready to leave.”  
  
Suzukaze grunted an acknowledgement as she strode past. “I’ll make sure to have these ready by the next formal dinner.”  
  
“Formal dinner?”  
  
“The one next month. You’ve been invited again.”  
  
His brother was going to be displeased at that notification; he decided it best to keep this information quiet until the last minute.  
  
Once he had returned to the lord’s side, he thanked his fortune in not meeting Orochi along the way. In the courtyard was Lady Sakura who had brought Lilith persimmons from one of the orchards.  
  
“Will we not be leaving Hoshido via our entry?” Suzukaze asked.  
  
“I’ve asked that we leave quietly from the castle and return here by morning. I don’t wish to create distress among the people because their prince is constantly absent.”  
  
“Understandable, my lord.”  
  
“It seems word has yet to reach Kagerou of our departure.” Suzukaze remained facing Lord Ryouma, eyes to the ground as he waited. “Saizou, there’s something I have been wanting to say to you.”  
  
“My lord? Have my actions caused offence?”  
  
Lord Ryouma continued to stare on at gardens. “Nothing like that. No, I wanted to … share a thought. That amidst all the fighting, it’s easy to forget the true meaning of living. Should circumstances offer you opportunity to feel genuine joy, you should not hesitate to take it. These things are what illuminates the truest desires of the heart and purpose for your existence.”  
  
These words resounded of advice concerning the decision his brother would have to make at Lady Kamui’s confession. If only his brother could have been here in his stead, he would unquestionably have been guided to follow his heart instead of what duty beckoned.  
  
“I thank you, my lord, for bestowing me with your generous words.”  
  
“My lord, apologies for keeping you waiting,” Kagerou interrupted from behind.  
  
“No apologies are needed,” his lord replied, shifting from his position. “If your affairs are settled, we will make our way.”  
  
Kagerou made no acknowledgement to Suzukaze as she followed Lord Ryouma to the grounds, which was well for Suzukaze because he was unsure if he could concentrate on his brother’s impression with his heart bounding harder in his chest at the prospect of facing his brother. A quick calculation told him it would be evening in the astral realm. Would his brother be awaiting his arrival or would Suzukaze have to go in search for a ninja who did not want to be found?  
  
A bright light flashed before him and when he next blinked he was back in the crepuscular surroundings of the astral realm. His eye needed additional adjustment to the change in light intensity.  
  
“There is no need for you to be on duty tomorrow,” Lord Ryouma said. “In fact it is likely we will prepare for more battles in the upcoming days so I strongly urge you spend the day in rest.”  
  
With their acknowledgement, they were dismissed.  
  
“Saizou, I would like—”  
  
“Kagerou! I’ve been waiting for you!”  
  
Pieri bounded up to Kagerou. “We arrived ten minutes ago! I’ve been waiting so we can drink tea together!”  
  
“Pieri,” Kagerou glanced at Suzukaze quickly before turning back to the Nohrian, “not that I am against having tea with you but perhaps a later time will be—”  
  
“You don’t want to drink tea with me?” The rejection flipped a switch to turn her smile into a frown. “You don’t want to eat the cakes I baked?”  
  
“No, Pieri, that’s not—”  
  
Suzukaze could see the telltale sheen to Pieri’s eyes threatening outbreak of tears. “You said you would make tea again next time we met! You promised you would make a different Hoshidan tea that was easier to drink!”  
  
“P-Pieri … you are right,” Kagerou relented. “I have readied tealeaves that may be more to your taste.”  
  
Pieri sniffed. “So we'll go and drink tea now?”  
  
Kagerou gave a nod. “We will go now.”  
  
Taking Kagerou’s arm in hers, Pieri half skipped, half dragged Kagerou away, leaving Suzukaze staring after them with a confused smile.  
  
Briefly forgotten apprehension hit him with the pounding resuming in his chest as he acknowledged his brother’s attention from behind; the commotion concealed his presence but with the distractions gone it was as pronounced as the clamour of the emergency bell.  
  
Footsteps approached until his brother was visible beside him.  
  
“Suzukaze. Let’s talk.”


	11. Chapter 11

The short trip to their spot was made in silence. Saizou led, dashing and flitting across rooftops until they became sparse and then he leapt between trees; Suzukaze was one step behind as always. At least with the forest quiet and their surroundings shaded in the setting sun, they would instinctively lower their voices unlike their last encounter – the chance of someone passing by this area was slim though not zero, and it had been a miracle no one overheard their fight and sought the racket.  
  
At their usual tree he leapt down. Branches rustled above and then a faint thud shortly followed.  
  
Ensuring several paces between them, he turned to face Suzukaze – to himself. He wasn’t going to turn his back on this conversation; nonetheless, he was glad the evening half obscured their features.  
  
“You said you wanted to know.”  
  
Saizou waited until the mask was removed and tucked away, and his face uncovered.  
  
“So ask.”  
  
A thoughtful frown – Suzukaze was choosing his starting question. Saizou was sure he already knew what it would be.  
  
“Do you love Lady Kamui?”  
  
It was so simple; Suzukaze didn’t waste time to gather information.  
  
“Right to the heart of the matter,” Saizou muttered, then sighed. “The answer is yes.”  
  
He saw surprise flashing across his own face. Presumably Suzukaze didn’t expect an answer to be given so easily and it made Saizou briefly wonder if everything could have been easily resolved had they bothered to be man enough to ask what they wanted and say what they felt.  
  
“Why do you not tell her?”  
  
Saizou also predicted this question to follow. Even after serious consideration he hadn’t formed a fitting reply.  
  
“Because it’s what I decided.”  
  
“Surely there’s a reason for your decision?”  
  
It was stupid to hope Suzukaze would be derailed.  
  
“… You’re right. In order for you to understand … you’ll have to know the story behind Kagerou and I.”  
  
Another baffled look. Saizou pushed on.  
  
“I never told you why our relationship ended. It’s probably no surprise, but the way we both worked left no room for compromise – we were both too stubborn. It’s only now, years after we first started working together, that we’re remotely starting to accept each other’s methods and manoeuvre around them. But at that time we were younger … less experienced.  
  
“Kagerou was the one who made the break.”  
  
No one had known they were together, so naturally no one had known when they weren’t – except Orochi and Suzukaze. Looking back now, the decision not to tell Lord Ryouma was likely because they had been secretly afraid it wouldn’t last.  
  
Kagerou had been afraid. He had been confident that they could plough through somehow, like they did everything else.  
  
“Because of the differences in your ways of thinking?” Suzukaze encouraged gently.  
  
“Because of my way of thinking. She wasn’t willing to further the relationship to a point where we would be a family, knowing I would only choose one path.”  
  
Her words echoed more than ever.  
  
_“What if it came down to the ultimate choice? I understand your position the most but I am unable to imagine a situation where I would willingly abandon my family without fighting for their safety. This is what I mean when I talk of weighing costs and minimising sacrifice – your method can only lead to one ending because in your mind there is only one worth protecting.”_  
  
_“Then I will not let there be an option.”_  
  
That was before he knew Kamui existed. Even with her arrival he thought nothing of it until she had found her way into the centre of his life, her position almost rivalling that of Lord Ryouma.  
  
“Kagerou was right,” Saizou continued. “I would only ever have Lord Ryouma in mind. I don’t know if I would try, even with my own blood, if it meant for one second that his safety would be jeopardised.”  
  
He wasn’t fit to become a husband; a father was out of the question. In the future maybe, but not now, not while battles became increasingly arduous, while they constantly wrestled with death.  
  
“That is your only concern?”  
  
“ _Only?_ ” Saizou spat, anger spiking at his inner conflict since the realisation of his attraction being brushed aside as insignificant.  
  
“I apologise, brother, I do not mean to belittle your concern. But clarify for my sake – you speak as though you fight alone when there are so many others alongside you. If your concern is for Lady Kamui’s safety, then do you not trust me as her retainer to keep her safe?”  
  
“That’s not the point! What if you’re engaged elsewhere?”  
  
“Then I swear I will remain by her side.”  
  
“I don’t want you risking your life when the role should rest with me.”  
  
“Yet you are allowed to willingly risk your own?”  
  
“ _I must._ That’s why it’s better for me to be alone.”  
  
“What would father say if he heard you now?”  
  
Saizou lost all words to retaliate at the mention of a man he last expected to enter this conversation.  
  
“Father was in exactly the same position as you, and still he met, and married, and loved mother. Are you saying that he was not taking his role as a retainer to the King seriously? You speak as though bearing this burden is exclusive to you, yet there are four others before you who have proven that it is possible to protect their liege, all whilst protecting their family. You and I are a living proof of that, brother.”  
  
It had never occurred for him to see things from that light. Their father had not been an irresponsible man, as a retainer, husband or father.  
  
“If what you say is the only reason stopping you, it is no reason at all. You have our father’s flare – should the situation ever arise, you would never make a decision without a fight. Kagerou may have been right about your way of thinking, but she has never felt the full force of your passion … perhaps that was what was lacking in your relationship. Your care for Kagerou is incomparable to what you feel now for Lady Kamui, and your past decision was impulsively made based on the pain of separation, unknowing of the true depth of love you would one day feel.”  
  
Suzukaze’s words sounded like they were plucked out of one of his novels, except Saizou knew everything he said came directly from the heart. All his points rang true—  
  
Saizou physically shook the thought out of his head.  
  
“I won’t go back on my word.”  
  
Suzukaze visibly slumped at the answer. Saizou didn’t know he could look so defeated.  
  
“Brother, you are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to _change_ —”  
  
“Our father and his father before him, all the way to the very first Saizou, they all lived during a more stable time. It wasn’t peace, but there was no imminent threat. Look at where we are – we’re in the midst of war. It was only a few days ago where, if I hadn’t been there, Kamui could have potentially lost her life. What if Lord Ryouma had been on the other side of the street facing the exact same threat and I was the only one overseeing them both? Starting a relationship now, there’s too much at stake.”  
  
“Would that be your fear?”  
  
The remark would have come out snide had he been the one to say it, but with Suzukaze in control of his body it came out an innocent question.  
  
“I can’t risk complications,” he struggled.  
  
“When have you ever been stopped by obstacles?”  
  
Saizou closed his eyes as each point was struck down by another question. “Suzukaze, please, try to understand my position—”  
  
“I have spent my life trying to understand your position. I have spent weeks in your position, thinking of your position, living and breathing your position. Would you like to know my honest opinion? What you do for Lord Ryouma and what I do for Lady Kamui are identical. It is mindset – I take my role of retainer as seriously as you for your title. So brother, you will have to give me something more convincing.”  
  
“If you fail to be convinced then that is your problem, but you will not change my mind!”  
  
Saizou tensed, quickly scanning their environment. He could sense no one.  
  
Taking a moment to control his volume, he continued. “Your mindset shouldn’t be identical to mine, I already spoke to you about this—”  
  
“But it is something you cannot change and will have to respect.”  
  
The determination reflected in his eye told Saizou that his brother wouldn’t relent. “We can’t have this conversation as each other. That body you’re in has spent a lifetime being conditioned to protect only one. Your argument is invalid if a single ounce of that is influencing your judgement.”  
  
This quietened his brother. With no more points Suzukaze could raise, their conversation was coming to a close.  
  
“As to your interest in Kagerou, I don’t have any dispute as long as what you think and feel is truly yours. But should that mindset you speak of also be yours, then one day she will ask you to choose as she did me, and you’ll have to make a choice.” Saizou inhaled deeply. “I’ve said all I can say. If you’re done—”  
  
“Lord Ryouma.”  
  
Saizou frowned at the quiet utterance.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Lord Ryouma has given you his blessing.”  
  
Saizou suspected that if he had not been swayed by Suzukaze so far, what he was about to say next might. He should leave while he could; even Suzukaze was giving him the chance by waiting for a sign to continue.  
  
His feet were rooted to the ground. “… What do you mean.”  
  
“Lady Kamui spoke of her intentions to a handful of people. I was informed because I am your brother and she wanted to be sure I would support your relationship. Joker and Silas because they have sworn to serve her and she respects their opinions. And finally Lord Ryouma, because he is your prince and she is aware of your position.”  
  
Suzukaze began to close in on him – in distance and argument. “If anyone is to understand what your title entails, it is Lord Ryouma. That you must put him before all – including yourself, including those you love. Yet, he has agreed to support Kamui in her decision and has given you permission to give weight to your own happiness. Had he not been confident you would also place her first – if not before him then at least as his equal – he would not have readily agreed. Joker has suggested it was due to the lord not wishing to drive his long lost sister away through opposing her intentions, but you and I know the Prince of Hoshido is not so small-minded.”  
  
With one pace left between them, Suzukaze stopped. “When you are ordered to explain yourself, will the argument you just gave me convince your lord?”  
  
Lord Ryouma wasn’t the type of person to force his authority onto others concerning personal matters. Regardless of whether he agreed or disagreed, the decision would ultimately fall to Saizou. The lord may show disappointment but he would respect the answer given and the issue would come to a close.  
  
_Should_ come to a close … but no, his lord would not be convinced. And unless Saizou could, Lord Ryouma would hold himself partially accountable and Saizou wasn’t sure he could face him daily while knowing of the unspoken regret.  
  
“I am not asking you to decide now,” Suzukaze continued. “However, if you hold even a speck of desire to be with Lady Kamui then I beg you give the idea careful consideration, not as Saizou the fifth, but as Saizou, a man.”  
  
Gods damn his brother who could calculate his thoughts, and damn his brother doubly for being better at unearthing secrets than he, Saizou the fifth, was at burying them.  
  
And gods damn _him_ along with his brother, for letting his own flame flicker and be swayed by the fickle whispers of the cool breeze.  
  
“… I’ll keep your request in mind.”  
  
A fleeting thought of whether he was responding as himself or as Suzukaze who always took orders from his brother passed his mind.  
  
The determination Suzukaze had been wearing slackened into something more kind. “That is all I ask, brother. And with regards to my behaviour during our last meeting—”  
  
“It’s late,” Saizou cut in. He already knew Suzukaze would place the whole blame on himself and he listened to him for long enough today. “We need rest if we’re to face whatever Nyx has in store for us tomorrow.”  
  
“… Yes, brother. Should we meet here at the usual time?”  
  
“No, we’ll go directly to her room. We need all the time we can spare.”  
  
Suzukaze bowed his head. “Of course.”  
  
Saizou turned his back to Suzukaze. “Rest well, brother,” he said before disappearing.


	12. Chapter 12

“Are you two ready?”  
  
Suzukaze inhaled deeply and held his breath, trying to steady himself. Anticipation, fear, nerves, all emotions were crudely mixed under the accelerating pounding in his chest. Whether Hoshidan or Nohrian, spells always put him on edge, especially when they were being cast on him.  
  
“We’re losing time,” his brother said, impatience obvious in his tone.  
  
Suzukaze silently released his breath. “If you would, Nyx.”  
  
Nyx looked like she wanted to say something – a reassuring word or a note of caution, Suzukaze imagined – but with a final look from him to his brother, she picked up a tome from the pile and turned to the marked page that contained the spell of their first attempt.  
  
She began her chant, language unrecognisable to Suzukaze, monotonous and level. The air became charged, strands of light sparking and weaving around her hand until with a swift push she forced it to bound towards them.  
  
The series of crashes alerted Suzukaze to two things: one, he had closed his eyes, and two, the shelf behind Nyx was on the floor and cracked in two, buried under books, broken bottles and all the contents that had been stored there only seconds before.  
  
“Are you all right?” Suzukaze asked, stepping to her as his brother asked, “What just happened?”  
  
Nyx straightened herself and turned to look at the damage.  
  
“I believe we’ve hit our first complication.” She returned her attention to Suzukaze and his brother. “The spell rebounded.”  
  
It was a relief to see her unperturbed, although he had to wonder what it would take for her to become ruffled.  
  
“It may be to do with type …” she muttered, more to herself, as she scanned through her list and pulled out a book from further down the pile.  
  
Knocking that sounded like weak body slams against the door interrupted their session.  
  
“Nyx! I have returned from our life-threatening quest with relics even you will marvel at!”  
  
Suzukaze paired the voice beyond the wall to Odin.  
  
A shuffle, a scrape – then silence.  
  
“He can come back another time,” Nyx said, opening a second book at the marked page.  
  
“He can’t hear us?” His brother asked.  
  
“I’ve weaved spells to prevent sound from leaking out.” There was a thud of something falling to the floor which made Nyx turn her head. “… But not from leaking in.”  
  
“I apologise for the disruption but I insist you collect these fearsome articles, they can only be handled by someone as dark as yourself!”  
  
Two more thuds followed, along with new commentary. “I believe her silence is a mark of absence. Either that, or she refuses to see you – also a viable and understandable reason.”  
  
“Who would be so heartless as to leave Odin Dark stranded in his time of need as he struggles, unable to take a single step forward, weakened from the strenuous – please, hold just _one_ book, they’re really heavy!”  
  
“No … I don’t believe I’m ‘dark’ enough to handle them—”  
  
Nyx pursed her lips at the constant clamour that showed no signs of dissipating and swept to the door. She barely managed to avoid the door swinging open with force at the turn of the handle, Odin barging in and lunging for the bed where he half threw the impressive number of books cradled in his arms.  
  
“Ahh, my poor arms …” Odin furiously rubbed one arm, then the other. “I really thought they were going to drop off …”  
  
“Shame, it was rather entertaining,” Zero said, also inviting himself in.  
  
“You couldn’t help him?” Nyx accused; his hands were empty.  
  
Zero shrugged. “The condition was he could bring back whatever he picked up if he could carry them. You should see the bag he graciously dropped outside.” His keen eye fell onto Suzukaze. “… Fancy seeing you here.”  
  
Suzukaze almost responded but remembered who he was and instead settled on what he hoped was a glare.  
  
“If you’re done, you can see yourself out. I’m in the middle of something,” Nyx said firmly.  
  
A chill went down Suzukaze’s spine with the way Zero’s gaze lingered and then sidled onto his brother. “So I see.”  
  
The archer did the opposite of what he was asked and sat on the part of the bed unoccupied by Odin’s gifts. “Mind if I watch?”  
  
“We need to go and report back to our lord,” Odin muttered and nudged.  
  
Zero waved him away. “We can spare five minutes for these two to finish – it’ll be ten at most, and that’s me being generous.”  
  
Odin looked to them, his curiosity piqued. “… Are you performing some sort of spell?”  
  
Suzukaze glanced to his brother and found him digging his fingers into his arms.  
  
“ _Get out,_ ” Suzukaze growled, mimicking his brother.  
  
“Mmm,” Zero’s lips curled into a grin as though he had a taste of something delectable. “And what will you do to us if we don’t?”  
  
“I'll—”  
  
His brother had not debriefed him on how to act around the two Norhian retainers and while he suspected Zero’s question should be followed with an intimidating remark, making threats was not his forte.  
  
He glanced to his brother for support.  
  
Zero gave a snort. “So it worked then. Your brother wouldn’t waste one second telling me all the exciting ways he could maim me.”  
  
“What? You know about this?” Nyx confronted him. She slowly shut the door, presumably with the mind to extract information from the two.  
  
“This is the work of a dark sorcerer such as I!” Odin said proudly.  
  
“ _You—!_ ”  
  
His brother advanced towards Odin.  
  
“No – no wait, wait, _waitwaitwait_ —” Odin jumped onto the bed and used Zero as a shield. “I did it at your request! As the hours closed in on our early departure and with no sign of my partner, I went out on a search to eventually come across your merry party—”  
  
“—Where you were pressed hard against me after Suzukaze had roped me into escorting you back to your room—”  
  
“—So I approached to give aid! And you abruptly became animated at the reminder of my sorcerer status and exclaimed that after spending an evening imitating your brother, you were curious to discover what it would be like should you really become him—”  
  
“—While Suzukaze also let slip his hidden longing to be well-endowed with his brother’s title—”  
  
“—And by good fortune I knew a simple transformation spell I had been eager to test – er, to _demonstrate_ to an enthusiastic audience, and so you—”  
  
“—Begged to be daubed in the magic desperately waiting to be released from Odin’s fell hand—”  
  
“—And I agreed because – well, because you got your kunai out and waved it in my face and I’m kind of attached to my life—”  
  
“—But unfortunately Odin didn’t live up to either reputation or expectation and the spell proved to be a misfire. Our natural conclusion was that it was a dud.”  
  
Odin gasped, betrayal written all over his face when he turned to his partner. “Zero, you of all people, how could you doubt my prowess?!”  
  
Zero closed his eyes and sighed. “It was relatively easy, Odin, considering you tried _five times_. Your performance could do with some work.”  
  
A quick glance to his brother and Nyx (who were both frowning) told Suzukaze that they were trying to translate the decorated piece of storytelling.  
  
“Which spell did you cast?” Nyx asked, the first to decipher their unique language.  
  
“I believe you own a copy of the book.” Odin stepped down from the bed to peruse her shelves, coming upon a black leather-bound tome that was smaller compared to most others. “My knowledge of ancient Nohrian script isn’t as fluent as yours, though I understood enough to know it was a transformation.”  
  
He handed the book over to Nyx who took one look at the cover and shot another look back at Odin with an expression Suzukaze was not quite able to read but knew to be negative.  
  
“Are you sure it’s this book?” She asked. Odin, too excited and oblivious to her darkening aura, nodded enthusiastically, flipping through the pages until he came to the spell in question.  
  
Nyx scanned the writing and then whipped the page over to continue.  
  
“Odin,” Nyx said carefully. “This is not what you call a simple transformation spell.”  
  
Odin’s smile was wiped off his face. “It’s not?”  
  
If Suzukaze was unable to suspect something was awry before, he could now with the way the air tensed and Odin fell quiet.  
  
“No … It’s not a transformation spell at all.”  
  
“Then how do you explain this?” His brother asked.  
  
Nyx turned to inspect him, and then to Suzukaze to do the same.  
  
“This is an ancient spell for self-introspection. It’s undertaken as a form of rite, when one felt they had reached a limit on their understanding of who they are, and to further that understanding, continue their search through the eyes of another who had also come to the same stage in their life.”  
  
“How does it work exactly?” Suzukaze asked.  
  
“It takes the mutual agreement of two parties to swap their soul into the other’s body. A condition is set by each which must be satisfied in order for them to return to themselves once more.”  
  
“So when we asked to be switched—”  
  
“No, it doesn’t rely on verbal binding. It is an unspoken contract which bypasses all speech, all thought whether conscious, subconscious or otherwise – it is a contract of souls. Once the spell has been uttered, it doesn’t matter whether the two are mentally prepared – if their souls are ready it will be successful; if not, it will fail. This is what makes it so powerful – and dangerous.”  
  
“So theoretically Odin and I could have been affected?” Zero got to his feet.  
  
“Should you both have been ready, then yes.”  
  
“When do we switch back?” His brother asked. Nyx turned to the book.  
  
“The spell ends … when both missions have been fulfilled,” she read out.  
  
“Which is _what_?”  
  
Everyone fell into a collective silence, waiting for Nyx to consider the possibilities.  
  
“I can think of something which may provide a clue.” Nyx looked to his brother first. “Your desire to be relieved of your name” – she turned to Suzukaze – “and your desire to release your brother of his burden.”  
  
His brother barked out a laugh. “That’s impossible. I wear my name with pride!”  
  
Suzukaze looked to his brother, reaching out to comfort him. His brother shot him a glare and slapped his hand away; Suzukaze felt it strike his heart.  
  
“At surface level, perhaps,” Nyx responded calmly, “but this may not be the case deeper down. Didn’t you let slip that you thought your title at fault? Haven’t you been told of the responsibilities of being a Saizou since you could remember? There must have been a point where you struggled with the idea, and while it may have been buried under duty and acceptance, it has remained unresolved.”  
  
“Is there a way to reverse this another way?” Suzukaze asked softly.  
  
Nyx’s prolonged thought was answer enough, though they waited all the same.  
  
“… I honestly can’t say.”  
  
Suzukaze sensed movement next to him and saw his brother stride to the door.  
  
“Brother!”  
  
His brother disappeared as soon as he stepped outside.  
  
“We will find a way,” Odin spoke up, coming to rest his hand on Suzukaze’s shoulder. “I am so sorry … this is all my doing. I will be sure to set things right.”  
  
Suzukaze shook his head. “No, it was us who forced this request upon you and did not realise the gravity of what we asked.”  
  
“Zero and I will consult our lord’s books, there may be something there.” Suzukaze looked quickly to Zero who gave a curt nod in reply.  
  
“This can only be between us,” Nyx reminded them. There was no telling what would happen to any of them now if their lords or lady found out.  
  
The two retainers of Nohr bowed their heads then hurried on their way.  
  
“Your brother will be fine,” Nyx reassured, once they were alone. “It must be the first time he’s really had the chance to think on what he wants.”  
  
“Nyx—”  
  
Suzukaze stopped himself, wondering if his query would appear insensitive. Nyx only watched. He could feel she knew what he was about to ask but was being patient and forcing him to shape his question into speech.  
  
“What happens if we are unable to return to ourselves? What if we remain like this … throughout our lives?”  
  
Nyx searched his face and then replied solemnly, with a hint of sadness.  
  
“You accept your situation, and you adapt.”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Hours slipped by until the day was coming to a close, which was when Saizou found his brother perched in the branches, staring at the view. With the faraway look on Suzukaze’s face and no acknowledgement as he neared, he was sure the sights and surroundings went unregistered.  
  
He climbed up to settle down on the next branch. “Suzukaze.”  
  
Suzukaze turned to him and smiled; it was strained.  
  
“I am glad to see you, brother.” His voice was more melancholic than pleased.  
  
Saizou pulled out provision that was indispensible at a time like this – drink. He uncapped the small gourd – the usually clear liquid substituted with another, stronger – and pulled out two small cups. He forced one into Suzukaze’s palm and poured before any protest, then poured some into his own.  
  
“Father gave this to me to commemorate the end of my training. I always kept it for a time of celebration.”  
  
“What are we celebrating?”  
  
“… A new life, I suppose.”  
  
They both drank; Saizou sipped, but saw from the corner of his eye Suzukaze, knocking the drink back in a swift motion and grimacing to hold back a cough. Saizou silently replenished his brother’s cup, and again his own.  
  
“I’ve failed,” Saizou started, setting the gourd down. “As a Saizou. As a brother.”  
  
“That’s not—”  
  
“No, Suzukaze. Nyx was right. This is the result of my deepest desire. I took the mantle because it was expected but after this morning … I would be lying if I told you I had never questioned it. You, on the other hand, you’ve always insisted on sharing the burden, even while knowing it was never yours to bear. Perhaps this is … this is the natural course of things.”  
  
“What are you saying? Surely you’re not giving up?” Saizou could hear the panic in Suzukaze’s voice.  
  
“… I spent the day thinking, meditating on the situation. I’ve been forced to reflect on my past these few weeks, on memories forgotten that had been roused, demanding I take heed. Without this happening to us they would have continued to be obscured for years to come … maybe even to death. What has become of us now may have been preset at birth – this may be why we were born twins … so that when the time came you would be able to take up the title. Perhaps with more passion than I could muster.”  
  
“Who are you?” There was a waver in Suzukaze’s voice. “You are not acting as the spirit of Saizou the fifth and you are most certainly not acting as the body of Suzukaze. Neither Saizou nor Suzukaze would cease to leave such an important mission uncompleted.”  
  
Saizou said nothing. There was apathy where previously there had been fervour, but that had been quick to extinguish the louder Nyx’s words resounded and with the growing realisation that he may never find a way to reverse this spell because too much of his past had been brushed aside and he wasn’t confident they could be resolved.  
  
He was shaken by his shoulder.  
  
“Where is the anger, brother? Where is the fire that burned so brightly, the fire that has always been the greatest source of my admiration?”  
  
He looked up to see the very fire reflected back at him in his own face, where it should be.  
  
“You have it.” Saizou rested his eyes onto Suzukaze’s hand that seized him tightly, and then raised his hand to examine fingers slender than what he was used to. “Your body is calm, Suzukaze. It is soothing and it has gifted me with time to consider things I never would have dared consider in mine. You don’t have the underlying desire to set things aflame, to cause destruction – you desire to create peace. Your thoughts have moulded your body into what it is, as did mine. Whereas before we were two extremes, at least this way … we are both balanced.”  
  
“Brother, please, we must not lose hope. What of Lady Kamui?”  
  
While Suzukaze may have given him a glimpse of what could be, events today had firmly hauled him back into old beliefs. Ultimately he couldn’t be thinking of her when he already struggled with Suzukaze and barely had a grasp on the relationship with himself.  
  
Suzukaze’s voice dropped to almost a whisper. “Please, do not tell me you are considering letting her go?”  
  
“… She deserves someone better.”  
  
“You cannot love her enough—”  
  
“It’s because I love her! Even after yesterday, I can’t be certain I would say yes. She deserves someone who can always be by her side, who will put her first without hesitation. To have to share that position with another … it isn’t fair on her.”  
  
“She is strong, brother! She would understand.”  
  
“She shouldn’t _have_ to understand.”  
  
Suzukaze released his hold, almost shoving him away. “You are right. My brother and not the imposter sitting in his stead would have been worthy of her.”  
  
Anger gripped Suzukaze now – it was a natural response, especially while in his body – but he would quickly come to terms with reality. Duty would force him to, and Saizou would fall back as support should Suzukaze need it. He should be opposing the idea, fighting to regain his old life, but being told that he had always secretly rejected the idea of being named Saizou after all this time was like being told that his whole life had been a lie. What was the point of returning to himself if he had no idea what he genuinely wanted?  
  
“ _What are you crying about_.”  
  
Saizou jerked his head to look at himself; one eye was flinty and sparked, the other a white orb absent of emotion.  
  
“I thought I was talking to a man, not a whimpering mass of flesh – even a baby has more grit than you. If it’s pity you’re after, best to run home – that’s if your family won’t be ashamed to see you scampering back and your ancestors won’t turn in their graves after realising what’s become of their line. Do you think you’re the only one to face hardship? To feel misery? To endure torment? Do you think you’ll be at ease once you turn your back? Become a man and take responsibility to clean up your own life, no one else will do it for you.  
  
“Hmph – what’s with the look, feeling the urge to hit me? Good. Better to hate me than be sorry for yourself. I can work with that.”  
  
Saizou couldn’t breathe; he stared at himself, speechless, reeling from being rebuked with the exact words he often used to others. It was as though a part of his spirit had ripped away to materialise before him and criticise. A physical beating didn’t compare.  
  
His right eye closed and the hard look of his left melted into a soft reassurance only Suzukaze was capable of. “Brother, have you awoken?”  
  
It had been a gamble. After the display he could have thought Suzukaze competent enough to continue the Saizou name. He could have thought himself too unworthy, releasing whatever belief it was that had him clutching at the remaining thread of hope for their return to themselves.  
  
He could easily have lost himself.  
  
“Be Saizou,” Suzukaze said with such gentle composure it was as if the voice belonged to Suzukaze and not himself. The hand returned on his shoulder, firm but not with the urgency from before. “You consider yourself weak, but you are stronger than any person I know. You have taken the time to speak to yourself today and that step is enough. Your spirit has changed since you were a child; do not let it define who you are or your future. As I said before, you are allowed to change.”  
  
Saizou watched in silence as Suzukaze gently pulled the gourd from between his limp fingers and poured the drink into their cups.  
  
“Let us celebrate who each of us are, brother. I as Suzukaze, a retainer to Lady Kamui and younger brother of Saizou the fifth, proud to follow wherever his brother may lead him and willing to offer a hand whenever he may need it.”  
  
Saizou stared at the reflection that was not his rippling in his hand.  
  
“And I … Saizou.”  
  
His own name felt foreign on his tongue.  
  
“The fifth to bear the name. A retainer to Lord Ryouma and an older brother … to the most meddlesome … yet bravest, kindest and wisest man I have ever had to privilege to know – Suzukaze.”  
  
He had yet to be what a Saizou should, and could, be. He had yet to face Kamui. He had yet to rebuild his relationship with Suzukaze and be an older brother than the head of a clan.  
  
But Saizou made a silent vow that he would at least try.  
  
With a sharp breath, he knocked the drink back and let the liquid burn its way down.  
  
“Thank you … brother.”


	13. Chapter 13

He woke with a start.  
  
Was he supposed to be Saizou, or Suzukaze?  
  
As his attention was blankly focused onto the ceiling, the state of his right eye became a glaring indicator.  
  
Something had righted the switch whilst sleeping. Even upon reflection on the previous evening he couldn’t be sure of the trigger, though he suspected their talk – trite to call it a heart-to-heart but that being what it was – induced the reaction.  
  
He should be relieved; how was it that he felt an imposter, estranged from his body? It should be simple to reconnect body and mind, both being his own, he shouldn’t feel the link distorted. Then again, the mind that had been torn away was not the same as the one that had been wedged back – in the same way as returning to work from leave, it would take time to readjust.  
  
For that, he needed solitude. But his sense of duty had him pushing himself out of bed to prepare for his morning routine. He settled on sorting his affairs swiftly then returning.  
  
Whether or not to include his brother into the routine, he would determine along the way.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Suzukaze handled a glass bottle while he waited for Nyx to finish assigning a new home to the ones currently in her hands. He felt responsible for the mess he created and though Nyx rejected his offer to put up a new shelf, he was already devising a plan to have another reinstalled.  
  
“I know you tell me to refrain from expressing thanks, but I cannot state enough times how truly grateful I am for all your help,” he said passing the bottle over when she held out her hand.  
  
She may be refusing to acknowledge his constant apology and appreciation but she at least permitted him to voice them. Suzukaze was also pleased to notice her black aura and expression of yesterday slackened into a carefree gentleness more suited to her youthful appearance.  
  
“What was the condition of your return?”  
  
Suzukaze picked up two more bottles, glancing into their contents. One housed herbs, the other looked to be animal entrails.  
  
“It is a mystery. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment or phrase that could have unravelled the binding. It may not have been anything specific. My brother and I—” Suzukaze paused, afraid that by speaking his thoughts he may undo whatever had been resolved between them. He pushed on. “I believe we have come to an understanding of sorts, on who we are and what we are to each other.”  
  
“Whatever your missions, your souls are apparently content with the outcome. Being cast by the spell was maybe not such a bad thing.”  
  
Suzukaze could only half agree – the time spent as each other had been strenuous and tested them to their limits. He would never wish for anyone else to be inflicted with the same uncertainty, no matter how beneficial in the long term.  
  
“I will make sure my brother comes to see you,” he changed the subject. “He is most likely occupied with Lord Ryouma—”  
  
“Oh, he already came this morning,” she said casually.  
  
Suzukaze looked up in surprise. “He did?” He had yet to see his brother, waiting to be called upon rather than being the one to impose; it smarted that Nyx was graced with his brother’s presence and he was not. It was almost as if he was being avoided.  
  
“You didn’t think the great Saizou lacked in manners, did you?”  
  
Suzukaze felt sheepish at his immaturity. “That was not what I meant—”  
  
“From what I could tell, he looked drained. Personally, I would leave him be for the time being …”  
  
She gave him a glance as she plucked the objects from his hands, as though she knew Suzukaze was guilty of sending a certain person in his brother’s direction.  
  
Suzukaze reached for more contents – and winced at the shooting pain in his shoulder – only to grasp air; everything had been sorted. He massaged the skin gently, making a mental note to see a healer later.  
  
“A little early for spring cleaning but I suppose it was a good opportunity,” she said, dusting off her hands. “I’m not sure who did more damage, you or Odin.”  
  
He opened his mouth – though he wanted to ascertain he was not quite on the same level as the sorcerer, he was unwilling to speak ill of the man who had been labouring day and night to find a reversal. Nyx laughed at him swallowing down his denial.  
  
“I think it’s safe to crown Odin as the current king of accidental destruction.”  
  
Suzukaze still stopped himself from agreeing.  
  
“With that done, I think I can continue my research.” She faced him, her eyes giving him a once over and finishing with a content nod. “I’m sure you also have things to be getting on with.”  
  
It was a cue for him to take his leave. Suzukaze bowed and left the room, closing the door quietly behind and turning to—  
  
“… Kagerou.”  
  
“Suzukaze.” She cocked her head slightly. “Or should I say, Saizou.”  
  
Had his brother revealed all to Kagerou after his insistency to keep quiet?  
  
“… Let us go elsewhere,” he suggested.  
  
Once by the statue of the Dawn Dragon outside of the building, Suzukaze slowed his steps. The early morning mist was enough to conceal themselves from the few who were awake and setting themselves up for the day. Kagerou came to stand close by but he no longer felt the pounding in his chest of the past week that ensued from her presence.  
  
“Did my brother come and speak with you?”  
  
Kagerou’s visible eye locked onto Suzukaze’s, judging. “No. He was absent from our routine meeting with Lord Ryouma – I was told he requested some personal time until we leave this afternoon. Our lord was visibly concerned for the abnormality, although he made no further comment.”  
  
Suzukaze thought once more that he should visit, but again, reminded himself to respect boundaries and allow his brother as the elder to make the first move.  
  
“Then may I ask how it is you know?”  
  
“Orochi’s words lingered within. While my faith in Saizou is solid, she and I have been friends longer and her ability to read fortunes is unsurpassed. I would have spoken out after our return to this realm had Pieri not intervened. Yesterday, I followed you both to Nyx’s room and lay in wait. You disappeared too quickly for me to follow and I decided to aim instead for Saizou, but with no sign of him leaving I found it more efficient to follow Odin and Zero. I heard their talk when they made their way to the Records Hall.”  
  
His prolonged stay was due to Nyx offering him a warm beverage and forcing him to remain in the corner to ‘regain himself’ while she began to sort through the breakages.  
  
“… I believe I am correct in calling you Suzukaze.”  
  
“We returned to ourselves this morning.” Suzukaze bowed his head deeply. “I apologise, Kagerou, for our deception. We suspected it would cause unnecessary concern—”  
  
“The idea was Saizou’s, was it not? Bearing his troubles in silence is a trait I am used to. I would have likely acted the same had our roles been reversed, I can hardly condemn you for actions. We are what we are, and are trained to hide our true intentions, even from comrades. Although …”  
  
Kagerou’s judgement was replaced with a thoughtful frown.  
  
“You were not shy to speak of your feelings towards me. I have to ask if that, too, was a ruse.”  
  
It had not been, at least, not at the time. However, he was back as himself and his body seemed detached from his mind, the telltale marks of interest not rousing with the memory of his feelings for Kagerou while as his brother.  
  
“It is … complex.”  
  
He saw Kagerou’s jaw set and a steely gaze shut down over her concern.  
  
“I am afraid that being in my brother’s body and returning to myself has … clouded my feelings. Everything I said of myself while as my brother was true, yet I cannot say with absolute confidence that what I felt for you then was wholly myself.”  
  
“Are you saying Saizou—”  
  
“No!” Suzukaze cried out in alarm. “No, I am referring to the memories he has of your time together. My brother is very much enamoured with Lady Kamui.”  
  
Kagerou’s expression relaxed. “I had my suspicions, but it is a relief to be assured I was not misreading their tension. Does Saizou know how you … felt?”  
  
His feelings being referred to in the past wrenched at his heart enough to sting.  
  
“He is aware.” Suzukaze did not wish to elaborate that his brother had been right.  
  
“His reaction?”  
  
“He does not object … so long as the feelings are my own,” he answered truthfully.  
  
He watched the woman who had gone from friend to romantic interest reverted back to friend. Another twinge in his chest followed the observation as he endured, as always, until the other spoke.  
  
“I thank you for the facts,” she finally said.  
  
He waited for more – Kagerou was a woman of few words but surely she would dispense a few more on a topic this grave.  
  
Yet nothing.  
  
… Was that all?  
  
_It is no more than I deserve_ , he told himself sternly. It was a marvel she was talking to him with such composure, though he knew that rage might be blustering internally. Unlike his brother whose reason for wearing a mask extended to concealing emotions he had no command over, any slip of emotion from her was but a fraction – and oftentimes misleading.  
  
“I will leave you to your duties,” she ended, turning her back to him.  
  
“Kagerou,” Suzukaze called, blinking at the loudness of his voice as the mist absorbed its echoes. It was overindulgent to demand more, he knew that, but he had to quell his curiosity.  
  
“I must ask if …”  
  
_If a flame had sparked within you as it had in me._  
  
Nothing could bring him to say that sentence out loud.  
  
“I do not wish to sway your decision if you are in the midst of restoring yourself,” she spoke, flat, impassive. “I must return to my lord.”  
  
While not the most desirable response, which left him disappointed, it was also not an outright rejection and for that, Suzukaze did not feel void of hope.  
  
“Suzukaze,” – she barely glanced over her shoulder and he was reminded of their first day as partners – “should we be in this realm or Hoshido when we next meet, and you are interested, I will gladly show you my artwork. Perhaps by then your answer to my question will be less ambiguous, and in turn I will be able to reply more conclusively to the query you will not shirk from finishing.”  
  
Suzukaze was not certain, but he thought he saw an encouraging twitch to the corner of her lips before she disappeared.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Stripped of mask and gear, Saizou sat facing the window, eyes closed, body still.  
  
His mind was not. Despite it being discourteous to request personal time, he needed the few hours to realign himself if he were to properly protect his lord. He swore he would work harder for his lapse in discipline and prayed his lord wouldn’t be concerned for his retainer. He would also have to face Kagerou’s inquiry for the sudden leave.  
  
And there was still the matter of Suzukaze.  
  
Soft knocks disrupted his already impaired concentration.  
  
Saizou turned his head to the door, making no sound.  
  
“Saizou? Are you in?”  
  
_Damn you, Suzukaze._ He didn’t know what was so ‘opportune’ about this moment, he had barely recovered.  
  
_… Can’t be delayed forever; better to get it over with than let it drag out._  
  
Saizou pushed himself off the floor with a grunt, muscles still tense under his control, and went to receive his visitor.  
  
“… Kamui.”  
  
He didn’t deserve the smile that expressed she was genuinely pleased to see him.  
  
“May I come in?”  
  
He stepped aside, eye tracking her movements as she entered and glanced around his living space. With Kamui now inside his earlier thought flew straight out of the window, replaced by a surge to find anything that would delay the conversation.  
  
He made for the kettle. “I’ll brew tea—”  
  
“Will you show me?” She asked, stopping him with her determined gaze.  
  
There was no need to ask what she was referring to.  
  
“… Suzukaze told you.”  
  
“Well, he said you wanted to return something of mine you found.”  
  
“Sounds like him,” Saizou muttered as he averted his gaze. “Did he say anything else?”  
  
“That you wanted to see me.”  
  
Saizou had half a mind to abandon Kamui and go to Suzukaze, demanding to know what was going on in that head of his. How they were twins—  
  
“I’m glad you’re back. To your normal self.”  
  
Saizou’s eye snapped up. “He told you that as well?”  
  
Kamui shook her head; Saizou frowned, his next suspect one of the Nohrians until she began to clarify. “That night at the village. The way Suzukaze called my name … he never leaves out the ‘lady’ even when it’s urgent, and his voice … it sounded so like yours it had me confused when it was him and not you who came to my defence. Then there was the war cry … that one in old Hoshidan you usually shout.”  
  
She was referring to ‘ _hazechire_ ’, a phrase he often yelled before an enemy’s demise and one that got across his burning hunger to let flames rip through his opponent and see them burst into shreds – without the lengthy, flowery language of Odin.  
  
All that time spent worrying if Suzukaze would give their secret away when it was he who couldn’t fight without revealing himself. He was so sure when he replayed the events that he had been careful while fighting.  
  
“After we returned, I saw Suzukaze go to Nyx so I waited till the afternoon to visit, thinking maybe she knew something. You were sleeping but she insisted you were out cold. I explained what I saw. She eventually told me everything.”  
  
“… I see.”  
  
He closed in on Kamui until they were a foot apart, she staring up at him and he down at her, searching for a glimpse of what lay beyond the red-tinted window to the soul. He had unwittingly exposed his insecurities, many involving their relationship, but the embarrassment he would have felt was overshadowed by his conviction on how she must be feeling with the knowledge of his deception – fooled and made a mockery of, betrayed by those she most trusted and … he didn’t dare think the next word.  
  
If only the heat of the fight hadn’t gotten to him. If only he had turned caution to himself and hadn’t let ego best him.  
  
Not once breaking eye contact, he took three steps back and dropped to one knee.  
  
“Saizou?”  
  
He knelt onto the other to seat himself in seiza before pressing his fingers triangularly onto the floor. Kamui’s ignorance of Hoshidan culture showed as a small crease between her brows as she looked on in puzzlement.  
  
“I owe you my sincerest apologies, Lady Kamui. For lying to you. For deceiving you. The whole time I pretended to be your retainer, everything that transpired over the past few weeks, they were not actions that should have been taken. I only beg that you hold me solely responsible and not my brother, who was only dutifully following orders I had given.  
  
“I do not expect your forgiveness. I will bear whatever punishment you deem fitting. Should that mean being cast from this army or stepping down as retainer from your brother and renouncing my name. Should that mean offering you my life. Whatever it is, I will fully accept your judgement.”  
  
He lowered his head so it hovered just above the floor, eye to the tatami as he stayed frozen in position, in silence, no longer deserving to look at her face.  
  
Metal clattered closer as she walked and crouched by his head; he refrained from reacting.  
  
“Saizou—”  
  
Her hand rested on his cheek.  
  
“I accept the offer of your life.”  
  
It was in that moment that he truly understood the position and power of the princess, and respected her for making such a decision. She who could spare life and take it away. He was foolish for forgetting her status through her usual friendly and occasional carefree attitude. Somewhere along the line she had lost the naivety to gain the ruthlessness that was perhaps requisite for making the all-important decisions during war. It was admirable – but he also couldn’t help mourn over what had been lost.  
  
“—But only on the condition that you accept mine.”  
  
It took time for him to process the addition.  
  
No, it made no sense.  
  
He spoke his confusion to the floor. “I apologise, my lady. I do not understand.”  
  
“You offered me your life. And I will accept, only if you also accept mine which I offer to you. Isn’t that the way two people walk together in life?”  
  
It dawned on him that she was talking of being a couple.  
  
Manners forgotten, he raised his head. “Kamui, you don’t know what you’re saying. I deceived you all this time!”  
  
“Yes,” she nodded and said so matter-of-factly that he wasn’t positive she comprehended, “but you were not the only one who did the deceiving. I kept from you my own feelings, pretending you were a friend when secretly I wanted more. And through your guise as your brother you gave me courage to convey my true intentions.”  
  
She removed her hand so it rested on top of his.  
  
“The only thing you have done is steal my heart, one piece at a time, until you held it whole in your hands.”  
  
Unable to bear the wholeheartedness he looked back to the floor.  
  
“I don’t deserve this. You don’t understand, how I have been made aware of my weaknesses … I am ashamed, for having those weaknesses and for giving into them. I could not let you waste your life on a man like me.”  
  
“You gave me your life. Are you saying it was a lie?”  
  
Saizou looked up in anger. “I gave you my life to end!”  
  
Kamui leaned forward, slipping her fingers under his and squeezing tightly. “I will not end your life, Saizou. How could I, when I love you so?”  
  
Saizou stared – it was all he could to do while her declaration seeped into his body and saturated his mind. He succumbed, curling in on himself; his shame and anger, his resentment at himself released from his body in small drops that pattered softly, one, by one, onto the woven straw. It had been so long since he had reason to let them fall, longer still since he let them freely before another, and never had few and simple words left him undone. All because of the woman kneeling before him, her grip on his hand tightening as though afraid that by releasing him, he would be lost.  
  
Ill feelings were washed and flooded with emotions anew through the warmth radiating from her hand – Kamui’s kindness, her forgiveness … her love. More powerful than the formidable traits he respected her for earlier, and qualities she offered unconditionally which he considered unworthy of having turned in his direction. She would stand firm on her decision; he knew because she had told him so, and he had no reason deemed good enough for her to be pushed away.  
  
He drew in a faltering breath, and then another, until the shaking stilled and his resolve was drained.  
  
“Kamui,” he finally said, throat tight and voice crackling. He raised his head so he could brave looking into her eyes, for he had been a coward but he had also made a promise to no longer be one. “I, too, am in love with you.”  
  
She broke out into a smile which warmed whatever shade was left in his being.  
  
It was his turn to grasp her hand, maybe too hard but she didn’t wince. “Forgive me for wanting to throw away my life. If it is your desire, I will entrust myself to you and you may hold onto my heart. And if you will let me, I would like to continue holding onto yours.”  
  
She threw her arms around his neck and he couldn’t help but laugh nervously, his hold around her more tentative because by squeezing too tight he may find her disappearing as in a dream. Her armour dug into his skin and threatened to cut his circulation and he had to use all his strength to stop himself from being flattened under the additional weight of her armour but none of that mattered because here was Kamui, and she was in his arms.  
  
All too soon she loosened her hold and he reluctantly allowed her to step back. He remembered her original intent for visiting and turned to the wooden chest, quickly wiping away evidence of his vulnerability while his back was turned, and took out the small gift that had remained hidden for far too long.  
  
“It’s nothing,” he mumbled as he returned to gently place the bundle in her palm, “but I’d like you to have it.”  
  
Kamui looked curiously at the wrapping and loosened the knot, each peel of a corner doubling the weight behind every thump in his chest, until the butterfly was let free. He watched the smile disappear from her face and with it his sliver of belief that she may be pleased with his handiwork.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he managed to strain out as he watched tears well in her eyes. “It couldn’t be saved—”  
  
“Did you do this?” she whispered, halting his apology. He swallowed, and when her eyes were on him, nodded. “It’s stunning … far more wonderful than what it was before.”  
  
She wiped her eyes and hurried to unclip her current hairpiece and replace it with his gift. “How does it look?”  
  
Saizou’s gaze shifted onto the butterfly then returned to her face, her wide eyes damp and her smile returned and he finally felt his face begin to burn from the realisation of their proximity. He was struck with a bout of shyness and gave a curt nod of reassurance – despite all the sweetness he had spoken before it was too much for him to tell her that she was the one who was beautiful.  
  
Her soft giggling played with his pulse and inflamed his cheeks. “I actually brought you a gift as well.”  
  
He watched her pull out folded material concealed under part of the cloak pinned across her chest, their colours matching.  
  
“It’s not really a surprise since you’ve already seen it but … I thought you might like a new one. I noticed it was torn quite badly a few battles ago but you didn’t seem to have a replacement. That is, if you want it. You don’t have to wear it if you’d rather not.”  
  
He carefully took the scarf from her hands; it was warm to touch.  
  
“Suzukaze explained to me about what you do for my brother, so I thought … maybe I can do the same for you. So that our bond may be strengthened.”  
  
Her last words were a stopper on anything he may have said; it was a gift too great and one he never thought he would receive. He looked at her, at a complete loss, to find it was her turn to be concerned for his reaction. Unsure if he could form anything other than incoherent sounds, he flung his free arm around her and pulled her to his chest, praying she would grasp his reply from the love pulsating loudly through his being, and the single tear that escaped his eye and bedewed her cheek.


	14. Epilogue

“You’re late.”  
  
“I apologise for the delay, time escaped me.”  
  
“I didn’t warm this up so we could drink it cold.”  
  
“… My arrival would have been more prompt had I known you made preparations.”  
  
Saizou noted the hesitance and surprised twitch to Suzukaze’s brows; he hoped Suzukaze wouldn’t fixate on the gesture.  
  
“You’re here now,” Saizou said gruffly and pushed into Suzukaze’s hand one of two small cups he had been rotating in his palm as he waited.  
  
It seemed fitting for their meeting to take place among the familiar branches that had shed their leaves, even if it meant having to bear the biting cold. Although they had planned to meet before sunset, the sun had dipped beyond the horizon minutes before Suzukaze’s appearance. Night would consume the plane before long.  
  
“Allow me,” Suzukaze said, taking the warm gourd and hovering it above Saizou’s cup. He stopped short of releasing the first drop, eyes flicking up. “Brother, promise not to go overboard.”  
  
Saizou glared. “ _You’re_ warning _me_.” When Suzukaze’s hand remained stubbornly unmoving, Saizou impatiently waved his cup. “Just pour the damn thing.”  
  
Suzukaze did as ordered and as he was about to pour the drink for himself, Saizou took the container off him and returned the favour.  
  
“To what are we drinking?”  
  
Saizou hurriedly clinked their cups. “Doesn’t matter,” he said and drained his drink, hoping his tone would dismiss any follow-ups.  
  
The burn was pleasant, instantly firing up his insides, and the taste sharp – exactly to his liking. Saizou glanced over at Suzukaze’s single polite cough to cover his struggle with its strength. Next time Saizou would let him pick, and he was sure he would be the one spluttering at the sweet alcohol that would scorch his tongue with an aftertaste lingering well into the following day.  
  
Saizou made a gesture to refill the cup, which his brother accepted.  
  
Two moons had passed since they parted on what he now reflected to be sombre terms. Even with Kamui’s visit briefly lifting his spirits, he had forcibly grounded himself at the prospect of facing Suzukaze, pre-rehearsing lines that ultimately went unspoken. In the end he spoke brusque words of safety and left without a reply.  
  
“Was there something you wished to discuss regarding our next mission?” Suzukaze asked.  
  
Saizou scowled. “Over a drink?”  
  
“That was also my initial thought, but I wished to confirm.” A thoughtful crease formed between his brows. “Is this cause for celebration?”  
  
“For what?”  
  
Another pause for thought. “Then perhaps training of sorts—”  
  
“Can’t a man have a casual drink with his brother without motive?” Saizou snapped at Suzukaze’s incapability of grasping what remained unsaid.  
  
Silence ensued. Saizou looked away to avoid Suzukaze’s quizzical gaze, heat rising in his cheeks from annoyance, or awkwardness, or abashment – or maybe a mix of all three.  
  
He was beginning to regret attempting this. No topic graced his mind which seemed to have emptied, and being a man who spoke out of necessity the thought of idle chatter for the sole reason of filling gaps made him cringe.  
  
Thankfully he was handed a lifeline.  
  
“Have you spoken with Lady Kamui?”  
  
Saizou had been invited to her room soon after arriving. Once inside, they stood in an uncomfortable silence due to the time spent apart, as if they weren’t sure their confessions had been real. He only endured the suffocating atmosphere because of Kamui’s shy smiles, until she eventually asked if she could put her hands to his face and, for the first time, Saizou pulled off his mask and scarf and allowed access. She kept to the left as usual, so he took her free, trembling hand into his and guided her to the untouched right to show that their confessions were not imagined, and for her to comprehend the amount of trust he placed in her.  
  
(Later, after replacing the mask and questioning her as to why he hadn’t been called to her room in so long, she confided with a catching blush that she wouldn’t have been able to hide her emotions if they stood so close together.)  
  
“—Brother?”  
  
… He was daydreaming.  
  
Saizou cleared his throat. “She called me to her room earlier.”  
  
He would have stayed longer had that busybody not barged in, pointedly clanking decorations as he dusted away, resolutely showing no signs of leaving. With a weary smile, Kamui suggested returning tomorrow.  
  
“Must set boundaries,” he mumbled to himself.  
  
“Boundaries?”  
  
Suzukaze had experience with the insufferable lackey. “Isn’t there a way to stop Kamui’s shadow from its incessant stalking?”  
  
Suzukaze gave a knowing smile. “Joker only cares greatly for his lady, much like the other retainers in this army. You cannot blame him for his caution.”  
  
Saizou didn’t like his implication that they were similar – at least any stalking done by the great Saizou was done without anyone knowing of his existence.  
  
“While we are on the topic of Joker – could you tell me what happened between him and I during our switch? I fear our relationship has regressed to that of our first meeting and I cannot gather my head round as to why.”  
  
“What makes you think anything happened?” Saizou asked, knowing that there was one very specific reason as to why Joker was acting so hostile.  
  
“For one, he has resumed throwing daggers in my direction.”  
  
“Are we talking literally or figuratively?”  
  
Suzukaze sighed. “ _Both_.”  
  
Saizou swallowed his chuckle. “I wouldn’t know,” he said with a straight face. “Be grateful for the additional practice.”  
  
A suspicious glance followed. “… I saw someone gifted lady Kamui flowers,” Suzukaze changed subjects abruptly with all the innocence of a demon.  
  
The flowers _._ It took some convincing for the woman at the flower stand to give him the bouquet she promised to reserve, and it was after he was certain the whole street heard him profess his love that she clucked and bunched the flowers into delicate wrapping tied up with heavy ribbon.  
  
“Did they?” Saizou replied as innocently, though he knew the colour in his cheeks gave away his discomfort. It was growing dark enough, Suzukaze shouldn’t notice.  
  
“I wonder if the person who displayed the romantic gesture came across the idea from the novel that has mysteriously disappeared from my bedside.”  
  
The cup Saizou was holding instantly became very interesting. “Your romantic drivel? Why would anyone want to touch that?”  
  
Saizou asked himself the very same question the day he picked up the book and started reading.  
  
What else was there to do when he retired to Suzukaze’s room? For someone who had a mountain of items hoarded in the cupboard from collected gifts, there was surprisingly little to keep his mind occupied, and the book relieved him from his concerns.  
  
Never would he admit the story to be borderline interesting.  
  
“I suppose you’re right,” Suzukaze accepted his reasoning and Saizou inwardly relaxed – at least until he realised his brother hadn’t finished speaking. “After all, there would be no need for anyone to read such literature when they are able to pen similar romance themselves—”  
  
“I _knew_ you read those notes!” Saizou erupted, no longer able to contain himself under the jabs. While the surveillance notes went unmentioned, Saizou had a gut feeling Suzukaze laid eyes on what was now an extremely private collection of observations.  
  
“I think I finally understand your aversion to sugars. In spite of your exterior, your thoughts are in fact saccharine enough that—”  
  
“Oh, for gods’ sake, _stop_! Will it make you happy if I admit I took your novel? That I gave those flowers? Or that Joker was convinced you were trying to steal Kamui from me?!”  
  
“Why would he think I could do such a thing?!” Suzukaze’s exclamation was equally loud.  
  
Saizou wasn’t about to explain that he was responsible for Joker’s misunderstanding. “Because he’s an obstinate fool who doesn’t listen to anything anyone tells him, unless it comes from Kamui. Try and convince him – gods know I did.”  
  
Even Suzukaze couldn’t counter that argument. “… If you’re finished with the novel, I was hoping to lend it to Kagerou.”  
  
“… You can have it back if you swear to never mention the notes ever again.”  
  
Saizou could just make out the self-complacent smirk that flashed across Suzukaze’s face. He had forgotten the mischievous streak hidden under the gentle demeanour; he certainly couldn’t remember when he was last the target. Small steps, but Saizou felt they were on the right path.  
  
He hid his own grin behind a sip.  
  
“Did you speak to Kagerou?” Saizou turned the tables so Suzukaze could have a taste of humiliation himself.  
  
“I did. In fact, that was the reason for my delay. She was permitting me to view her paintings.”  
  
Saizou resented his twin a little for being able to reply without so much as a stagger.  
  
“What did you think of them?” Saizou never understood her paintings. In the beginning he assumed it was due to his one good eye not extending to art, until he spoke with others who reacted in a similar manner – her work was too abstract, lacking in any sense of realism.  
  
“They are very unique. I could barely tear myself away; it was as though my spirit had been ensnared and was slowly being lured into the tenebrous swirls. Her talent is remarkable.”  
  
Then again, just as many people like Suzukaze considered her a genius.  
  
“What of your feelings towards her?”  
  
The serious question was one Saizou had wanted to ask because of the circumstances that surrounded Suzukaze’s growing affection. He considered – and decided against – questioning Kagerou, in the same way she refused to question him on what happened in the weeks of his absence. It wasn’t work related, and he imagined she wouldn’t want to speak on a subject that was yet to be conclusive.  
  
“I believe you were correct.”  
  
Saizou wouldn’t have minded being proven wrong if it meant saving his brother from emotional hurt. He refilled Suzukaze’s cup and was about to offer a word of consolation when his brother continued.  
  
“But I also find myself wanting to know more about her. It is as I said to her prior to this meeting – the emotion I felt as you had history, matured by time and shaped by experience. However, the emotion I feel as myself is fresh and not without potential to deepen. I like to believe my initial attraction was not wholly unfounded.”  
  
“And her response?”  
  
“Her feelings are mutual.”  
  
_Who'd have thought_ , Saizou mused, the reason he and Kagerou hadn’t worked out being that she had been with the wrong twin.  
  
“I’m honestly glad to hear you say that.”  
  
Saizou could feel Suzukaze look to him. “I know, brother. Thank you again for your support.”  
  
“I didn’t do anything,” Saizou brushed aside the gratitude.  
  
A blanket of silence, not awkward like before, fell over them as Saizou (most likely with Suzukaze) marinated in his thoughts. He watched the increasing number of lights dotting the town as they sat under the cloak of nature. Down there it was peak time for the mess or bathhouse, streets still busy and training grounds still occupied. Out here in the trees they could hear only the barest crackles of twigs or leaves made by creatures of the night.  
  
It reminded him of their home.  
  
“There’s no reason for calling you here today, other than for us to spend time together,” Saizou answered softly to his brother’s initial question. “I knew you were waiting that day, and I regretted not coming to speak to you. Both of us spent weeks pretending and I thought distance was what we needed. As the days went by I realised it would only be a start of us reverting to our former state.”  
  
What use was there for the lessons and revelations that came from their agreed switch if he didn’t act upon them? That was the question Saizou repeatedly asked himself as he resumed his watchful guard over his lord. It was easy to slip into old habits, to allow their drift away from each other.  
  
“That’s not what I want, Suzukaze. I want – I’d _like_ for us to … reconnect. Not as ninjas of the clan or as soldiers of the army. Not as retainers to the nobles.”  
  
_As brothers. As family. Like we used to be._  
  
Saizou tipped the gourd; a few drops trickled out before the container emptied.  
  
_Figures._ Just as his restraints were beginning to loosen.  
  
“I knew one wouldn’t be enough,” he murmured.  
  
“Then it is fortunate I brought another.”  
  
Saizou watched Suzukaze pull out a glass bottle and refill his cup with a dark liquid.  
  
“I brought this to give thinking you would enjoy it more than I. An offering from Odin – amongst the _many_ other gifts he continues to offer as apology. Though I have asked he stop, I believe he still feels guilt over what happened and insists on repaying us somewhat; I would not be surprised if he also makes his way to you. In any case, it seems this is an appropriate time for it to be opened.”  
  
“Who’d have guessed Odin would become the newest addition to your party of admirers,” Saizou joked.  
  
Suzukaze’s groan was too loud to be made by a ninja in the quietened evening. “Please do _not_ say that.”  
  
Saizou sipped the drink; the taste of fruit was expected from wine, but the dryness and trace amounts of sweetness made it palatable.  
  
“Brother.” Saizou looked to Suzukaze’s direction. “I would like that also.”  
  
Suzukaze’s expression was shrouded in the dark. Saizou leaned over to clink their cups once more.  
  
“To brotherhood, then.”  
  
One day wouldn’t mend what had taken years to erode – but one day as the start of many at least offered hope that all may eventually be restored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a journey.
> 
> I wanted to give a great big thank you to everyone who took the time to read this story, and an extra thank you for the additional support through kudos and comments. Initially I shared this story thinking I would be happy if one person (besides me) could enjoy this - I honestly wasn't expecting such a positive response. You all helped to push it forward and I couldn't have done it without you - I think it would have stayed unfinished if I had put off posting until everything had been written and "perfected". While it's not the best of writing or the most original of plots, I'm pretty chuffed with how it turned out, as well as being able to hit my own personal milestone of actually finishing a piece of work that's over 50k.
> 
> The story actually started at the end. The idea of 'what if the brothers swapped bodies?' and a rough outline of the last couple of chapters came to me while taking a stroll, and though I couldn't wait to start writing it all down I realised that in order for the story to have any kind of emotion I would actually have to write all the drama leading up to the final events without giving into the urge to rush. And it was so, so hard not to rush and lose to the impatience.
> 
> I'm not sure if I'll write anything this epic again, but I do have a few shorter stories that came to me when writing this (because as you know, new plots are always trying to lure you away from writing whatever it is you should be writing) so perhaps they'll eventually be written and posted. 
> 
> It was lovely connecting with all of you - hopefully this won't be the end :3


End file.
